# Desparate to Co-Exist. Need advice...



## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

First off, let me say that I do not dislike chihuahuas or dogs in general.

That said let me explain my situation a bit.

I got married about 8 months ago (28M, 33F). My fiance has a 3 year old chihuahua, Pete. I knew she had the dog but we did not live together before getting married. I have never been much of an animal person but from what I saw of the dog I did not thinking sharing a house with him would be too difficult.

I was wrong. For the past 8 months I have tried everything to come to terms with the fact that this dog will be in my life for a LONG time to come. My wife adores him, calls him her "son". We have spent a lot of money to get him trained and it got better but he is still so willful.

My issues:

1. CONSTANT following, staring, being underfoot when she is not there.
2. Does not listen, very stubborn.
3. REFUSES to poop or pee in the cold, the instant we let him in, he goes.
4. Constant jumping in my lap, getting hair all over me. I am mildly allergic too.


I could go on and on. I guess what I want / need to know is how can I get the dog to understand that I am to be left alone? I have never and would never mistreat the dog but I really do not want to be my wife's stand in when she is away. I have discussed these issues with her and she cannot get past the fact that some people are just not animal people. I really cannot stand the constant following, lap jumping, etc. He even tries to get into the bathroom AND shower when I try to use them!!!

Please give advice on I how I can co-exist with this dog. What I want is to have minimal interaction.

Thanks...


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## 20887 (Mar 16, 2011)

I hate to say this, but chihuahuas are really "people" dogs. They can learn house rules, but they are companion dogs. I guess if you don't want to interact with him then there isn't much you can do besides ignore him, but really that might make you resent him more. Can you try to work on training with him? It might create a bond between the two of you and help solve his problems if he is willing to listen to you.


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## Blondie87 (Jan 10, 2011)

Yeah, everything you mentioned is kinda just a Chi thing. Not misbehaving. They are just needy. It's a thing most people love about them, but sometimes hate at the same time! You can try pee pads for inside when he won't go when it's cold. 

If you really don't want to be around him you can set up an area (bedroom or pen, separate baby gated area.) with beds, toys, pee pad, water, etc for him, and he can be in there while your wife is away. 

As the PP mentioned, if you trained him you might bond with him more, and then you might be okay with him following you and wanting to be on your lap. But other than those suggestions, I'm not sure there is anything you can do!


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## KayC (May 3, 2005)

Awwww poor Pete. He just wants to be with you. He is not going to understand that you want to be left alone because it is not in their nature. I hope you can bond with him. I agree with the baby gate if you dont want him to be around you but he may whine if he knows you are on the other side.


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## MChis (Oct 13, 2009)

I almost want to say you came to the wrong place with your concerns but what better place to learn about a Chi than here.  As what was mentioned Chi's are a companion dog meaning they were bred to have certain characteristics. Some dogs were bred as hunting dogs...its in their nature. Companion dogs were bred to be with their people at all times. Pete is doing a great job with what he's meant to do. Chi's will follow you from room to room, hop in your lap the second you sit & will act like you're crazy if you tell them otherwise. You can set boundaries for Pete...but its up to you to maintain those boundaries...you can't expect him to learn them & that's that. Dogs like in the moment & follow your lead so you must stay assertive if you want those limits. Check out how to be a good pack leader...it may be helpful. 

Please do cut Pete some slack though...he is doing what he is meant to do. Oh & the pottying issue...just stay outside longer & keep him tethered to you when you go inside. If he starts to squat lift him up immediatelt mid poo/pee & put him outside to finish. You have to be diligent about it...have lots of patience & persistence & he'll catch on. 

Good luck!


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## Jerry'sMom (May 5, 2009)

Good for you for trying to find a solution for you and Pete! I agree with the
ex-pen idea. I think if you can maintain your boundaries with Pete you may start to like being
around him


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## MiniGrace (Oct 31, 2011)

He may be following you around because he knows that you are upset and he is trying to make peace. He may be desperately attempting all the things that work with your wife and doesn't understand why he isn't making you happy.

You know, even dog people have different ideas of what's acceptable. I am a very physical, huggy person and I like my dogs all over me. I have a friend who doesn't like her dog in her lap but thinks nothing of letting the dog lick her plate, which I think is gross. I let my dogs kiss my face. My husband doesn't like them to kiss his face. When they try, he tells them no, eases them down into his lap, and then pets them and tells them they are good dogs. Our late German Shepherd (RIP Tesla) knew that it was okay to jump on my husband but not me so she would politely sit in front of me to be petted. They are capable of learning boundaries. Gentle consistency has always worked for us. An ex-pen or baby gate when your wife leaves is perfectly acceptable to me as long as he doesn't spend all his time there.

You are right, though. You have to figure this out because not only will he be in your life for a long while, if you wife is a dog person, he is not going to be the only dog in your life. Figure out what your boundaries are and don't feel guilty about it. Enforce those gently with the dog and your wife. Their feelings matter but so do yours! You can work this out - it can be done.


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## Squirrelflight (Nov 17, 2011)

I'm with mini grace... he will learn how to be differently with you than your wife. My chis are very different with me than with my hubby. You just need to help him know what you like. And it cant just be 'ignore me'.. lol

When I get home I ignore the dogs until they are all calm then I say hello, we go out for potty, and everone gets a treat. Try to figure a 'greeting' that works for you but lets the dog feel 'noticed' and cared about. It can be very low key.

Try tossing a pillow or cozy blanket near you and when he hops in your lap put him on his blanket. If you catch him on his blanket give him a treat and kind word to encourage that. 

If you ignore him he will pester more. If you just take a few minutes to give some low key attention and look for opportunities to give attention and treats when he is less underfoot he will learn that this is how he gets what he wants from you. 

It is entirely possible to have a chihuahua who is more low key. My hubby likes they all crazy and hyper but I like calmness. So with him they jump all over and go nuts. For me they are quiet and calm and wait for my attention. Even the pups have learned that you have to be calm or mom will just ignore you. It does work. They are little attention hounds for sure so use that to your advantage and give attention when he is not annoying for you.


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## pigeonsheep (Nov 8, 2008)

*throws an egg at ur nose* boooooo! i hope u figure things out with poor pete. even if ur mildly allergic u know....if u live with an animal long enough ur body will get uaed to the allergies? im highly allergic to my bfs cats yet i continue to pet, cuddle with them when im over his place because i love them and the bf too. and i agree if u really cant stand him just make him a seperate room when ur wifey is gone. im hopin he has toys and chews to play with too :albino:


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## guccigrande (Apr 17, 2011)

notgivingup said:


> First off, let me say that I do not dislike chihuahuas or dogs in general.
> 
> That said let me explain my situation a bit.
> 
> ...


Well, I think pretty much everything you mentioned there apart from the peeing is normal for chihuahuas and some other dogs in general.
They always follow you because they are people poochies and so you do need to watch out where you step because they are so small.
Chihuahuas can be stubborn, but they DO learn and listen with persistence and training
The hair shedding is also normal and unfortunately can't be stopped, but if you brush them daily they shed less.
As for the peeing and pooing, I have puppy pad trained my ones, so they know where to go at home so maybe you can give that a go.

But when you chose to marry your wife, the chihuahua came as a package and you should just try and love it too because its part of your family now.
Good luck


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## sammyp (Jun 14, 2011)

like in all the other comments he is a chihuahua and this is what he is going to do. My girls wont pee outside when its raining so pee pads are your best bet.
Sorry to say this but if your wife is anything like the people on here she will want you to live together end off !!!!
I think you can just ignore him but im worried pete will end up hating you and that will make your problems worse.
Training and a lil give and take is just about your only option.
Good luck your going to need it lol


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## LostLakeLua (Sep 6, 2009)

Ok I am prolly gonna get boo'ed off the forum for this... but no matter HOW nice and sweet you are I have no idea how your wife or any other chi person could marry you, lmao.

Ok ok ok, that horrible part of me aside; if I had no choice but to coexist with a *shudders at the thought* non-dog-person.... I would probably feel better if I (that being your wife, if you make your feelings clear to her) set up an area myself for my dogs... somewhere in my room that I knew you couldn't be around him. I know this sounds seriously horrible; but if you truly don't want the dog around you and to be left alone I would feel horrible leaving my dog to deal with that. Chi's have no way of grasping that people want to be entirely "left alone." So I'd avoid the situation entirely and set up an area with a pee pad and toys and chewies so that while I was gone the dog had a safe place to be. Not that being around you is "unsafe" don't get me wrong. I just wouldn't want to put my dog through being stressed/confused trying to follow someone around and getting shut down constantly... sure they can learn to cope with it but that doesn't mean they'll be happy. I guess that makes me a horrible person but so be it. I choose not to surround myself with people who aren't dog people.... call me the crazy dog lady but my dogs happiness is a priority. I can't imagine my OH being any different than scooping up our dogs for kisses, "tucking" them into blankets at night, and loving the attention when we're cuddled under blankets with little warm doggies piled on top. I don't understand how you non-dog people work, LOL.


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

Wow! Thanks for the great responses! I was expecting to be blasted.

I don't hate Pete. I just, for better or worse, am not a dog person. For my part I am going to continue to work on it. I really have no choice, he will be around for a long time!

I had not thought of asking her to set up a separate place for him when she is not around. That would be better than him being stressed because I don't want him around.

Thanks so much for being kind and understanding!


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## Kaila (Nov 10, 2009)

My boyfriend and I have struggled with our relationship being "dog person" vs. "non-dog person" (specifically CAT person) for a few months. There are things that I love about Teddy, and dogs in general, that my boyfriend just finds grating. For example, I love snuggling with Teddy in the bed at night. It's been that way for us ever since he was a puppy. My boyfriend hates it!

However, we finally struck a compromise that seems to work for us. Like you, he doesn't like Teddy being in our business 24/7. Teddy pretty much goes wherever I go, and I like it that way, but when my boyfriend is with me he wants to be with ME-- not always with me _and_ my dog. The compromise was that Teddy be allowed to sleep in the bed, but before bedtime we have an hour or two to cuddle in bed and watch TV while Teddy lays on his own dog bed on the floor. When we're ready to sleep I let him back on the bed.

I think that creating boundaries really helped the relationship between my boyfriend and Teddy. In the beginning he seemed to resent him for always being around (he viewed him as a little bit of a third wheel, I think). Now he treats him like more of a buddy. I don't know whether he truly enjoys being around him or whether he's just trying really hard for my sake, but it has helped to reduce some of the anxiety on my end. Either way, I think that whether he likes him or just tolerates him isn't important.. As long as our compromise works for our situation, then I'm happy.

My point is that, if your wife creates a space just for Pete and you don't feel forced to be around him constantly, you may find that you enjoy interacting with him on your own terms and in small increments.

I hope it works out for you! Good luck!


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## mellawson (Nov 8, 2011)

Are you defiantly not a dog person or are you a person who just never really had a dog? My husband claimed to not be a dog person at first but turns out he just never had a good relationship with a dog. May I suggest instead of trying to figure out how to "co-exist" with Pete try finding some way to enjoy him. Watch how your wife interacts with him (when she thinks your not paying attention) and see how happy she is, you don't have to be a dog person to appreciate that.


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## pjknust (Oct 26, 2011)

well, Im with KittynKahlua, but wasnt gonna stir up a stink. You would be history in my house. My dogs come first and I would never be friends with much less live with a non dog person. I make my living with dogs, been in dogs all my life, my grandpa was the 'dogcatcher' when I was a little girl. 

Nope, sorry, no ear ticklin pointers for you. You would be on the porch

pam in TX





KittynKahlua said:


> Ok I am prolly gonna get boo'ed off the forum for this... but no matter HOW nice and sweet you are I have no idea how your wife or any other chi person could marry you, lmao.
> 
> Ok ok ok, that horrible part of me aside; if I had no choice but to coexist with a *shudders at the thought* non-dog-person.... I would probably feel better if I (that being your wife, if you make your feelings clear to her) set up an area myself for my dogs... somewhere in my room that I knew you couldn't be around him. I know this sounds seriously horrible; but if you truly don't want the dog around you and to be left alone I would feel horrible leaving my dog to deal with that. Chi's have no way of grasping that people want to be entirely "left alone." So I'd avoid the situation entirely and set up an area with a pee pad and toys and chewies so that while I was gone the dog had a safe place to be. Not that being around you is "unsafe" don't get me wrong. I just wouldn't want to put my dog through being stressed/confused trying to follow someone around and getting shut down constantly... sure they can learn to cope with it but that doesn't mean they'll be happy. I guess that makes me a horrible person but so be it. I choose not to surround myself with people who aren't dog people.... call me the crazy dog lady but my dogs happiness is a priority. I can't imagine my OH being any different than scooping up our dogs for kisses, "tucking" them into blankets at night, and loving the attention when we're cuddled under blankets with little warm doggies piled on top. I don't understand how you non-dog people work, LOL.


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## Tanna (Jan 29, 2009)

I would also suggest that Pete get alot of exercise, it will help him get out some of his energy and he will be much more mellow when he's hanging out, but his excerise needs to be daily. Good luck


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## guccigrande (Apr 17, 2011)

Tanna said:


> I would also suggest that Pete get alot of exercise, it will help him get out some of his energy and he will be much more mellow when he's hanging out, but his excerice needs to be daily. Good luck


I agree, exercise could help quite a lot


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## Pixie Luna (Jan 11, 2011)

I almost found that quite sad to read. 
Granted you made the effort to come here for advice, but it seemed like you have instantly dismissed Pete without giving him a chance to bond with you etc? 
Whats the worst that could happen from a dog wanting to bond with you - especially a Chihuauha! What would you do if it was a great Dane lol 

Like you say he's in your life for the longterm - make the best of that situation he is like a member of 'your' family, im sure if I was getting married id have said you take me AND the dog nor me OR the dog  
Im not a cat person, I hate the amount of furr they lose, their claws make me shudder but if it was my husbands cat I would love it for being just that...a part of my husbands personality.
To show love for an animal demonstrates empathy and emotion to me.
Maybe explore if it could even be a hint of jealousy on your part if your wife is so close to Pete?


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## felix93 (Apr 2, 2009)

I have a FB friend whose husband doesn't like dogs but my friend has dogs all her life. They married for over 40 years and are still happily married. I don't know the exact secret of their happy marriage, but they agree to draw a line regarding my friend's dogs. The dogs have their own nursery, I mean nursery is like a human baby ones, they even have a baby cot in there for the dogs to sleep at night. A wardrobe and all in that room. They have a baby gate on the door, so I guess the husband can put her dogs in their room while she's not at home. But they have more than 1 dog, so that means the dogs are not lonely and not seeking for human attention while in their room. I understand not everybody is a dog person, my husband is more a cat person and he doesn't mind the dogs in the house and my dogs (both Chihuahuas and Staffordshire Bull Terriers) learn not to cross the line with time, but they have their own companies to play and socialise with, so even if my son or I am not around, the dogs are happy enough to play together without bothering my husband. 

Good luck and hope you will find a solution soon.


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

I figured I would ruffle some feathers here, and that's ok. I knew that on a forum like this my opinions would not be very popular.

I think part of the problem is that I could never have imagined just how needy the dog is. I mean it's not enough that he is sitting next to me when I am using the laptop, he has to try and crawl in my lap despite me repeatedly, over the course of several months, correcting him. It gets frustrating. I have never wanted a dog and I thought that I would be able to leave the majority of the "dog chores" to my wife. I have ended up doing far more than I care to do. I wish she would have prepared me better for what I could expect. I never knew to ask. A long discussion wife my wife is in order. We need to find a happy medium.

Like I said I think if he was more laid back it would be easier, but the EXTREME neediness is what bothers me.

Anyway thanks for the great advice and suggestions!


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## Jerry'sMom (May 5, 2009)

notgivingup said:


> I figured I would ruffle some feathers here, and that's ok. I knew that on a forum like this my opinions would not be very popular.
> 
> I think part of the problem is that I could never have imagined just how needy the dog is. I mean it's not enough that he is sitting next to me when I am using the laptop, he has to try and crawl in my lap despite me repeatedly, over the course of several months, correcting him. It gets frustrating. I have never wanted a dog and I thought that I would be able to leave the majority of the "dog chores" to my wife. I have ended up doing far more than I care to do. I wish she would have prepared me better for what I could expect. I never knew to ask. A long discussion wife my wife is in order. We need to find a happy medium.
> 
> ...


some dogs really are more needy than others. Jerry is my clinging vine 
Tabitha helps even out that energy and gives him someone else to interact
with (other than me 24/7)...


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## MChis (Oct 13, 2009)

notgivingup said:


> I figured I would ruffle some feathers here, and that's ok. I knew that on a forum like this my opinions would not be very popular.
> 
> I think part of the problem is that I could never have imagined just how needy the dog is. I mean it's not enough that he is sitting next to me when I am using the laptop, he has to try and crawl in my lap despite me repeatedly, over the course of several months, correcting him. It gets frustrating. I have never wanted a dog and I thought that I would be able to leave the majority of the "dog chores" to my wife. I have ended up doing far more than I care to do. I wish she would have prepared me better for what I could expect. I never knew to ask. A long discussion wife my wife is in order. We need to find a happy medium.
> 
> ...


I'd say she should have "warned" you BUT you didn't know the dog was like this BEFORE you got married? And you thought things would change? Saying Chihuahuas are companion dogs isn't like saying they're friendly dogs & that is that. Chihuahuas have a NEED to be with people...in their laps even. They're persistent when they know they will get what they want. Sure some Chi's are more "needy" than others but geesh. They're DOGS. The understand like dogs...they don't have human concept or understanding. They know what they know unless you make the boundaries clear which you obviously have not if he's still trying to climb in your lap (which you allow him to do!! LOL). You talk to the wifey all you want but I'm thinking if she's anything like the folks here who love their Chi's you're gonna be sleepin' on the couch. 

Honestly...from a marriage stand point...you know your wife won't give up her Pete. You know how Pete is & that he'll be with you for a long time. Talk it over & make some guidelines you're both comfortable with. But really...the dog was there first & you married her. Accept the situation & make the best of it. Accept he is a DOG that was bred to "NEED" to be with people. Don't hold that against him--it's not fair. And freshen up on being a good pack leader which will help you create better boundaries that Pete will understand instead of not creating boundaries & holding a grudge toward a dog that is doing what is natural to him.


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## Finn (Sep 14, 2010)

I am wondering if your wife makes a big fuss over Pete in front of you, almost setting up a rivalry situation? Just curious. For example, if you don't want Pete to do something (like jump on you), does she swoop him up and baby him? I hope she doesn't so this. We love our Chis, but they still must not be alpha to the humans in the house. I have seen people let dogs come between relationships. As bizarre as that may sound, it happens.


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## Tanna (Jan 29, 2009)

notgivingup said:


> I figured I would ruffle some feathers here, and that's ok. I knew that on a forum like this my opinions would not be very popular.
> 
> I think part of the problem is that I could never have imagined just how needy the dog is. I mean it's not enough that he is sitting next to me when I am using the laptop, he has to try and crawl in my lap despite me repeatedly, over the course of several months, correcting him. It gets frustrating. I have never wanted a dog and I thought that I would be able to leave the majority of the "dog chores" to my wife. I have ended up doing far more than I care to do. I wish she would have prepared me better for what I could expect. I never knew to ask. A long discussion wife my wife is in order. We need to find a happy medium.
> 
> ...


How sad, poor little Pete, he just wants to be your friend, I can't understand why you would shun his love and affection, why don't you give him a chance? This situation could very well have gone the other way, he could be barking, growling and otherwise just hating you, but he is trying to be your friend and campanion, he is trying to make you a family member and you are not compromising. I also find it very hard to believe that you didn't know about these behaviors before you got married, didn't you spend time with the dog?


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

Finn said:


> I am wondering if your wife makes a big fuss over Pete in front of you, almost setting up a rivalry situation? Just curious. For example, if you don't want Pete to do something (like jump on you), does she swoop him up and baby him? I hope she doesn't so this. We love our Chis, but they still must not be alpha to the humans in the house. I have seen people let dogs come between relationships. As bizarre as that may sound, it happens.


Yes, she absolutely does this and it DOES bother me. I try not to be petty but sometimes I fail...


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

Tanna said:


> How sad, poor little Pete, he just wants to be your friend, I can't understand why you would shun his love and affection, why don't you give him a chance? This situation could very well have gone the other way, he could be barking, growling and otherwise just hating you, but he is trying to be your friend and campanion, he is trying to make you a family member and you are not compromising. I also find it very hard to believe that you didn't know about these behaviors before you got married, didn't you spend time with the dog?


I spend SOME time with the dog, just not enough obviously. We were always going out and she usually came over to my house. Like I said I have never had a dog and I just did not know what it was all about.


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## Finn (Sep 14, 2010)

I think you need to talk with her about that behavior. You sound like a very nice man to me--you are recognizing the issue and looking for advice, and from a pretty tough crowd at that! I think it is perfectly reasonable that you didn't know what to expect from having a dog around, let alone a Chi. I really think your spouse needs to step up and help make things better not assume you will have to do all the work to figure it out. At the risk of hate mail from my fellow Chi-board members, the problem IMO isn't with Pete or with you--it's with your spouse who is either unable or unwilling to help smooth the transition. It's not that much different from a situation when one partner has kids and the other doesn't have kids. Anyway, best of luck in finding a solution.


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## MiniGrace (Oct 31, 2011)

I wouldn't send you hate mail for that post. That's an excellent point in my opinion.


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

Finn said:


> I think you need to talk with her about that behavior. You sound like a very nice man to me--you are recognizing the issue and looking for advice, and from a pretty tough crowd at that! I think it is perfectly reasonable that you didn't know what to expect from having a dog around, let alone a Chi. I really think your spouse needs to step up and help make things better not assume you will have to do all the work to figure it out. At the risk of hate mail from my fellow Chi-board members, the problem IMO isn't with Pete or with you--it's with your spouse who is either unable or unwilling to help smooth the transition. It's not that much different from a situation when one partner has kids and the other doesn't have kids. Anyway, best of luck in finding a solution.


I think this is close to the mark. I think I really need her help. I think one of the problems is that she was so taken aback that someone (me) did not fall instantly in love with Pete. I am not built like that. It takes me a LONG time to warm to changes in my life.

We just both need to keep working and hopefully get this situation resolved to both or our liking.

Thanks again!


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## mellawson (Nov 8, 2011)

Just thought I would share this I have always been a dog person..ALWAYS..but when I met my husband I lived in an apartment and couldn't have one with me so my dog lived with my mom. When we got married I literately drove my husband crazy cause I missed having a dog but he was hesitant to have one in the house. I compromised by sharing my dog with my mom so she was only at our house part of the time and he got used to me being the crazy dog lady a little at a time. It didn't happen overnight but 15 years later he actually brought Penny home with out even asking me...lol I don't know what excited me more getting such an adorable new puppy or realizing my husband is now a crazy dog guy. I'm just saying just keep trying you will figure it out.


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## GypsyChi (Nov 20, 2011)

Blondie87 said:


> If you really don't want to be around him you can set up an area (bedroom or pen, separate baby gated area.) with beds, toys, pee pad, water, etc for him, and he can be in there while your wife is away.


I agree,I love my chi but sometimes mommy needs a time out. I put her in her pen with her toys and her bed and that way i can do what i need with out her under foot. between her and my son , even the biggest chi lover needs a time out once in awhile


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## Barneys_Mom99 (Nov 27, 2011)

I agree. Having a safe den is a good thing for the dog and the humans. I don't leave Barney in there very long, but I do put in him a few times a day. He can see us, has water and chew toys, and I know he will get some rest and time when he is by himself for a bit. I think this is good him, and certainly will help him when I need to leave him home alone. I want him to be able to self soothe, be independent, as well as share play/love time during parts of the day when we both can give it full attention.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

I'm so glad u posted this my bf has never had a dog in his life and I go to his house every time he's only been to mine a couple of times so really doesn't know my dogs that well yet but we are planning to move in together in the summer Im so glad for this post bc it made me think from a non dog persons point of view and gave me thing to bring up with him before he just gets thrown Into owning 2 of them. I tOld him about this thread alreay and hae discussed some issues one of the things he brought up was them sleepin in the bed lol I'm glad we can have this talk before we move that way I can know where he's coming from and I have some time to work with my dogs. I never thought I would ever be with anyone who wasn't a huge dog person not that he's not he's just never had one before its going to be a big change for him and my dogs too.


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

Chihuahuasloveme said:


> I'm so glad u posted this my bf has never had a dog in his life and I go to his house every time he's only been to mine a couple of times so really doesn't know my dogs that well yet but we are planning to move in together in the summer Im so glad for this post bc it made me think from a non dog persons point of view and gave me thing to bring up with him before he just gets thrown Into owning 2 of them. I tOld him about this thread alreay and hae discussed some issues one of the things he brought up was them sleepin in the bed lol I'm glad we can have this talk before we move that way I can know where he's coming from and I have some time to work with my dogs. I never thought I would ever be with anyone who wasn't a huge dog person not that he's not he's just never had one before its going to be a big change for him and my dogs too.


Yes. Trust me, it is a huge change if one is not used to dogs. As for sleeping in the bed.....

I told her (before I moved in) that I found that idea unpleasant (no offense) but that was all that I said. She (thankfully) made the decision to not let him sleep in the bed anymore. I can't tell you how much that compromise has meant to me.

Just be open and honest and don't get your feelings hurt if he does not fall in love with the dogs instantly!


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## jesuschick (Dec 5, 2010)

Oh, mister. You could be telling my story.

I was SO INCREDIBLY NOT a "pet person". We had Chis as a kid and they did not like me so I never liked dogs. Never wanted a dog. EVER. Don't get me started on cats...haha!

So, 9 years ago (today is the 9th anniversary of our first date, actually) I went on this date with this guy I had known-at a distance-at work for years. I was 38 and he, 39.
BEST date of my life. My girlfriend called the next day and asked, "So. What is wrong with him"? because that is how I usually began my conversations about dates with her. 

I stammered and said, "Well, he has a dog". I got silence and then she said, while laughing at me, "He sounds just awful". I went on to explain that the dog (a Chi named Mick) belonged to his mom but after suffering strokes had to go to a nursing home and she cried about what to do with Mick more than losing her freedom and selling her home. My friend's reply next was classic. "Wow. This story gets worse. He practically sounds like a criminal".

So, he explained that the dog, while only 5, did not like people and was snippy/crabby so not to acknowledge him nor expect anything. Perfect. He told me that I would sit quietly on his living room floor and he would try to keep him calm. Great. 

Well, I came in to a wildly barking dog and I sat down. Mick jumped right up in my lap and licked me on the mouth. I saw fireworks in his (my now husband's) eyes.

I began having what we called "visitation" so that if he came over Friday evening, he brought Mick with rather than leaving him at home and Mick stayed the night with me when my husband went home if we had plans together for the next day. 

I switched him right away from Pedigree to IAMS (okay, I really did no better but I was ill informed and knew no better) and began taking over his care.

We took him to the nursing home to visit my mother-in-law regularly. As best she could get the words out, she told me once that I was his mom now and that was okay. I reminded her that I was not. I was his sister-in-law! 
We took him the weekend that she was dying. He was her dog, after all. I whispered to her that I would take care of both of her boys forever and that she could go if she needed to and without worrying about them. 

He loved my husband best (and he should have) until his very last breath but that silly, mean dog dug himself so far into my heart that I truly thought it would be broken forever after he died.

I will NEVER be the same.

My husband and I cried, could not sleep nor eat for a few days and we knew even though we had these great plans for what we would do when we had freedom without pets that we had to get another dog. We did. Within days of losing him (he had been critically ill for 8 months).

And then another 2 months later. And another just 8 months later. 

Our girls will NEVER replace Mick. We tell them that they took his space, not his place.

So, good luck. Try your very best not to fall in love....haha!


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## svdreamer (Feb 20, 2010)

Wow, that was a great story, Karen, you got me crying. lol 

My son does not like animals, especially dogs. He was adopted from a Romanian ophanage and the dogs over there run in packs and occasionally would break in to the orphanage and carry off a baby. He's allowed not to like them, he just is not allowed to be mean to them. I got him when he was 8 years-old, he's now 23 and just recently he allowed Gonzo to sleep with him. Huge breakthrough but it took all that time for him to get used a dog. And really the only reason he let him sleep with him at first is because Gonzo insisted. lol Now he kinda likes that Gonzo likes him so much. He still doesn't pet any of them or interact that much with them, but that's ok. If he ever moves out, I bet he will be animal-less. And that's fine for him.


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## Kaila (Nov 10, 2009)

notgivingup said:


> I told her (before I moved in) that I found that idea unpleasant (no offense) but that was all that I said. She (thankfully) made the decision to not let him sleep in the bed anymore. I can't tell you how much that compromise has meant to me.


Wow, you should be really appreciative that your wife has made the choice to not have the dog in the bed anymore! That was the one thing I could not give up. I might feel different as the months/years go on, but from where I am right now, it was a compromise I was not willing to make.

Teddy has slept in the bed with me since he was 11 weeks old (he's now almost 2 1/2 years). Before my relationship with my boyfriend, I had wanted a dog so badly.. largely so that I would have a guardian by my side when I'm asleep. I used to have night terrors, but they are mostly gone now that I have Teddy. They come back if I sleep in a new place or have to sleep completely alone. I wake up in the middle of the night and feel panicked that someone is in the room with me. Having another person nearby never helps since they don't wake up to every little noise like I do (I'm an extremely light sleeper).. but a dog has exceptional hearing. If there was truly something to worry about, Teddy would lift his head, bark, or go investigate. The security and peace of mind that he offers me is something that I wasn't willing to give up for my relationship because it has to do with my own sense of well-being. Without Teddy, I wake up 4-6 times each night, lie awake stressing for hours about something that isn't really there, and I end up feeling exhausted. I'm a horrible person to be around when I haven't gotten a good night's rest.. especially when it goes on and on like it tends to do.

My boyfriend may not like Teddy sleeping in the bed, but I hope that he at least understands and appreciates my need to feel safe at night. (Though I think part of him might be sad that his presence alone doesn't make me feel 100% safe. It's really nothing to do with him and I try to make him understand that. It's just a human vs. dog thing; dogs have better hearing. That's really all it is.) I feel safest when I'm sandwiched between my boyfriend AND my dog. 

That being said.. It's not that I ever want to give the impression that my needs trump his. When we move in together, I'll want Teddy in the bed with us each night and I'm not sure I'll be able to give that up. But to try to make up for it I'm willing to kick Teddy off the bed or put him in another room whenever my boyfriend decides that he needs space just for us without the dog. I try to have Teddy influence his life in as few other ways as possible (I very, very rarely ask him to take him outside, he doesn't pay for any of Teddy's care, I've only had him dogsit twice very briefly when I didn't have a better alternative, etc.). I hope that's enough for him. I really don't want him to resent either of us.

Karen, I keep crossing my fingers that my boyfriend falls in love with Teddy like you fell in love with Mick. That was a really touching story. I cried.


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## Kaila (Nov 10, 2009)

mellawson said:


> Just thought I would share this I have always been a dog person..ALWAYS..but when I met my husband I lived in an apartment and couldn't have one with me so my dog lived with my mom. When we got married I literately drove my husband crazy cause I missed having a dog but he was hesitant to have one in the house. I compromised by sharing my dog with my mom so she was only at our house part of the time and he got used to me being the crazy dog lady a little at a time. It didn't happen overnight but 15 years later he actually brought Penny home with out even asking me...lol I don't know what excited me more getting such an adorable new puppy or realizing my husband is now a crazy dog guy. I'm just saying just keep trying you will figure it out.


Love this.


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

Sounds to me like Pete needs a playmate. As in, another chi!!


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## MiniGrace (Oct 31, 2011)

Well, doesn't everybody want another Chi?


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## GypsyChi (Nov 20, 2011)

as much as i agree...its probably not the solution right now....from no dog to dogs? baby steps, they need to learn to co exist then work on geting a friend for pete


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Well we spoke a bit about it today he's spending 2 weeks at my house over Christmas it'll be his first time spending more than a night with them you know ninja is not a people person at all he prefers to only stick with me and usually won't look at new people that come over but my bf some how the very first time meeting ninja had him on his lap and petting him lol truly a miracle he must be a keeper! I told him I'm willing to compromise on anything he doesn't like about the dogs and will work to train them out of any habits he doesn't agree with too well see what happens about the dogs sleeping in. The bed thin over Xmas baby barly sleeps in my bed these days but ninja is half hairless so he freezes his bity off at night and loves to be on my bed bc I have a heated blanket lol he Said he's more concerned about squishing them but well see I'm open to compromise chihuahuas are such a handful for a dog very needy I understand totally if it becomes too much for him 

I hope everything works out for you!


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## notgivingup (Dec 9, 2011)

GypsyChi said:


> as much as i agree...its probably not the solution right now....from no dog to dogs? baby steps, they need to learn to co exist then work on geting a friend for pete


Exactly. I am not sure I could handle another just yet.


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## MiniGrace (Oct 31, 2011)

LOL - that's why I said doesn't everybody want another one? _Want_ and _need_ are definitely two different things. I know my limit for sure and that's the two that I have. And yes, I agree adding another one would just cause more trouble for you at this point.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

You sound like my sister. When she moved back home after a breakup she had to put up with my chihuahuas. She hates dogs and hair. Chihuahua will climb on your lap and cuddle in next to you and follow you around. Have you tried giving in and letting the little guy into your heart? You should see my dad with my chis, they're all on him at once!! 

My chi's ask to go toilet then take one look outside and if it's raining turn around and head back inside. In those situations I go out in the garden with them. I carry them out, shut the door and stand there in the cold and rain with them. They soon learn and just do it.

I can't really offer more advice than that. People who don't like animals much are biarre to me. Not being nasty but it's just weird to me. The best thing about a chi is when they're all curled up nice and warm on your lap. Pete obviously likes you or he wouldn't come to you for a snuggle.


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

I agree, not a good time for two!! But being a dog lover, isn't hard to think how you could not love 'em!! 
Anyway, ultimately, each set of circumstances is unique and we must each find our own solutions.
Good luck to you. I am sure everything will work out!


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