# Please Help - 2nd Dog Buyer's Remorse



## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

First off, I am a horrible person. You will see this as you read this post, so understand I make no excuses for my behavior.

I got my first chi, Ricky, last summer. He is a little over a year right now. I suffer from anxiety issues, and when I first brought him home I had a panic attack about being able to care for him, and even told my husband that I would have to turn him into a shelter because I couldn't handle it. Luckily by the next day I felt better, and over the next couple of days I fell madly in love. Right now, I absolutely adore Ricky although sometimes I wonder if I have an unhealthy obsession/infatuation for him.

He is extremely hyper, and although I take him for walks and to dog playgroups, he just always wants to play. I try my best, "wrestling" with him using my hand, or waving stuffed animals around for him to attack. But it never seems to entertain him for long and he will often jump around me and/or play bow, and sometimes make frustrated noises like "come on let's play!" but I never know what he wants to do. He doesn't seem to care for fetch. But when I take him to dog playgroups he has a great time running around 
and wrestling with other dogs.

So several months ago I started thinking that maybe he might like a playmate. As much as I love playing with him and spending time with him, I didn't seem to satisfy him, plus there are times when I'm cooking dinner or (occasionally) relaxing in front of the TV and he is whining to be played with.A few months ago I found a dog on PetFinder that looked cute and from the description seemed to be a good match. I applied to the shelter and arranged a meeting. I think this shelter is a bit shady as they told me that they would expect me to take the dog home with me right then if I liked her. But I agreed to the meeting.

That morning, before the meeting (planned for Sunday afternoon) I freaked out. I became consumed by the 
idea that I could never love another dog like I loved Ricky, and that I didn't want to "share" myself with anyone else. It wouldn't be just me and him anymore, and I was upset at losing that. We went to the meeting, and as it turns out the dogs did not get along, and I was so relieved. So I put the idea of a second dog out of my mind for a while. Maybe that should have been my sign to let the idea go.

But as spring went on, Ricky was still hyper and playful and I still felt like he deserved a playmate. I talked to some people I knew who had 2 dogs, and they all recommended it as a good idea, with one saying it is "less work" than one because they keep each other busy, and others saying that it is more work than one, but only slightly. They all assured me that I would love a second dog just as much.

So I kept looking on Petfinder. I was basically looking for a female dog about his size and age, and I found one. However when we met, she was extremely shy, and even though I knew she may just be scared, she 
didn't seem a good fit for his temperament.

Then an acquaintance told me that she was fostering 2 female chis and asked if I would like to meet them. I had seen them on Petfinder but hesitated because they were listed as 2 1/2 to 3 years and I wondered if that would be too much of an age difference, plus their photos hadn't really "grabbed" me like the others. But I told myself not to be shallow and agreed to a meeting.

Again, one of the dogs was really shy, but the other one, Sugar, was very friendly, coming up to me and my husband with her tail wagging and allowing us to pet her. Ricky jumped around her like he wanted to play, and she briefly responded positively. Of course, then he tried to hump her and she growled, which was understandable.

So after talking with my husband, we figured Sugar was a good match for Ricky, based on her energy and playfulness that we observed. However, I still didn't really feel like I had any "attachment" or bond toward her. So I guess that was another mistake, rushing into picking a dog, because really, there was no need for a rush, other than my own impatience. I figured I would grow to love Sugar just as much as Ricky, but I suppose I should have picked a dog that I felt more sure of my own feelings for, not just how she interacted with Ricky.

So after she moved in, right away I began to panic at every little thing. She growled at him when he approached, so I worried they wouldn't get along. Also I felt bad for Ricky that Sugar seemed to be the "alpha" in this relationship. And this shows how weirdly obsessed I am with him, I just started feeling 
bad that my precious little puppy was maybe upset by this change, or how she commandeered his bed (not 
the one I bought for her) or that she would sit on my lap and growl if he approached.

I tried to remind myself that I had felt the same panic when I first got Ricky, although that went away after 2 or 3 days. A week later, this hadn't. I still worried that they weren't getting along, that she wasn't playing with him, plus now the added work of a second dog. She ate more slowly than him, and Ricky would try to eat from her plate, so I have to separate them for feeding. And yes, I should have given more consideration to all the work involved in a second dog - separating them for feeding, trying to walk them together, etc.

Plus it seems that they are both very needy and wanting attention, so when I leave the room (we sometimes
put gates up in the kitchen) instead of one dog crying because I left, now I have 2 dogs crying. I realize now I had unrealistic expectations about the whole thing. I got a dog I wasn't crazy about myself just because I thought she would be a good fit for Ricky. I don't know, I guess I envisioned her as like his babysitter or something, that she would keep him "entertained" when I couldn't. But I'm now seeing that she is not as energetic as on our first meeting. She is very much a lap dog. As soon as my husband or I sit on the floor, she will plop herself down on our lap and go to sleep, even if she had only recently woken up for breakfast. I was starting to feel that maybe she was older than 3 years as she didn't seem to have anywhere near Ricky's energy. And I don't mean to say I was expecting another dog to do *all* the work in playing with Ricky. Of course I love playing with him, and do so often, I just can't keep up with his desire to play because sometimes I have to do something else, or just want some time to relax.

I also still felt conflicted about my feelings. Maybe I just haven't warmed up to her because I haven't let myself get attached because I feel it's a betrayal to Ricky. I still sometimes can't imagine how I could love another dog like him. Whenever I pay attention to one of them, I feel guilty about the other.

Then I took her to the vet, as the shelter had provided a certificate for a free visit and I had agreed to have her seen within 7 days. The vet looked at her teeth and found that she had a ton of plaque and some teeth would have to be removed. Total cost $847!!! I just about died. I realize that these expenses are part of having a dog, and I knew that both dogs would need medical care "eventually" but was just shocked at needing it right away. So I made the appointment for her dental work.

But it made me think, I would pay any amount of money for Ricky to be well, but with her, I was kind of annoyed. Then the vet said she had luxating patella and would need surgery eventually, which I know is 
another significant expense. I realize I am one of those horrible people that would give up on a dog that needs medical care, but I guess that was one more strike against a situation that I was already unhappy with. And I will still have the dental work done regardless of what happens, I am not weaseling out of it. But it made me think that maybe I am not prepared for the cost of caring for a second dog. Who knows what other conditions she may have, and what if Ricky needs an operation someday and I can't afford it? If the shelter had told me (although maybe they didn't know) that she needed expensive dental work and had luxating patella I may not have agreed to take her. I had anticipated increased costs for food, leashes, winter clothes, etc but I guess I had not considered serious medical care like this.

In the meantime, Sugar's foster mom emailed me to ask how things were going, and I admitted to her that 
they were not really getting along but maybe they needed more time. She told me that if it really didn't 
work out, she would take her back into fostering and nobody at the shelter would judge me.

I hired a dog trainer to come over to my house and see how they interacted to see if she thought they could eventually become playmates. By the time she came over (a few days after making the appointment) they were getting along much better, with hardly any growling. But I was still concerned about the disparity in their energy levels. Amazingly, they did actually play together for a minute or two while the trainer was there - basically bouncing around, play bows, jumping back and forth on each other, rolling around next to each other, etc. She felt that they would eventually bond and certainly play together, but probably not in the way I had imagined, where she could keep up with him all the time and be a constant playmate. She also cautioned that the luxating patella looked pretty bad, and would probably need care sooner rather than later, which could also be a factor in how she could play with him.

Continued in post below...


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

Continuing from my original post...

So there's my story. I made a ton of mistakes:
-Rushing into picking a dog
-Picking a dog that I thought Ricky would like, rather than a dog I was bonding with myself
-Expecting that she would just keep him entertained and now wanting to get rid of her now that she's not 
measuring up.
-Not being prepared for the work of 2 dogs, other than talking to a bunch of people who said it wasn't 
so bad. But maybe I am just too neurotic to cope with it.
-Not being prepared for the expense of 2 dogs.

So I accept all the blame. This is just a bad situation for all concerned. I do have an out as the foster mother and shelter are willing to take her back. The thing is, my husband, who doesn't even like dogs, is already attached to Sugar. He said that if we don't end up keeping her, "we are not going through this again." He elaborated that he did not want to go through getting attached to a dog only to have it "wrenched away." And I agree that I do not want to put my husband (or myself) through this again. So maybe Sugar was not the best match - or at least the match I envisioned - but if we don't keep her, that's it. No more chance at a playmate for Ricky.

Last night (day 10 with Sugar) I called the foster mom, just said that it was not working out, and could I take her up on her offer to foster Sugar again. She was very sweet and said of course, sometimes these things just don't work out. She was not available today but said she would pick her up on Tuesday afternoon. I told her I would still pay for the dental work she needed done.

Today I had a day off work so I decided after breakfast to watch some TV. Ricky came on the couch with me, and Sugar followed. To my amazement, they both started rolling around in the throw blanket and were wrestling for a good 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it, here is what I wanted, for the two of them to play so I could just watch tv for a few minutes. So then I started having second thoughts, thinking that maybe this could work out, and feeling bad that Ricky could lose out on a playmate just because I can't cope with the stress.

And to top it all off, maybe I am warming up to Sugar. She really is very sweet, and there is certainly nothing "wrong" with her, other than she is not as energetic as I hoped. Maybe this all needs more time. 

But I don't know what to do. I can't keep putting my husband through the wringer like this. He's at work now, and as far as he knows I have firmly decided to give up Sugar. I can't tell him now that I am wavering or need more time to decide - yesterday he said he's had enough of my week of emotional turmoil and I needed to decide then, and I did.

This afternoon I got a phone call from the shelter owner saying she would pick up Sugar herself as the foster mom is unavailable. She asked if I'd actually like her to come today, so I panicked and said that we wouldn't be home much today, and tomorrow was still best. I felt like I wanted Ricky to have one more night with his playmate, and maybe give me one more day to decide.

So that's it, I don't know what to do. Here are the reasons I came up with for keeping her:

-The dogs get along well now
-They do play together sometimes
-I feel Ricky really needs a playmate, and would feel bad if I quit on this. When all is said and done, 
I really do want what's best for him.
-So many people on this board have more than one chi and seem to be doing well with it.
-My husband is already attached to her. (But please understand, the dogs are my responsibility. He 
really and truly is not a dog person and I don't want to put him in a position of having to care for her 
because of my own mistakes. Plus he works longer hours than me.)
-Feeling ashamed around others if I don't. I had already told people in our local chihuahua meetup group (where the foster mom is also a member) that I was adopting Sugar, and I don't think I could show my face around them again. So many of them have multiple dogs. One even has 6! I had also told people at Ricky's dog playgroup, where I actually took Sugar once to see how she'd do. (She walked around sniffing but did not do much playing, which I think is understandable for a first time.) The staff at the playgroup facility seemed to sense my misgivings about the whole thing, based on my noncommittal answers to how things were going, and kept trying to encourage me by saying how "great" she was doing and that it would all work out eventually.
-Feeling like a quitter

Reasons to not keep her:
-Additional expense, and perhaps I will resent her for the costs?
-Additional work
-I had wildly unrealistic expectations of how much they would play together, and sometimes instead of them playing, they are both looking to me for attention, so I have twice the dogs whining at me
-The fact that I am neurotic and can't handle stress.
-Maybe it's not fair to Sugar for her to be in a home where I might not warm up to her because I can't 

open my heart to another dog other than my "perfect" Ricky. (Yes I know he's not perfect.)
-Maybe in a year or two Ricky will be more calm as he gets older and won't have such a need for a playmate?




So it all comes down to the fact that I did not get a second dog because I wanted her. As in, it's not a case of "I love chis so much I wanted two." It's a case of me wanting a second dog to play with Ricky. And I guess that was a bad reason to get a dog. I don't know if I should give this more time, knowing that Ricky will not get another chance at a playmate, or proceed with the rehoming. Maybe Sugar wasn't the best choice but now she's the *only* choice (as I agreed to my husband that I would not do this again with another dog). Maybe they will eventually settle into a groove where they really really bond and do keep each other company, even if it's not active play?

When the trainer was here I asked her, "Do you think Ricky would suffer for not having a playmate?" She said, "Well I certainly wouldn't say he would 'suffer' for it. I'm sure he would enjoy a playmate very much. But he could certainly live a happy life without one, as long as he gets sufficient exercise and socialization."

One last thing, let me just mention that I do take Ricky for walks, once each day. I realize that's probably not enough, and whatever happens I will be putting in the effort to go on more and longer walks.


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## susan davis (Mar 25, 2011)

I wonder if you have given this enough time. 10 days is not alot. It seems to me they are slowly getting to know each other. I think maybe a month is more time. At the same time, if you just don't want the work and expense of this dog, then go ahead and rehome her.


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## Alula (Feb 3, 2013)

Welcome to the forum firstly! 

I agree with Susan. 10 days is not long enough to see how she really settles in, there are plenty of things you can try in the mean time.

In all honesty I think it sounds as though they get on pretty well. From what I understand being a single Chi family hoping to get another Chi soon-ish how you introduce the new Chi into the family is really important, for some that means keeping them separated as there is so much friction, so it sounds as if your two are off to a good start. 

Do they like toys? Can you play with toys with them together to eventually encourage them to play with toys together with out you? One of the most coveted toys in our household is a little plastic cat ball with a bell in it, my pup can't really get a hold of it so he chases it for ages trying to get hold of it - something that really grabs their attention  You said that Ricky would benefit from a playmate and whilst maybe she doesn't meet his energy levels wouldn't some playtime and company be better than none? 

As for the expense, I completely get that, I have never adopted but had imagined that if there was a large, immediate cost the shelter would have warned you. Do you have pet insurance? As that can help with those unexpected costs that crop up, although I know that some do not pay out for lifelong conditions like LP. 

As you know Chi's have this way of worming into your heart very quickly, maybe with more time and less pressure on yourself and your expectations of her, he will be snug in there with Ricky?


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## intent2smile (Dec 4, 2011)

I think 10 days is a very short time for the settling in period of a dog. At the same time though if you are going to resent Sugar for the added expenses of medical care then that is not fair to her. Things happen with dogs and there is always going to be medical costs even if it is just yearly exams. Many chihuahuas have LP and bad teeth is common in small breeds. 

I think in the end only you and your husband can decide whether to keep her or not but I also think you should consider what is best for Sugar. Ricky will be fine with or without a playmate. Our Jaxx is the only dog in our family and he is perfectly happy. We plan on getting him a playmate when I find the pup I want but we have been looking for close to a year and I have not found that pup yet. It sounds like what Ricky needs most of all is more exercise. If he has as much energy as it sounds then he needs an outlet for that energy. Some dogs are super hyper and other dogs are more laid back. We have a very hyper chi but we walk him for 2 hours everyday and his energy level is totally under control but if he does not get that 2 hour walk then he is bouncing off the walls.

I would sit down tonight and talk to your husband and figure out what is best for everyone involved.


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## Huly (Mar 5, 2012)

As the Director of Adoptions for a Basset Hound Rescue we always say give it 2-3 weeks to fully settle a new addition. 

The beginning can be rough as one dog is trying to adjust to his or her surroundings and a new brother or sister. The other is trying to establish rules and guidelines with the new addition. So of course things are touchy. 

As you see Sugar's personality come out more i think you will be just as attached to her as you are to Ricky. It will amaze you how they can steal your heart with out even noticing. Example in what you just wrote- "Last night (day 10 with Sugar) I called the foster mom, just said that it was not working out, and could I take her up on her offer to foster Sugar again. She was very sweet and said of course, sometimes these things just don't work out. She was not available today but said she would pick her up on Tuesday afternoon. I told her I would still pay for the dental work she needed done." The money is not even an issue anymore as you are still willing to pay for something on a pup you are not planning to keep.  

Both in my hounds and chis they love each other, play with each other, and fight like brothers and sisters. LOL They will get annoyed with each other but also can not stand being apart from each other. 

You are the only one that can make this decision but I think you need more time but stop worrying about everything just relax and enjoy!


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## WinniesMum (Jan 20, 2013)

I agree with the above, I think you all need more time to adjust.


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

I would like to say you are very brave for posting all of that. I hope writing it down has been cathartic for you. 

I can only echo everybody else, please give it more time - a month or more. Talk to your husband - maybe show him this post. The fosterer will understand you wanting more time. 

My chi, Honey, is an only chi. She is super high energy, always wanting to play. I have to exercise her for 2-3 hours a day so I can have some me time! Watching TV, cooking etc is always interrupted by her wanting to play if I don't. 

She loves to play with her doggie friends and is totally worn out when we have play dates. I have been considering a second dog for some time, and recently have had the chance to get another chi. I didn't however, because I'm pregnant, and don't think it's good timing. 

I hope you reach a decision you are all comfortable and happy with xx




Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## I<3Charlie-chi (Feb 25, 2011)

I tried to send you a message but it said your box was full. 
I also think you were very brave to post all that, I hope you find a solution, I don't know what the answer is but I don't think there is a right thing to do, it just depends on what you think is best.
I wish you all the best and I hope you can sort things out one way or another.
Mel x


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

Hmm, tricky one. I also had a perfect dog, my heart dog, Bambi. We got her a playmate, Harley, and they were best friends from the moment they met, which is why we took him. I wasn't particularly drawn to his appearance (he isn't a colour/type I would have chosen) but we learnt to love him for who he is. I would be lying if I said we didn't love Bambi more, she was a special dog, but we love Harley very much now.
When Bambi died we got two adult girls to keep Harley company, as he was pining so much.
They are far from perfect lol and came with a ton of issues. It has been 5 months now, and it is only recently that Mouse has started really playing with Harley. (Delilah started playing sooner.)
Dogs are like people, sometimes there is an instant connection, like Bambi and Harley. Sometimes it takes a while for them to warm up to each other, and sometimes they may never really get along. Generally though, these things take time. Your new dog needs to settle in, she has been through a lot of changes. When she feels secure, you will see her true personality and how she interacts with Ricky. Then you will be able to love her for herself, her unique Sugar-ness. You need more than 10 days to get to know her.


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## lulu'smom (Jan 4, 2012)

Let me say, like the others, thank you for your complete honesty in your post. I certainly hope that something someone shares helps you make the decision that works for your family. For myself, I also agree it is too soon to know for sure whether it is going to work or not. I read a lot of feeling like "now or never, do or die" in your post. Although it seems like you have an excellent perspective on your situation, you are so emotional over settling it NOW I'm afraid you may make the wrong choice simply out of a time pressure you have put on yourself. When we got Gidget it took Lulu at least a month before she was completely comfortable with her and their level of play and method of play is still different to this day, but I can tell you they love each other and notice when the other is not around. We got Gidget when our Lacy died, and I can tell you Lulu grieved over Lacy not being here anymore (of course, she didn't know she died she just knew all of a sudden she was gone). I totally relate to your feelings of betraying Ricky by getting Sugar. I have thought of getting another chi from time to time, but feel like Lulu would be hurt to share me, but I have the benefit of Gidget living in the same house with Lulu but she is actually my parents' dog, so Lulu doesn't have to "share" me. Lulu gets to have a friend while keeping Mom all to herself. As far as the medical expense, you are already prepared to pay for the teeth. I don't know how bad the LP is, but you could always ask your vet if you could give her good supplements, and start saving money toward possible surgery so the expense isn't so much at once. Good luck with your decision, but it sounds to me like you need a little more time before you give her up.


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## Bandit (Jan 4, 2012)

This is a decision that only you and your husband can make, but consider that you took time to write a very detailed account of what is going on and did it in a location that you are most likely to get people to tell you to give it time. Ask yourself why. Ask yourself what advice you are hoping to get.

Answer those questions and you will likely get your answer.


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## BellsMommy22 (Dec 23, 2012)

I agree with what everyone else said, I think she needs more time. Bell was my first Chi and when we decided to get our second chi things were kind of rough at first. The girls would argue over who got to sit in my lap (they wouldn't share), they would bicker over toys,and just in general didnt see to enjoy one another's company. It worried me because Like you one of the major reasons we decided to get a second dog was Sotho Bell would have a companion to play with and keep her company when we were not at home. However by the end of the first month the bickering slowly started to fade away, they had started to play more and more together, they even tolerated sleeping on my lap together. Now a few months have gone brand they have grown inseparable. So I would say there still is hope for your two dogs,just give it some more time,


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## catz4m8z (Aug 28, 2008)

I hope you decided to give it more time as it sounds like they were getting on great after only 10 days!
I think alot of people experience 'buyers remorse' when getting a new dog and it can be hugely exacerbated if you have the kind of personality that worries about everything. I am a born worrier too and with every dog I got after my first I had weeks of wondering if I had done the right thing and if they would ever get along.
Playing after 10 days is really good and they probably would of gotten more energetic and playful as they got more comfortable with each other. Alot of people get another Chi as a playmate for original dog and they usually fall in love with that one too, wether it takes hours or months! (my longest period of doubt out of my 4 was with Heidi who I didnt click with for about 6 months. She fought with my eldest dog for about the first 9mths and generally everybody thought she was weird and annoying, I thought about returning her to the breeder often at the start...now though she is my babygirl and her 'annoying' behaviours are just cute little quirks that make her special!).


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## Jayda (Jun 15, 2012)

I just wanted to mention I adopted two adult dogs about 6 months apart from the same breeder. The pups had lived together prior to me. They got along very well from the start (since they knew each other) but they continued to blossom as individuals and a pair for months after coming to me. It takes some time, especially with two pups who never knew each other. They are best buddies now and I love them both equally but in different ways. I did think I would lose some love for Lady when Prince came. That is not the case at all, their personalities are so cute and so different I love each for who they are.


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

I may be new here, and I hope you still have her, and I can't tell you what to do, only tell you what I have always done. that was the issue that I faced after Paris, our almost 4yr poodle lost her brother who was 13 back in janurary. in our home, the way I do things, is I only choose the size of dog. Paris was then aloud to choose which ever dog SHE wanted to bring home to be her new buddy. I do it this way because, yes, I will grow to love the dog, but Paris will be the one who will play/ spend the most time with her. did I get more than I expected when Princess became a member of the family? I sure did! am I sorry that I have her? no way! it is not uncommon for a new dog that is older than your current dog to become "the dog in charge", especially if the current dog is a puppy. all the work that I have done with princess, including some health issues, has only made us closer.


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

*Need to decide fast*

First, thank you all for the kind replies. It is more kindness than I deserve.

On Monday evening I called the shelter and asked if I could keep Sugar until she had the dental work done, rather than just me paying for it, as long as she already had the appointment. They said okay, and someone would contact me about picking her up on Thursday (today) or Friday. Then she told me that the original foster mom would not be taking Sugar, as she is now fostering 2 additional dogs, so they got someone else. So now I feel terrible that she is being shuffled to yet another home, all because of me.

I see everyone's point about waiting to give it more time, but unfortunately that isn't an option. I told my husband on Tuesday that I was wavering in my decision, and he sighed and said he wished I would make up my mind. So we discussed the pros and cons some more, and he said he really thinks I can handle the two dogs. By last night (Wednesday) I still hadn't decided. However, my husband pointed out that I can't keep going back to the shelter and saying, "I'm going to keep her, wait I've changed my mind, I don't want her, wait I've changed my mind again..." He said if I do call the shelter back and say I will keep her, that's it, no more changing my mind.

So I can't really just give it more time. I have to decide now, if I'm going to rehome her, or if I'm going to keep her, and if I keep her there's no going back. I now wish I hadn't called the shelter to rehome her just yet, and rather took more time to really decide, but I can't keep changing my mind.

Late last night I got a text from the new foster mom who will be picking her up, asking what is a good time Thursday or Friday. I texted her back and asked if I could call her Thursday morning and she said she would be unavailable then, but she was still awake if I wanted to call her then.

The moment of truth. So I went outside for a walk, even though it was cold. I actually called my mom, who did not know about the new dog yet, and told her the situation. Understand that she is biased as she does not like dogs at all. She basically said, "Dogs don't need playmates! Do you know how many people have only one dog? Most of them, I bet! I don't even know anyone who has two dogs." She strongly encouraged me to rehome her. I said that lots of people have 2 dogs and handle it fine. And she said, "That's fine for other people. This anxiety is a thing you've always had, and I don't think you're the type of person to handle more than 1 dog. What if you keep her and then regret it in a month? Do you want to walk around anxious all the time, taking xanax every day?" She thoroughly disagreed with the idea that 2 dogs might not be a ton of extra work because they can keep each other busy.

I tried calling the foster mom but by this time maybe it was too late as there was no answer, so I will call today.

So I came home from the walk and told my husband I was proceeding with the rehoming. And he was not happy. He said he was certain I would regret this at some point, that I didn't give it more time. I asked him if he would hate me for this and he said, "Well hate is a strong word...but I'm not happy." And he barely said a word to me after that, and no kiss goodnight. This morning, he spent a lot of time taking video and photos of Sugar, and cuddling with her. Again, barely a word to me, and no kiss goodbye.

So this is it. I still have to call the new foster mom back and arrange a pickup time. I just feel sick. I don't know what to do. Either way I may regret it. If only I hadn't called the shelter on Sunday, then maybe I could have taken more time, but I have to make a permanent decision now, this morning. I don' tknow what to do.


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

The other issue is of course the difference in their energy levels. I have a week off from work this week, and as I'm typing this, Sugar is on my lap asleep. Ricky was hanging around, whimpering and whining because he wants to play, but now I can't. If it weren't for Sugar I could get up and take him for a walk or out into the yard, but I can't get up with a dog in my lap. This is a big reason that I wonder if keeping her would work, as he has a much higher exercise need, which I won't be able to meet if I'm also trying to meet Sugar's napping/cuddling needs.


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

Sugar may just be napping due to stress, she may be much more energetic when she is settled.
How did you feel after your mum said to give her up? Relieved, or angry/defensive? I think how you feel will give you your answer.


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## Judenmink (May 1, 2013)

Whoa.... steady up!
.dont be so hard on yourself. You are not a horrible person. You are just over thinking and over worrying
You are obviously a caring dog owner and will be a great Mum to either 1 or 2 Chis. Relax, and its no big deal if you decide to send the new one back to the foster home. Ricky sounds as if he has a great life and he does need to learn to amuse himself sometimes. You are doing fine.

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## Huly (Mar 5, 2012)

I still say call the shelter or foster mom and explain to them your dilemia and that you want to give it more time to see how everything works out.


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## lulu'smom (Jan 4, 2012)

I do really feel your anxiety in what you write, but unless I'm just reading it wrong it seems like it comes from the pressures of the feeling of having to make decisions you can't ever "undo." I completely understand that everyone is different and I totally respect that. Let me say for me personally--I just don't see this as "you must make up your mind NOW situation." I think your anxiety comes from the "what ifs" of the future. I will be the first to call my mom for advice, but mom doesn't live with you and may very well be causing you to miss out on a potentially wonderful experience because of her own bias (your words). It sounds like your husband is all but begging to keep her, but saying we can't go back and forth with the shelter we must make up our mind. Well, again this is my opinion, but frankly I don't see where it matters to the shelter if it is taking you some time. It is NOT the end of the world! Explain you situation to the shelter once and for all and ask the shelter if once you figure out for sure that you don't want to keep her you can foster her until they find her a forever home. That way the shelter is not having to worry about finding her a foster home they are just having to find her another forever home.


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

Thank you again for the replies. Yes, I realize the shelter would be willing to give me more time, but unfortunately my husband isn't. The problem is that I've been a wreck ever since she came to live with us, and he was sick of my going around crying all the time and going on and on about how I don't know what to do. Sunday was when the trainer came over, and he said to me, "After you talk to her, that's it. Decide. I'm not going through this anymore." So that was when I called the foster mom and told her I couldn't keep her.

I guess I got his hopes up when I mentioned the next day that I was wavering in my decision (although he did sigh and say "I just wish you'd make up your damn mind."). And then he started talking about how if I go back to the shelter and say I do want to keep her, then that is my decision for good, no changing my mind and saying that I want to give her back again. I realize he can't put a gun to my head and force me to stop changing my mind back and forth, but I really think this whole thing is putting him through a lot of emotional turmoil and he can't handle all this "not knowing." If he is upset now, I can't imagine how he'd be if I talked him into giving me another month with her, and then still decide to rehome her. When he said I would regret giving her up, I said, "And what if I keep her and in a month I regret that? When there's no going back?" I sort of hoped at that point he'd say we could still give her up, but he just shrugged.

I guess this is my fault because I should have acted cool and nonchalant about this from the start, instead of immediately worrying about every little thing and wondering if I'd made the right decision. Then I could have quietly thought about it to myself for a month and really take time to see if this is right for me. But now that I've already been acting so anxious and upset, it put my husband in a position to demand immediate decisions, and I just wish I could see the future to know which is right.

This morning I called my sister, who had a chihuahua many years ago, which had started me on my love for chis. I talked to her a bit about the situation, and asked if she had ever felt like her dog had needed a playmate. She said, "Not really. She was really more of a 'queen bee' and I don't think she would have liked having another dog around. She mainly slept when we weren't home anyway." But she said that it really sounded like Ricky would be okay either way, and that while he was more hyper than her dog, she didn't think he would have an unhappy life without a playmate.

She asked me if I really liked the new dog and what was holding me back from keeping her. In response to the second question, I said I was concerned about the energy difference, and the fact that it might be more work than I expected, having to manage Ricky's need for play along with Sugar's need for cuddling. My sister asked if I had gotten the dog because I really wanted a second chi or because I wanted a playmate for Ricky. I admitted it was because I wanted a playmate for Ricky.

In response to her first question (whether I really liked Sugar) I said the new dog was fine "on paper." Very sweet personality, wags her tail when she sees us, has never growled at us (just at Ricky occasionally). I just personally did not feel "attached" to her. I admitted that if I had not already had Ricky, and had been using Petfinder to pick a first dog for myself, she is not what I would have picked. My sister pointed out that it would probably not be good to put myself in a position to "force" myself to love her if I wasn't feeling it, and that she deserved to be in a home where she could be loved and doted upon. She said that if Sugar was really such a sweet dog, she would not have trouble finding another home.

I felt like my sister was being a lot more nice about this than my mother had been in my converstation with her. My sister said that it sounded like I hadn't really gotten this dog for the right reason, and that maybe I was really a "one-dog person." (Actually, the trainer I spoke with on Sunday used those exact words.) She agreed that it was a painful situation for all but that maybe, as long as I had to make a choice now, it was better to cut ties sooner rather than later. She said that it sounded like I was happier just being with Ricky, and doting on him, and only having to worry about his needs. I think maybe she's right.

I'm just so upset about my relationship with my husband. The other day when we were going over the pros and cons, I started to say, "I feel like I should keep her because..." and he interrupted me. "That's the wrong reason. If you're only keeping her because you feel like you should, then don't." I started to say, "But everybody knows about her. The vet, the playgroup, the chihuahua meetup group. So many people there have multiple chihuahuas, and I feel like I should be able to..." And he interrupted me and said, "Keep her if you want to. Don't worry about what other people think. F--- 'em."

Which is all well and good. He says don't worry about what other people think. But then he's very clearly letting me know what *he* thinks. My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years, and dating for 4 years before that. He knew before we were married that I had a lot of issues - OCD, anxiety a lot of the time, and possibly asperger's. He has put up with a lot from me over the years, and I feel like he doesn't deserve a wacko like me. We have generally had a good relationship in the past, other than occasional problems caused by my inability to handle stress, and the fact that I cry over every little thing. What if this is the last straw and he decides he doesn't want to put up with me anymore?

Sorry to turn this into a marriage advice thread. I would give anything now to go back in time and stop myself from ever getting this dog. But I know that even if I give her up, it's not the same as going back and acting like it never happened. Because it did happen. And now I'm $1000 poorer (adoption fee & vet bills), my husband is unhappy and hates me, I've embarrased myself in front of the local dog owner community, caused hassle for the foster mom and the shelter, and caused poor Sugar to get transferred to yet another home. I feel like I should keep her (there's that word *should* again) just to save everyone some pain.


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

LooseyLucy said:


> Thank you again for the replies. Yes, I realize the shelter would be willing to give me more time, but unfortunately my husband isn't. The problem is that I've been a wreck ever since she came to live with us, and he was sick of my going around crying all the time and going on and on about how I don't know what to do. Sunday was when the trainer came over, and he said to me, "After you talk to her, that's it. Decide. I'm not going through this anymore." So that was when I called the foster mom and told her I couldn't keep her.
> 
> I guess I got his hopes up when I mentioned the next day that I was wavering in my decision (although he did sigh and say "I just wish you'd make up your damn mind."). And then he started talking about how if I go back to the shelter and say I do want to keep her, then that is my decision for good, no changing my mind and saying that I want to give her back again. I realize he can't put a gun to my head and force me to stop changing my mind back and forth, but I really think this whole thing is putting him through a lot of emotional turmoil and he can't handle all this "not knowing." If he is upset now, I can't imagine how he'd be if I talked him into giving me another month with her, and then still decide to rehome her. When he said I would regret giving her up, I said, "And what if I keep her and in a month I regret that? When there's no going back?" I sort of hoped at that point he'd say we could still give her up, but he just shrugged.
> 
> ...


From someone else who suffers from severe anxiety and depression, I need to say that you can't do what you think will make everyone else happy. You are trying to figure out what will work best for you, and your husband is not helping. And trust me, I know how that goes too. If he really truly wants to keep her, then he would be offering to help you adjust to having her, not leaving everything up to you. If he is leaving the decision soley up to you, then he needs to leave it that way, and not play you into a guilt trip. Life is too short to play mind games like that. I can understand your feelings, and understand why you are so unsure. But do not keep her just because you're inconveniencing the shelter or the foster, but don't give her back just because your husband is pressuring you to make such a life-changing decision. If you honestly feel like things are going well, but you need more time, then call the shelter and explain your thoughts and tell them that everyone is adjusting more and you really would like to try keeping her a while longer. If you just don't think you can handle a second dog and you honestly feel in your heart that you aren't warming up to her, then go ahead and have the foster pick her up. This in no way means you are a bad person. You need to do what's right for you, and not let your husband make you feel bad about it.


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## Tessa'smom (Mar 25, 2013)

I have no real advice. I just wanted to lend my support. I want you to know that in no way are you a bad person! This is clearly weighing heavy on you. I will be checking back to see what you decision you make. Just know that we are not judging you...just supporting you!!!


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

I haven't read the responses, so here goes my take ....

We have just one dog.  Why? To be honest, it is just easier. He is small, I can take him everywhere. For example, a neighbor asked us to go out on their boat. We popped a lifejacket on Brody and he came with us. Could I do that with 2? Maybe. But one small dog is so simple.

If I want to go on a walk, one dog is easy. No leash tangling. No picking up after 2. 

Feeding is easy with just one dog. I don't have to buy in bulk. I feed raw, so I can spend $$ on his variety and not worry about cost. He is so cheap to feed. Two would be inexpensive as well probably, but he has one drawer in the freezer and all his stuff fits in there. I don't need tons of freezer or cupboard space for just him.

Grooming supplies, toys, vet visits, pet sitting (which isn't really an issue since he goes everywhere with us), but those costs are low. If he has a problem, I know I can pay for it. I don't have to scrimp. He had an eye problem when he was about a year old. He is blind in one eye genetically. Getting him diagnosed and then the treatment was over $1000. I didn't worry about it because its just him. I'm not taking care of multiple dogs.

Just simple housework.... if I do his laundry, it's one bed. He doesn't shed, so there's nothing to worry about there. Picking up after him in the yard - takes 5 minutes or less. It's just easy.

So I guess for us it just comes down to living a simple, easy life. One dog is perfect for us. He can socialize with our neighbors friendly dogs. We don't feel like he 'lacks' friends or anything because he has dogs to play with if we feel like getting together with others. If we decide to go on a trip over the weekend, we take him. He's super easy. 

There's also the bonding issue... he is super bonded to us. He is always sitting on a lap, or ready to play ball. There are people who have multiple dogs because its easier for them. They don't have to entertain them as much. The dogs have built in playmates. But we had periods in our lives where we had 2 dogs. The dogs loved each other and bonded to each other. If they wanted to play, they played with each other. Sure, they still liked us.  But we took sort of a back seat. I like the devotion of having just one dog. He is ours and we are his. 

I don't know if that helps at all. These are just my thoughts and opinions. Everyone has their own opinions and ideas. What works for me may not work for others. This is just my own personal experiences. I have had 2 dogs in the past. Now we just have one. I MUCH MUCH prefer just having one dog. It is what works for us.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

so what was the decision?? I know im coming in really late. I also suffer from anxiety and hope that you forgive me for saying it sounds like your mom may have contributed to why you do to. I don't think you gave it enough time for either you or current dog. I felt the same way when we first got Mia, I thought I could never love another like I love her, at my husband and daughters urging we got 2 brothers, it was an adjustment, and I though things would never work out nor did I feel the same towards them the way I feel about Mia. but I can happily report 9 months later, I love them ALL, they all have different personalities, and love something different about each of them. And yes they all get along, the play, sleep, eat and are always together. Dogs don't need playmates but it does make it a little more fun for them and us!


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

Well, I sat down and read it all...and my opinion is that keeping a dog that's not truly 
wanted is not fair to the dog. On top of that, this is greatly aggravating your
anxiety and stress, therefore taking away from your health. So to me it seems
both you & the dog lose in this situation. And I think it would be best to give
the dog back to the shelter, salvage things with your husband, and move on.
Will it be easy? No, it will be very uncomfortable for you...but in the long run
it's the right decision, in my opinion only of course. We all make mistakes, forgive 
yourself, and take pride in being true to yourself and doing right by that dog.
Sugar deserves to be wanted, she's not wanted by you. And you have enough
to deal with on your daily plate without adding extra weight on your burdened
shoulders. It's best you realize you made a mistake now...10 days into it,
instead of a year from now once Sugar is bonded to your family.


I've been struggling with severe depression since I was 13 years old. And like
you have OCD. To me personally dogs add security and comfort, and HELP my
conditions. I feel better with them around, I function better, I am overall a
better more productive, positive person, because of them, and in return I do
my all for them, and I do it with great pleasure. THIS is not your case, in your
case the extra dog only brought on more issues, both physical and mental, so
this is not healthy for anyone involved, I think.


At the end of the day of course, I'm only commenting on what I've read by
you. I do not know you and can not make this decision for you. Only you can,
so whatever you choose I hope it brings you peace. Hugs.


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## miuccias (Aug 22, 2012)

I think you shouldn't keep Sugar, please I am not trying to be mean but you clearly don't want her. You got her to be Rich's playmate and now you want to keep her because of what everyone would think about you, that's not fair to Sugar.
She deserves better and she will be better on a home where she is wanted.


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## Cailloubaby (May 15, 2013)

I too have issues with anxiety and I know first hand that animals can tell when I'm feeling anxious. From what I've read it seems like any time you're feeling confident with your decision the dogs seem to do better with each other. Ricky and Sugar seem to be getting along very well for the time that they've been together. Your husband seems to already be attached to Sugar, and so does Ricky. They are both going to mourn her absence, and I'm sure that you'll realize just how much you really did like her. Sugar is not Ricky, Sugar is Sugar, and how she's behaving now may change once she gets a little more comfortable in your home. She would probably enjoy going on walks with you and Ricky, have you tried taking her with you? 


I know that you may not want to keep her, but could you maybe foster her until she does find a home?


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

Thank you again for all the comments. I guess one of the big stressors is that my husband was pressuring me to make a decision ASAP and then getting angry when I said, "Well if I have to make an unchangeable decision right now, my decision is to rehome her." He kept telling me that he really thought I would regret this, but I said I also didn't want to regret keeping her.

So I called the shelter back, this time speaking to the owner, rather than the foster mom, and explaining a bit about the situation. She said that she wouldn't want us to keep Sugar if it wasn't working but that they could give us more time if we wanted. She said they don't have any kind of time limit on changing minds, so we could keep her for a few more weeks or a month if that would help us decide.

I wasn't sure if my husband would go for it because he kept wanting me to decide right away, but I told him that this was the shelter owner's idea and that I was willing to try and give it a fair shot for a few more weeks if he would support whichever decision I make at the end. So he said he would, and suggested that we re-evaluate around the 4th of July.

To be honest, I'm still feeling like this whole situation isn't right for me, but I want to try it out more, mainly for my husband's sake. I am going to put my mind to treating her like she really is my permanent dog and give her a chance. I suppose I will feel a little less embarrassed after all this if I rehome her after 6 weeks as opposed to just 2, and hubby will know I tried. And if I do decide to rehome her, maybe the original foster mom would be available then.

So I feel a lot more relieved now, but I will still have a big decision to make in a month.


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

A month will definitely give you more time to "know" how you feel instead of trying to guess how you will feel in the future. Don't stress about how you think you're going to feel. Right now, you need to go ahead with your day to day life, and act as though she is a permanent part of your family. This is the only way you'll be able to have real, honest and true, feelings about the situation in a month.


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

I am guessing that your husband is pressuring you becuase he is getting attached to Sugar and probably figures it was best to have done with it the sooner the better. 

I hope that you will not be anxious the whole month about the upcoming decision, because there is no point in that. I say this because I am no stranger to anxiety and doing things based on other people. 

Its very nice of the shelter to give you this time and to give the situation more of a chance. 

Try not to think of it as a stressor but as something to make you feel better and focus on other than anxieties. I know my girl has helped me a lot in this area. Its not extremely complicated, but somehow when you have anxiety issues something like this seems like an entire mountain.

And remember, you can always come here for any shoulders you need to lean on, and believe me, we have many!!

Good luck and we would love pictures!!


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## Becku (Aug 2, 2012)

I would also like to add that I would LOVE to see pictures of the two! Put some faces to names hehehe :3


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

Becku said:


> I would also like to add that I would LOVE to see pictures of the two! Put some faces to names hehehe :3


I would like to but I think I'd rather stay more anonymous. Although two people in this thread called me "brave" for posting my story, I feel kind of chicken for seeking anonymous help through a message board. If I posted pictures of the dogs, I'd be afraid of someone I know in real life coming across them. My family knows most of the story, and some acquaintances know that we have been considering rehoming Sugar, but that's it. I feel ashamed about this whole thing and would feel bad if more people knew what was going on.

And I keep saying thank you, but I want to say it again. Thank you everyone for the support. When I made the original post, I was expecting a lot of harsh comments about how I should have thought about all this before adopting her, or about how I was selfish to adopt Sugar for the wrong reasons, or that I am selfish to rehome her, etc. I personally still feel those things are true, but I guess it's nice to not have a bunch of people telling me what I already know. 

On the Facebook group for our local chihuahua meetup group, I finally posted a picture of Sugar and the news that we had adopted her. The foster mom had already posted 2 weeks ago that she had been adopted, so I figured I'd better say something. To explain the delay, I just made a comment about how things had gotten off to a rocky start and I had hesitated posting anything about it. I also figured that if we do end up rehoming her, then maybe it won't be such a shock to everyone. But the replies I got made me think that they would not be as nice about the situation as you guys. Nothing major, just the tone of a few people who replied about my "rocky start" comment. So I guess I'm not so brave that I would talk about this problem to the other chihuahua owners I know in person.

I had a week off from work this week, which I planned a few months ago to celebrate the end of a major project the previous week. I decided to put Ricky in daycare for the afternoon so I could spend some one-on-one time with Sugar. I'm trying to give her a chance, but now I have the luxating patella thing in the back of my mind. This morning she and Ricky were wrestling a bit and running around, and I started wondering if all this would aggravate the LP? Because Ricky is so hyper that he's always going to want to play with her, and I'm starting to worry about the possibility of paying for LP surgery. I took her for a short walk and found myself treating her like a china doll - not wanting to walk too far, avoiding any inclines, etc for fear of aggravating it. Is running around and wrestling with Ricky going to aggravate it? The only way he would stop trying to wrestle her is if I were to keep them permanently separated. So that could be a deal-breaker right there. I just found myself hoping & praying that her leg at least holds out for this month during our "trial" period, as I've already spent $800 on her dental issues.

Sorry for blathering on again. If I was ever given the opportunity to go back in time and change something I've done (and there are many to choose from) this would be the one thing I'd pick, because then I wouldn't have the issue of my husband getting so attached.


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

Honestly, the exercise of playing might do her leg some good. Don't let her jump from high points (like beds), but a proper diet, exercise, and maybe a supplement could actually help to where she may not need surgery for quite a long time. If her lp is mild enough, those things may prevent her from needing the surgery at all if properly managed.


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

I have a 3 1/2 pound, 4 yr old toy poodle. there is NEVER a guarantee as to weather a toy or small breed dog will not have to deal with luxating patellas. it can be genitic or from an injury. our girls knees started going bad when she turned 1 due to genetics. there was never a sign of any problems until then. she is now 4 and has just recently gotten worse. there are 4 grades. grade 1 means nothing needs to be done. most grade 2's also don't need anything more than mabe a joint supplement. some knees never change the grade they are at, and never need to be fixed. my girl has 2 grade 3 knees. she WILL be having the operation as soon as I can get the $1500 together to do both at the same time. my girl goes non stop. our vet, even at this point, has told us not to restrict her activity. she is just starting to have a very TINY bit of pain, and that is after I groom her. she gets pain meds for that. she runs and plays non-stop with our other dog. if you treat her like something is wrong, she will take advantage of it and act like their is a problem even if their is not a problem. my girl dosnt get treated any different than our other dog.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

Good decision!! Stay focused on the positives for the next month and the the situation between both dogs make the decision for itself!


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## Bandit (Jan 4, 2012)

At one point you said that you could not give Ricky the play and exercise time and give Sugar cuddles. I want to recommend that if Sugar is sleeping on your lap and you are ready to walk or play with Ricky, wake her up and involve her in the walk and play time. I imagine you will find that she is happy just being with you. And her energy may well come up if you get her moving more. 

Just because she does not instigate play time, does not mean that she will not enjoy it. And you may find it less stressful to set the pace yourself. Dogs are very forgiving and understanding. Meet their basic needs and be with them and they are usually happy.


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

our one dog will sleep on my lap all day. I just get up, grap a toy, and start a game. within a couple of minutes, she joins right in.


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## Alula (Feb 3, 2013)

Bandit said:


> Just because she does not instigate play time, does not mean that she will not enjoy it. And you may find it less stressful to set the pace yourself. Dogs are very forgiving and understanding. Meet their basic needs and be with them and they are usually happy.


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This is a really good point. My pup is crazy high energy but sometime my and my OH have chill out days and watch movies all day. It is amaxing how Basil relaxes with us, on a normal day there is no way he would sit still for so long. The dogs really look to you to set the pace and adapt amazingly, it could be a good thing to try  ♡


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## Timmysmom (Jan 30, 2010)

Welcome to this fabulous form.

From everything I have read from you...you are great to give her some more time...and are absolutely
a wonderful person for the things you have done with Sugar, like the dental work...not a lot of people would do that...but as I read your words, I see no connection that you have with Sugar.

Please, do not take this in a bad way, but
I see you more concerned what other people are
going to think. That should not be an important factor.

They are not the ones who will have to get leashes
entwined, pay for more food, and pay for vet bills.

Leave them aside, they should not be your guiding force
on Sugar's future.

When you bring a new dog home it should be a very happy
day. Sure there are some changes you have to make,
but it should be a great and happy day for all.

I do not get that from your posts. I think Sugar has complicated
your life in many ways. And that will happen, especially when you are
used to having your life run in one way, changes are very challenging
And extremely stressful.

Please do what you think is best for Sugar.
She needs a home where she will be loved.


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## LooseyLucy (Jun 3, 2013)

Thanks again everyone.

Does anyone have any suggestions for helping with my anxiety? I have an appointment with my psychologist but it's not until Thursday. I spoke to her on the phone and she is going to ask my medical doctor to prescribe me some Lexapro, so I have to call my doctor tomorrow or Tuesday to ask about that. In the meantime, I don't know what to do.

On Friday I talked with my husband and told him that while I am giving it a shot for a month, as we agreed, I make no guarantees that my feelings will change and that I didn't want him to get his hopes up. I said I hoped he would not get mad and want to end things with me after all I've put him through. (The reason I asked is because I had posted my questions about this situation on a Q&A board, not dog-focused, and got a lot of nasty comments - one of them said that my husband was a saint for putting up with me and that if I got rid of a dog he loved after getting his hopes up for a month, he would want to divorce me). So he assured me that he would not leave me over this. He said that as long as I kept up my end of the bargain, keeping Sugar for a month, he would keep up his end, which was to respect my decision.

Now I'm wishing I had already gone ahead with the rehoming. I'm just a bundle of anxiety. Not only from the added work of a second dog, but just wishing things were back the way they were, getting worried that my husband is getting overly attached, and worried that I will have to pay for LP surgery. I'm already counting down the days until the month is over - I can't break my agreement with my husband.

Like I said, I hope to get a prescription for Lexapro soon, and will see my psychologist on Thursday, but I don't know what to do until then. Does anyone have any techniques for overcoming anxiety, or anything over-the-counter that I could take? I've been taking Xanax, but one pill makes me sleepy and half a pill doesn't seem to do much.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

Take a deep breath lexapro is good take it at bedtime first couple days it will knock you out. Don't worry about other people stay off the other board just check in here we are here for you. As for the dog relax don't rush things. Can I ask what is the problem if only your husband has a strong bond with sugar? Then you both have a dog, and the dogs will have comfort with each other. I know this is easier said than done I also have anxiety, the best thing to help right know is switching gears .... go for walk, clean, read, play a game ( I'm addicted to candy crush) this will help the mind stay off the dogs for a while. Everything will work out


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

Just hopping on quick while making breakfast, but the Lexapro will help your anxiety. I've been on lexapro for years and it really helps you sort out your mind and organize your thoughts, if that makes sense.


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

I also have sever anxiety and depression. I have had it at one time or another, been on many of the meds. I didn't like lexapro because it didn't work well for me. because I have both anxiety and depression, I found trazodone and serouel works the best for me. as far as the luxating patellas, is she showing pain? did the vet say what grade LP she has? I ask because, being a groomer, I see MANY come to be groomed who have never needed the operation, but some do. if it was me, in your situation, if the vet sayed it is a grade 3 or 4 LP, than I probably wouldn't keep the dog, only because of our money problems. if it was grade 1 or 2, I would keep it especially if it is a older dog (can't remember you you gave us her age). good luck.


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

Also try Rescue Remedy and Lavender oil. Put the oil in burners, or have lavender candles, it is a really good way to manage anxiety naturally, and will keep the dogs calm too.
If you really wan't to rehome Sugar now, you can. Your husband will understand, especially if having her is making you ill.


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

I found best way for me was mind over matter..this is easier said than done. I took no meds and basically muddled through one day at a time. I retrained my brain in a sense and it was not easy at all... but it can be done. It is hard to go from negative thinking to positive and it takes a lot of time. It is sort of like beating and addiction.

I think you are doing great keeping your end of the bargain. I know part of you wants to stop it all but that is your anxiety speaking to you trying to convince you that you cannot do it. The interent is a wonderful place but unfortunately, hidden behind a screen, many people are judgmental and will insult you without a second thought. This does not mean you have to pay attention to it. You are letting it consume you. (not YOU literally, your anxiety)

Your husband is indeed a saint but not only because he "puts up with this" but because he loves you and that is what people who love each other do..they have patience and understanding. I am sure you will be able to keep your end of the bargain, its almost been a week into the month already. Time flies. It is absolutely wonderful that you can speak to your husband and let him know how you feel and he does the same. Many girls cannot say the same thing!

As far as your anxiety about this, think about it that you are fostering Sugar for a month by giving her a home. Its not a lie. You may and you may not change your mind but you have cleared the air on that, its not like you are going to say "Surprise! I cannot keep her".

Its unfortunate that we people with anxieties cannot enjoy the simplest things. That is how we are wired, what to do?

Hang in there and do not listen to busybodies who will make you feel negative. As a matter of fact, do not ask busybodies these type of questions because they want you to feel as miserable as they are.


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

I think your health and sense of well being is most important. People don't ask to be plagued with mental illness. You can't beat yourself up. Most importantly is peace within your mind and home. It's good that you are able to see and admit these things. If re homing Sugar helps your sanity, then that's what you need to do. For yourself, the pup and your hubby. I wouldn't take on anything extra until your anxiety is well under control. Hopefully the meds help you. I have a friend that takes zanax for anxiety. It's a drug that once your system is used to it, the sedative effect goes away. Seek out help until you find an answer that brings you peace. Anxiety can really take it's toll. My friend battles it severely. It may require a combo of meds, a psychologist, and self help methods. Best wishes to you, hubby and Sugar. xxx


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## Timmysmom (Jan 30, 2010)

I really did not want to go into this thread again, but here I am .

This forum is NOT for what medications you should take. That is between you 
and your doctor.

This forum is what is best for your chi, from learning what is the best food
to feed them, to knowing everything that you can learn to have your little
one happy

If you need medication, to have Sugar, please give her back to a 
foster mom.

This should be a very happy time.
But you want meds.

When Timmy came into my life, he brought tears of happiness, not
tears of sadness.

Give Sugar up, you are not the right match.

Regina


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

Yes we are here for the dogs but also to support each other in whatever we may be going through that's just being a good person!


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

Timmysmom said:


> I really did not want to go into this thread again, but here I am .
> 
> This forum is NOT for what medications you should take. That is between you
> and your doctor.
> ...


This forum has always been a close community where anyone can ask help for anything. Yes, the main subject is chi's, but we're all friends here, and we're all here for one another. If you don't want to come back to this thread, then don't. The original poster is looking for advice, and is doing what anyone else would do right now, and reaching out to help overcome her anxiety she is experiencing with a new dog. It's not your place to tell her how she needs to feel. You've given your advice already, but now you're just being rude.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

Thank you I wanted to say it that way but haven't been here very long and didn't want to start trouble.


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