# Dealing with grief and other people



## tricializ (Jun 1, 2010)

This is more to vent and whine so feel free to scroll on by. 

Since Maya's passing, I truly feel stunned. Other people seem to think that a day or two has gone by so I should be perfectly fine. I had to do a dance show yesterday where I have to be on stage, being the MC while my dancers dance and act all happy. I can fake it pretty well, but I just had a huge headache by the time the night was over. People are like, 'Come out and get a pedicure" or "let's go to lunch" and i know they mean well. But I honestly don't feel like doing anything as I have this hole in my heart. I am hoping that the necropsy tells me something like it was congenital and nothing could have been done or she had a massive stroke or something like that. But honestly if they come back with something like head trauma, when I can't find ANYTHING that she could have done or gotten into or fallen on etc. then it will make me crazy forever. 
My husband who doesn't like dogs is being about as caring as an old shoe. I know I am upset and mad so I think some of my reaction to him is just my anger at the situation more so than him. But it is hard. Yesterday, someone put Peach on his lap on the recliner and she jumped from the arm of the chair to the ground (too high for her). i heard a thud and about came unglued that he would just let her jump or fall like that. What the heck!!!!!! Really? Who does that just days after our tragedy. I went nuts. She was fine of course as she is a jumpy, puppy and she did jump. But he let her. Ugh. I'm just mad at the world and I don't want to talk about it with people so they think I'm just fine. And if I'm not only 3 days later, they think something is wrong with me. I had to call and cancel the order for Maya's electric fence collar today. They were very nice but it was an awkward call to make and I just couldn't do it on Friday without breaking down. The kids seem to be doing ok although Tommy (10) started crying yesterday at his swim meet about her. So I think it's still hard for them. I found one of her collars in a junk drawer last night and all the stuff of hers is hard to look at. All of her clothes will fit Peach so that is fine but it still makes me so sad. I just had to vent because I know you all understand. One of my dance families did quietly give me a card yeserday which I found so thoughtful. 
Tricia


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## AllaboutEve (May 20, 2010)

I feel for you, some people just dont understand that an animal can mean as much to some people as a child. My beautiful cat Shirley, was 18 when I lost her, over 4 years ago now, and sometimes I still have a little tear or two over her. I had her for so long when I was younger and growing up that she will always be my first baby.


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

I think that only true dog people can understand the pain you feel. Especially when it was so unexpected. With an old dog, you have the time to expect what will eventually happen and to TRY and prepare, although you are never fully prepared for their passing. But a young and healthy dog in her prime like your Maya is a shock to say the least. 

You can rest easy knowing that YOU DID everything possible to help her. There's nothing you could have done different. Sometimes these things happen, although I know that's no comfort. 

There are all kinds of stages of grief. Those of us who have lost a precious friend will understand what you are going through and we will be here for you. Everyone grieves in different ways so you just take your time and do what you need to do in order to feel whole again. 

After Molly and Piper died, I couldn't bear to even LOOK at a dog. I walled myself off from that pain. It took a long time for me to feel ready to love a dog again. Everyone is different. There is no right or wrong way to get over the loss of your precious Maya. 

Just know that we will all be here for you. To listen and to lend a shoulder to cry on. We understand and we support you.

Hugs,
Tracy


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## flippedstars (Dec 16, 2009)

I just want to give you a big hug and a nice throw blanket, a box of tissues and some old movies. Everyone should be allowed to grieve. People don't understand how much we love our little babies and what a huge place they hold in our hearts...Don't feel bad for how you are feeling, your sweet baby is gone, it will take TIME and you will always miss her


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## cherper (May 8, 2009)

I am so sorry! I can imagine how hard it would be not to break down in public. I cry every time i read one of your posts.
People that don't have pets just simply can't understand, but it's truly like losing a child. 
Husband are so dumb at times, I know i'd like to strangle mine about everyday. They are just CLUELESS sometimes. 
I'm glad you can find some comfort in coming here to vent. And we all understand your pain and really care.
I pray your heart will mend soon and you will have peace.


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## foggy (Oct 12, 2009)

Aw hun, I'm so sorry you're not getting better support at home. I wish I could give you a big hug. It's so hard to lose our precious little ones, I think only true animal lovers can really understand the pain and how deep the grief runs. Please know that we all care and we're here for you to help you through this. xx


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

I can totally relate. When I lost Chase I basically shut myself off from the World, even my family.  I cried every day for at least 2 months. I had a necropsy done on him as well, and the things you are thinking, I thought too. What if I would have known sooner, what if something could have been done, what if I find out that it was my fault. I had all kinds of crazy thoughts. It's a normal part of grieving. People that aren't "dog" people don't get it. I didn't want to do anything, go anywhere, I just felt so lost, so dull, my heart ached with everything in me. It was terrible! So please know that some of us do understand. Each day will bring you closer to peace. It may not seem like it now, but time will allow you to remember all of the wonderful memories, instead of her death. Don't push yourself. Cry, scream, lay in bed, whatever it takes. I talked about Chase's ordeal to my family everyday. Repeated myself over and over. Then I'd go to my room and fall apart. It took all of that to help me heal. I felt angry at times because I wondered if my family was hurting as much as I was. I would drive down the road just balling my eyes out. I was a wreck! You will never forget her, and no pup will replace her, but you will feel better in time, I promise. Hold your Angel close to your heart, and know that this wasn't your fault. Let yourself grieve. (((((Hugs)))))


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## chideb (Jan 29, 2008)

Tricia, there are no words I can offer to easy your pain, but I can pray for your burden to be lightened and your heart to be comforted.. please know that I lift you up in prayer daily. Blessings, Deb


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## 18453 (Feb 6, 2010)

Tricia 

I don't think unless people have lost a pet understand how much it affects you!!! When I read your post about Maya I sobbed and held my puppies because you have gone through my worst nightmare with her!! 

You need to give yourself time to grieve I don't think it's any different to any loved one dying human or animal you will go through the same stages of hurt, anger etc as if you would if she was human!!

People don't understand, we on the forum do, I know you don't really know us but I think I speak for the entire chi community when I say if you need to talk, rant, scream, shout, remember the good times or cry we are all here to listen.

Love 
Sarah xx


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## Terri (Aug 21, 2009)

Everyone has said it perfectly already.
I too understand the grief of losing a much loved kid with fur, and i know what it's like for some people to not understand how i was feeling at all.
They thought it was just an animal, but that is just so wrong!
I was lucky at the the time that my boss understood and let me take time off.

Anyway, do what you have to and take as long as you need.
You will always love Maya and miss her, but i promise in time the pain will dull a bit and you will smile again, especially when you think of those special times you had with her.
If you were here i would give you a massive hug and prob have a good cry with you.

We really do understand and care.
Lots of love from me and mine. xxx


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## KayC (May 3, 2005)

It was March 13 2008 when I lost my "heart" dog Roxy so tragically. I will never forget it. So when I read of someone on here that has lost a pet I cry for them because I know what they are going through. I am soooo sorry you are going through this (((((HUGS))))). It has been 2.5 years and I still miss her everyday. I love my Zoey to bits but my Roxy was special. I am so sorry you are going through this. When I lost her I came on here begging for help on how to deal with the loss. She was almost 5 yers old. My constant companion. This board may have its quirks every now and then but we know what you are going through and we know that little dogs are special and are here to support you any way we can. The pain has dulled over the past 2 years but it is still there. When ever I think of her I get a stabbing sensation of pain in my chest as I did when I read about your little Maya. So it will get easier to deal with but my pain is still there. Although it does not consume me anymore. (((((HUGS))))) Kay


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## MakNLFi (Jun 8, 2010)

Please feel free to vent all you want. Take your time grieving and know that we are all here for you. (((HUGS)))


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## MsGramma (Jul 23, 2010)

Just wanted to say I am so sorry for Your family's loss.


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## bkbunny (Aug 11, 2009)

My husband and I are terribly saddened by your loss. We have thought of you all weekend. We to have no magic words for you but that you are loved by all here. We cry with you and we pray for you and your boys. I really hope you get the news from the vet you need to rest your heart. Big hugs and kisses
Your chi friend Bonnie


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## Reese and Miley (Jun 24, 2010)

Of course it is still hard. It is so difficult when you go through such a painful loss just to see the rest of the world acting fine and happy like its just another day, dont they realize nothing is ever going to be the same? Take the time you need. If crying in the shower helps, do it, if walking your pups helps, do it. Certainly vent here anytime you need to. We know how hard it is, we understand and we are here for you. For a true dog person, your dog is a part of you, theyre a part of your heart, and to lose that is so incredibly painful. Just want you to know there are people who understand and that we are thinking of you.


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## Lynne_and_Paco (Oct 4, 2010)

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can't say it gets better but I can say I understand, my Raven passed away a year ago last March 4th. I still remember the day, and I still cry when I see her pictures or her collar which I put up in my hutch. I can only hope for you that in time the pain becomes less and the happy memories outweigh the grief. ~gentle hugs~


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## xxtarafiedxx (Sep 10, 2010)

I still get teary-eyed over my childhood pets. We had a chi for a week before he passed away, and I still get upset over it when I look at the only picture we have of him. Just remember, Maya is in heaven now.


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## Chiboymom (Jul 8, 2009)

Tricia, we understand, you are among friends here. I wish I could give you a big hug and listen to stories about your Maya...you need to talk about how you feel. If no one near wants to listen, you just post here and we will all be waiting with open hearts, ready to listen. My heart aches for you.


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## Amandarose531 (Aug 9, 2010)

I tear up everytime I read these Maya posts  

It's a sad and terrible thing, but you did everything you could. Vent all you want, we're here; you've been a great mom to Maya and she knows that.

I'd love to say it will get better, but it'll be a dark gloomy path there. Just try to remember the good rather than the unfortunate, she's being taken care of in a better place now, nothing to worry about.
Keep your head up!


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## FBRaRrN (May 1, 2006)

I send a BIG HUG!! and a card saying how sorry I am so sorry i am.IT is hard when you loose an animal I have lost some before.It will get better as time goes.THe LOrd is with you and you will always have vids and pics or her and she will always live in you heart.


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## QUIGLEY'S MOM (Jan 12, 2010)

It amazed me after I lost Little Lady on Jan 3 of this year that the world went on around me as if nothing had happened. My heart ached so bad, and still does. I still had to get up, go to work, do errands, feed the family. With her gone there was no spark. And I miss her every single day! As everyone has said, unless you are a animal lover you just don't understand. We do. We know and feel you pain. I promise it will get easier as time goes by. Getting a puppy this soon after the passing of a special friend is not for everyone. However, it really helped me. He added life back into our home. How can you feel sad with a cute little tiny sweetheart running around filling your home with the spark of a new life? I can not imagine my life without Quigley. He is my special little guy. He did not replace her by any means. Little Lady was my special girl. I take comfort in the fact that she will live forever in my heart. Just as Maya will live forever in yours. 

You are in our thoughts and prayers. And try to take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. We do understand your pain.


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## LadyJ (Aug 20, 2010)

I know the feeling of thinking "How can the world just go on turning when my world is broken and I can't imagine how I will go on without my girl" after losing my Lacy. I cried for days and still do and the pain all comes rushing back sometimes. I was lucky to have a big support network of family and friends who loved Lacy, too, and understood my grief. I cry with every sad story here and always remember those who have suffered losses in my prayers. You have to grieve and let it happen and learn to go on. I will always love and miss Lacy, but can smile more often now remembering all the wonderful times I had with her and the love we shared. May God bless and help your heart heal.

Jeanette


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## 17428 (Jul 10, 2009)

Take all the time you need to grieve and heal.
Your chi friends understand and are here for you.
There will always be a place in your heart for Maya.
Dont stop loving and living but remember her there.


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## tricializ (Jun 1, 2010)

Thank you all. It's humbling to see so much support. Today was harder than yesterday but it isn't as hard as it was a few days ago. So I know I will be ok. I got a package from K State Hospital today and felt sick to my stomach. I thought it was Maya's ashes and was wondering why in the world I even asked for them to be sent to me. I don't know what I will do with them. Anyway, it turned out it was the towel that was wrapped around her that I brought her in. Just this ratty towel from the vet's office that they thought was mine. It was very nice of them to send it back, but honestly they didn't need to. I doubt it was worth the postage. But it was still hard to deal with for me and the boys. I have been doing laundry etc. and washing her bedding, finding her collar in the drawer and other clothes has been hard. My hardest thing is showing my other dogs affection. I'm just not up for it but fake it for their sake. I was at Qdoba getting dinner and was walking out and thought, "wow, I didn't think about her for a minute." And then I started to cry (not sobbing but you know). So I'm a little shaky today. I think also that the dream I had about her (she was running on a field with other dogs and I was watching the dogs and saw her and was like, "Oh my gosh, that's Maya." But then I was telling myself it couldn't be as she was gone. But then she waved to me with her paw but wouldn't come close. Then I woke up. I know it sounds crazy but I am at least hoping that it was a sign to tell me that she is ok although it truly gave me no comfort. Anyway, I didn't mean to vent more. I know tomorrow will be a better day. I am just dreading getting her remains back but anxious to get the necropsy report back.


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## Lei Lo (Oct 12, 2010)

Very sorry for your loss, I cannot relate but It's a shame people are not more sensitive.


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## cherper (May 8, 2009)

aww , what a sweet dream.  I'm glad it is starting to get a tiny bit easier for you . I just can't imagine how hard it is, and i would guess it's even harder to act like your ok because you think people expect you to be ok, but you're really not! 
You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers! Don't feel bad for venting, you know you can vent a million times a day for a million days and we all understand and sympathize with you.


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## LadyJ (Aug 20, 2010)

I had a bad moment when I got Lacy's ashes back, but I put them away and they don't bother me. Lacy isn't in that little wooden box. She's flying free, happy and cancer free, and waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.

Jeanette


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## SweetSymphony (Sep 5, 2010)

There are no words, except that platitudes that people say, that will help with loss. They mean well, but they don't understand. Reading all the responses to this post has made me cry. I won't go into detail because the losses my family has suffered this summer is to much, I hide from the grief as best I can and wear the mask that the world sees. Don't think me crazy but sometimes late at night or from the corner of my eye during the day I'll either see or feel a lost pet. They just come to check to make sure I'm alright and then are gone. The day my Grandmother died last month at the nursing home I know one of my lost babies was there with me, they touched my foot. 

I wish you well and that dream you had was Maya's way of letting you know shes fine and having a grand time in heaven with other dogs. It doesn't lessen the loss or the pain but you, me, we have to believe they are in a better place and happy. 

I think I've kinda rambled and I hope you can understand what I mean.


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## Chiboymom (Jul 8, 2009)

You will be glad, in time, that you asked for the ashes of Maya...you could keep some and sprinkle some in her favorite place to run and play. Her life was so short, but very full and she was so LOVED. You remain in my thoughts.


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## Dragonfly (Jun 6, 2010)

*I wish I could give you a big big hug right now! I am so sorry about all of this,I know sorryis all I can say but it won't do anything.  I wish I could do more. I don't expect anybody who has just lost their dog to just be RIGHT back in the swing of things, especially people like us who treasure our pets as much as we do our children. They are our children.  It's so hard and it will take time. This situation even more because it was so sudden! Not saying you wouldn't feel the same way if you knew it was coming but because you couldn't brace yourself......It's heartdropping. I feel your pain for you. I really do think that was sweet of the dance people to give you a card. Very thoughtful. Your children are probably sad too still losing a pet isn't easy. I know you know it's normal but like you said others out there don't expect us to greive so deeply over "just a pet" to them.....where I would be just as devastated if this was one of my own. Again I am so sorry for your loss hon and you can vent here any time you want and we are all here for you! :love2:​*


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## mrfiero (Sep 23, 2010)

I too can relate. I lost my Carmel about 6 weeks ago. I was devestated. She was the first dog that I every owned. She tought me so much, and I miss her dearly. She was by my side every second that I was home. I work the night shift, and she would sleep all day on the pillow next to me, just watching over me.

I recently bought another one, "Hazel". She has helped me, but I still have thoughts of Carmel all the time. I also will call Hazel by the name Carmel from time to time.

BTW, Hazel wants nothing to due with sleeping on the pillow next to me. She sleeps under the covers instead!

Thanks for sharing your story.


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