# I Am Carlos



## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

Thanks for the comments on Carlos's story.
I"m removing it from the forum, but I hope to put
it into a different format and redistribute it.

I've left the first and final chapters of part one.



Chapter Ten: (On the closing of Part one)
http://www.chihuahua-people.com/showthread.php?p=520483#post520483

A Short Video Of Carlos:
http://www.chihuahua-people.com/showthread.php?p=511421#post511421



I mentioned Carlos here before. He passed in Feb of 2009.
What I didn't mention is, apparently, he developed quite the knack
for typing ! He left beyond a rather large document of his life !
Below is chapter one.

I AM CARLOS
Chapter 1.​
I am Carlos. Carlos Tonto Diablo.
My real parents gave me that name when I came to live with them.
I was one and a half years old.

Before that, some people tried to own me. All I remember is they
called me Butch ( AS IF ) and yelled at me because I chewed things
( Hello...it's D-O-G here !).

So they took me and threw me in some bad place and drove away.
I think they were not raised well as pups, I don't know.

The place they took me smelled funny. There were lots of dogs, always barking. 
Endless barking. The floor was hard. I was inside, but there was a fence around me. 
Dogs came and went, I don't know where they went. I was scared, but I didn't let anyone know.

I was there 5 days when my new parents walked in. They walked up
and down the rows of barking, jumping dogs. I liked them. They were
gentle and quieter than the people that usually came in, and they
didn't have screaming midgets with them ( midgets make me very nervous).

I was sure Dad would like me. Amidst the barking, jumping, and howling, I was on my best behavior. 
I stood silently, looking up, waiting for him to notice me. HE DID ! 
Our eyes met. He didn't look away. Mom walked up and said 'Oh he's a cute little boy'.
Dad put his hand down, and I licked it. I didn't bark. Not once !

Next thing I know, my cage opened, someone put a rope around my neck, and I was outside, 
walking with Mom and Dad. I walked slowly and quietly so I wouldn't wear them out. 
We stopped by a bench. They talked, and I listened. Another dog came near us. 
I did not want him to ruin this for me, so....I lifted my leg and urinated on him ! 

Mom shouted 'Oh my god'! and Dad simply laughed. 
He laughed for a long time as Mom pulled tissue out of her purse to clean the other dog. 
I liked the sound of dad's laugh.

They put me back in the cage, and dad said "I'm going home to think about this - I've never owned a dog before". 
What's to think about ? People can be odd, I've found.

Two days later, Dad was back. He was smiling and came straight to me and said 
"Would you like to go home"? I didn't want to go home. They named me Butch, and were poorly raised people. 
Later I found out he meant HIS home.

Some person came up to dad and said. 'He's lucky - this is day seven, we can only hold them for seven days' 
Dad looked at him and said " I know ". I don't know what that meant, but Dad looked very funny at that moment. 
Like he was choking on a rawhide bone.

Dad put the rope around my neck, and walked me outside. We got into a little truck. It was WONDERFUL. 
I stood on the seat and looked around as the truck zoomed away. Dad rolled down the window and the wind rushed by me. 
There were so many scents, so many sounds. I LOVED IT ! ( I loved riding in cars, LOVED it for my whole life).

We stopped and got out, and dad took me inside a strange building. The floor was soft like a pillow. 
There were two cats laying on a big pillow, but they were sleeping. I ignored them (of course). 
Dad took my to another door that led outside, and said 'This is your NEW home'. It was a small yard with a wood fence
and a tiny dog house. I walked under a little tree and laid down. It was hot, but it felt good to lay in the dirt. 
I slept for hours.

I woke up, and Dad came outside with Mom. They stood over me asking how I was, how I liked it here. I told them it was ok.
I ate, I slept, the night came, and I actually slept outside all night. The moon was overhead, the night was cool and quiet.
I liked it. Dad snuck around the house and spied on me sleeping under the moonlight. I knew he was there, but
I didn't want to ruin it for him, so I layed and pretended I was sleeping. He laughed and I sighed.

I slept there for two or three nights. Mom and Dad would say 'Sleep well, we'd love to bring you inside, but...."
the rest I didn't understand.

One day, I heard Dad talking to Mom ( I have really keen hearing ). 
He was saying 'C'mon, lets just let him come inside for a little bit. It's really hot outside'.
I went inside. Guess what ? I never slept outside again ! NEVER. Day after day went by, and I never slept outside. 

I know I have wolf in me, Dad told me this, but, to be honest, I didn't care about that. 
I knew it was cool and quiet inside, and everything was soft.
And that's where Mom And Dad spent their time. AND there was an endless supply of FOOD ! 
Everywhere I turned I smelled food.

It was 1992 (Dad told me), and I was HOME ! 
Of course, there was still the matter of the two cats.....

Carlos Tonto Diablo, a very good dog. circa 2006


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh Alan, this has me crying. Both happy tears and sad tears. The bittersweet joys of sharing our lives with dogs. What a special boy Carlos must have been. Have you heard of a book called, "Merle's Door"?


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

avbjessup said:


> Have you heard of a book called, "Merle's Door"?



My favorite book of all time. I tortured my wife because I'd cried like a baby
several times as I read it. 

I mentioned it in the books thread, but noone seems to go there much.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

jazzman said:


> My favorite book of all time. I tortured my wife because I'd cried like a baby
> several times as I read it.
> 
> I mentioned it in the books thread, but noone seems to go there much.


I've never looked in the books thread either! It is a great book - I live in Wyoming so it is even more resonant with me than it might otherwise be.


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## Mom of 4 Chi's (Apr 3, 2009)

Very sweet story. 
Carlos was a beautiful boy, and I can hardly wait for chapter 2!


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

What a sad and beautiful story. RIP Carlos


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## KayC (May 3, 2005)

Oh what a grat boy Carlos was. Yes please, chapter two.


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## Rochelle (Nov 20, 2008)

What a wonderful story, and a wonderful boy!
I really need another chapter.


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## Lin (Jun 7, 2006)

OMG... how beautiful! I love rescue dogs... I can't imagine not rescuing every chance I get.  Yes, chapter 2 indeed!


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

That story made me cry. You should be an author. I felt like I knew Carlos and now that I know the ending.... I'm going to cry even harder when he passes. What a wonderful dog he was. Thank you so much for sharing him with us.

Brodysmom


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Okay, you're not writing books why? I'm in a hotel room in Toronto with my glass of wine and a sleeping Mom, and I'm loving your chapters. Wish you had more for me to read...

Totally made me cry out of happiness and of what's to come...


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## WeLoveHiro (Apr 14, 2009)

now im crying like a baby. jazzman you are one standup guy. im so glad you and your wife adopted carlos. r.i.p


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

No! Don't leave us hanging!! Why didn't dad come home??? More!!


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

WOW I love this. I saw can see all the scenes you describe in my head. 
Beautiful writing.  

But what happen next why didn't dad come home.


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## guest185 (Oct 27, 2008)

.....................


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I need to know the rest of the story, why didn't dad come home?


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Alan! Where is Chap. 3?


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh Alan! What a beautiful story. It's making me think of Jackie so much. She looked like a black Carlos. I don't know what she was either because she came from the shelter in Laramie in 1988. We guessed border collie and heeler mix. She was just a pup - 5 weeks old. She had one blue eye and one brown eye and the most beautiful black shiny coat. She loved hiking in the mountains with me and camping out and playing frisbee. Oh, I'm really missing her right now!!! Thank you for writing such a lovely tribute to Carlos - I can't wait to read more!!


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

This story is beautiful, I feel like I know Carlos, what a wonderful boy.


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Oh, great chapter. You really do have a talent. Writing something that everybody wants more of is pretty cool. I would have loved to have met Carlos. I'm also so glad you survived your health ordeal and hearing it from his perspective is awesome!!! Come on, Chapter four please!!! Maybe you should get this published???


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Thank you Alan!! I love Carlos!


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## WeLoveHiro (Apr 14, 2009)

carlos' story has touched me so much...if im not smiling or laughing while reading this... im crying...pls publish this. it is one of the most honest beautiful things i have ever read.


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## Mom of 4 Chi's (Apr 3, 2009)

Absolutely FABULOUS!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your love of Carlos with us. It is so touching. I can actually see the story playing out in my head like a movie. 
If you are not an author, you should be, and "I am Carlos" should be your first book! A tribute to Carlos and shelter dogs everywhere .
I finished chapters 1-4 and I'm waiting anxiously for the 5th.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

This story is wonderful, I just love reading it. I can't wait for more.


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I really love this story Alan, I can't wait to find out about Poco. Just reading this I can picture Carlos with you and your lovely wife. You are both wonderful people. Sounds like you've been through some really hard times but you've always had Carlos there by your side. 

I can't wait to read more, and see more pictures please.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

I'm loving this story!! Keep the chapters coming!


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ihitmyhead/3630755242/

The only video I have of Carlos, at the dog park in the fall of 2008, 
some 6 months prior to his passing.

Bare in mind he's 18+ years old, deaf, blind, arthritic, and most of all MAGNIFICENT !

Every walk he took in later life consisted of ever widening circles.
He'd frequently begin to gallop, if you can believe it.

I'm so lucky to have found you, dear Carlos...

R.I.P.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Gosh, I wish I had some digital media of Jackie. She died in 2000 before I even had a digital camera. I'll have to scan a paper photo and post it. I'm sure you would agree she is the Yin to his Yang. Black, female but so "Carlos"! He truly is magnificent.


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

I wish I'd invested in a video camera years ago.
This one was just done on a cheap Canon digital camera, that happens
to take short videos.

I'd love to sit and watch videos of Carlos and Poco just being themselves.

I think I'm going to find an inexpensive digital video camera soon, and start
filming the gang.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

jazzman said:


> I wish I'd invested in a video camera years ago.
> This one was just done on a cheap Canon digital camera, that happens
> to take short videos.
> 
> ...


You know, I don't have a video camera either. I think that's an excellent idea! I haven't gotten one before because I didn't think I had anything to film. But you are right - I would love to be able to go back and watch Jackie just being herself. Hmmm, maybe I can make it a Father's Day gift for hubby!


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

What a beautiful little video. Carlos is wonderful Alan he really is.


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

I hang on to every word of this story. You are an amazing person Alan and I feel lucky to know you and lucky to hear this "real" story of your baby. I feel like I am living every moment with you and through you. Thank you for taking the time to let us in and share how special he was. I would pay good money for this book...

I'm ready for more please.

I'll bet your wife is really special also, isn't she???


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Carlos is a very good writer! And yes Carlos, forgetting what you came into the center of the room for happens to humans too. It happens to me all the time.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Oh god I just love this story Alan. Hearing how you carried him outside, that's so touching. I sing to Cookie too. He loves songs and wags his tail like crazy when I sing lol. I sang to the cat once when he was sitting on my lap and he attacked me and clamped his arms and mouth around my arm and scratched me!!!!! I didn't think my singing was that bad lol. So I can see what Carlos means about cats. 

Just thinking of the day you saw him there in that cage, how lucky you both were to have found eachother and shared so many wonderful years together.


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Oh dear sweet Carlos. I love hearing about his life through his eyes. The part about you carrying him around the yard is my favorite. I just talked to all my babies and told them how much I love them. Thank you Carlos.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

More Carlos!


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh, I love this chapter! Thank you! I do hope you consider publishing this story.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I've only got one thing to say ant that's MORE!!!


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Okay, this is what I'm getting from this "mini-novel". Please correct me if I'm wrong. You and your lovely wife have been through a lot. You have an appreciation for each other and the solitude and happiness of your home. You respect and enjoy the "simple" pleasures in life. You don't have a strong need for material things (I don't know why but I just feel like you don't). You are a wonderfully happy couple that sees happiness in each and every day and with your pets. You treasure what you have and don't think about what you don't have. 

Wonderful chapter Alan. Keep going. You perfectly create what I believe is exactly how Carlos felt.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I must admit I've developed a little bit of a crush on Alan lol. He's just so nice in every single way. Do you have a single brother lol


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Where's the next chapter, it's been days lol. I need my Carlos fix


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

I have a crush on Carlos!! I love Carlos.


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Do you have any pics of Poco? I'd love to see him.


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## BellaLina's Mom (Mar 16, 2007)

Kudos to you for adopting Carlos. You gave him a loving forever home, and he got to know human love and kindness for the rest of his life. Rest in peace, sweet Carlos.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Thank you for posting Chapter 8. I had to search for the post and was so happy to read a new Chapter! I love your writing, and I've learned to love Carlos though your wirting...or his writing...


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

oooh... can't wait for more!!


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## KayC (May 3, 2005)

I am just getting caught up, what a wonderful story. I just love it and can't wait for more. What a great life Carlos had. I just love him. I do agree that you should have it published. Thanks for sharing this is just great. Kay & Zoey


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Every chapter I get more and more enthralled with Carlos point of view and his view of the world. Dogs are simple creatures aren't they? They don't get caught up in any of the things that we do. They just want to be loved and for us to be happy. Great writing Alan!!! Really special book this has become.


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## Mom of 4 Chi's (Apr 3, 2009)

I'm hooked! Can't wait for chapter 10!!


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

*Mom of 4 Chi's* said:


> I'm hooked! Can't wait for chapter 10!!


I know, me too! Poor Alan, we're probably gonna give him writer's block!!


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## Mom of 4 Chi's (Apr 3, 2009)

avbjessup said:


> I know, me too! Poor Alan, we're probably gonna give him writer's block!!


Oh no! Lol.
We wouldn't want to do that. Okay Alan the pressures off, but we still can't wait!! Lol.


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

I Am Carlos
Chapter 10.​
I Am Carlos.
Today is December 21st, 2008. 
I have completed the first part of the story of my life, and I am pleased.
I am very tired, but I am pleased. I am so very pleased.

I know it’s Decemeber 21st because Dad reminded me that Christmas is coming,
and that today is the anniversary of the day he came home after being in the hospital
so many years ago. 

Four days before Christmas. I remember that as if it were yesterday.
Today, Dad took me on his lap and told me how grateful he was that he was able
to come home to Mom and me, all those years ago. 

He told me how thankful he was that I was there when he came home. 
He told me his life was beautiful and happy and that I had played a big part in that. 
I knew what he meant, and I felt good inside as he talked to me about this.

He cried and held me against his chest and stroked my head and neck.
We sat on the couch and enjoyed the day. For a long time I stayed there with him, 
because I knew he needed me there. 

I’m ashamed to say I did got grouchy and bit his hand as he was petting me.
Sometimes it hurts when someone touches me in certain places.
I’m pretty old. I’m losing weight and my bones poke my skin.
Sometimes I hear Mom and Dad whispering about how thin I’m getting. 
I think they just worry about me, as they always have. 

Dad understood why I bit him. Dad always understands me. 
I was getting tired, so he carried me to my bed and laid me down. 
He scratched my head, between my eyes, which never hurts, and he told me 
he loved me and left me alone to sleep.

I felt bad for snapping at him, but I really am not feeling good today.
Sometimes I feel like…..I don’t know how to say it…like I’m invisible.

Sometimes it feels like I put my foot down on the floor in front of me,
and my foot just keeps on going into the floor. Sometimes I’m not sure how I get 
where I’m going, I just find myself in the kitchen, or the hallway. 

One night recently, as I was sleeping in my bed, I saw my friend Poco.
He was hoping up and down, and spinning wildly in circles, just as he'd done
a thousand times when we were both young. 

He was begging me to chase him. He kept barking ‘Come on Carlos, 
it’s so much fun here….please come and play“. Part of me wanted to get up. 
I felt like I did get up, but I…it’s hard to explain. 
I didn’t get up. I felt too heavy to move.

I guess I was dreaming. Well, I know I was, because Poco left us over a year ago now.
My dreams are getting very strange. I ‘ve been sleeping a lot these days. 
When I wake it takes all my effort to stand and get moving. 
It’s very cold, colder than it's ever been, and it makes it hard to bend my legs. 

Tonight Mom made me some chicken and rice, and it was so good. It was so warm inside me. 
She feeds it into my mouth with her hand so I don’t have to bend my neck down. 

Every day, since my heart started to attack me, my Mom has made me special food,
and fed me with her hand, so I’m comfortable, and so I’m sure to eat it all, because to be 
honest I can get distracted pretty easily. 

I love my Mom. She’s always been there when I needed her, and I am happy that 
I could be there for her so many times through out our lives. 
It is a much for her as for my Dad that I feel I must finish telling my story, 
so they both can remember all the wonderful days and nights.

So they can know that I loved them and cared about them as much as they loved 
and cared about me.

I will return to telling my story, tomorrow. 
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever finish telling it. It can be difficult trying to remember. 
It can be sad and joyful at the same time, which sounds strange, but it is true.

It’s much easier to forget than to remember. It is much easier to sit than to move.

I Am Carlos, and I have always believed it's better to move than to sit.


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## KayC (May 3, 2005)

Awwwwwww Carlos


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Cookie is getting very slow lately too, it's sad for me to watch him like that. He looks at the water on the floor and barks to let me know when he's thirsty and I bring the bowl to his mouth for him to drink. He snaps sometimes but he's old now so I don't mind. 

It's been upsetting me a lot over the past few days, I notice how slow and old he actually is compared to Lola. I love my old boy so much. The way you both looked after Carlos is so wonderful.


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Oh Alan, my mascara is running and I'm at work!


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

avbjessup said:


> Oh Alan, my mascara is running and I'm at work!


I know....except for the mascara part....I can't read it either.

Marie,
It's really difficult at first to bring a puppy along with an older dog.
It does really make you notice the aging, where you might not have before.
It will pass. I"m sure Cookie will enjoy having a mate, and Lola will
keep Cookie young and on her toes !

Mateo would goose Carlos several times a day - just walk up and stick
his nose in his bottom He never understood why Carlos wouldn't play with
him - but he was blind and deaf. Still - it got him up on his feet.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

jazzman said:


> I know....except for the mascara part....I can't read it either.
> 
> Marie,
> It's really difficult at first to bring a puppy along with an older dog.
> ...


Thanks Alan you always make me feel better. I'm sure I'll stop noticing the difference soon. It just makes me so sad seeing him so old. He's such a good little boy, I love him so much. I'm 30 now and I've had him since I was 17! We've been through everything together. I keep picking him up and just cuddling him and telling him he's my number 1 and I love him.


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

removed --


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## avbjessup (Apr 20, 2009)

Ah - a great day to visit the forum!!! I was afraid I had missed the rest of the story. Thanks Carlos!!


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## Mom of 4 Chi's (Apr 3, 2009)

I am so thrilled to see another chapter Alan. This really was a pleasant surprise tonight to get on chi-ppl and find part two. Thank you.
I'm eagerly awaiting more!


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## barefoot (Sep 24, 2008)

Wonderful story. Carlos is such a good writer. Please more, more


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## Terri (Aug 21, 2009)

I am hooked!!
More please Alan!
I have cried and laughed and felt every emotion reading this.
Thankyou!! and thankyou sweet Carlos!!


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## Aquarius (May 8, 2009)

Such wonderful stories of Carlos - he was well loved.


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## claireeee (Aug 24, 2009)

Alan I loved reading that - I cried both happy and sad tears. it was brilliant.
Carlos was lovely x x x x


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## Kay (Oct 14, 2009)

I can't wait to keep reading. You have such a talent for writing...


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## L2druid (Dec 28, 2009)

Beautiful story...Please keep writing and sharing these wonderful memories with us.


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## amyhedd (Aug 6, 2009)

Oh my gosh i dont think ive ever cried so much !! This was so lovely to read, very talented, he was a very lucky boy to have found such a caring family, he sounds like such a sweet dog he was a credit to you xxx RIP Carlos


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