# At my witts end today!



## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

SO, as some of you know I was really keen to rescue a Choc Tan Chi a little while back. Now I had gone down to see her and lets her meet my Chi and all that Jazz and asked my partner to go fill out the tender form while I put Fiddle back in the car.

After the day she was due to be relesed I didnt get a call, so I rang the pound and they informed me she had gone to someone else.

At this point I had not thought anything of it.

But I have now found out (with help from SugarBaby) that the dog went to a rescue. (Dogs go to rescues at no cost, when the dog has no takers) We were both a little stunned by this but I have finally discovered why!

My partner intentionally did not fill out the form.


Because he doesn't want me to have another dog.


But he was too much of a wuss to tell me. He only admitted it last night when I told him I was trying to hunt down which rescue the dog went to and that there were two new Chi's at the Pound.


Now IDK what to do. Defy him and get the dog? Or not?

Opinions?


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## MChis (Oct 13, 2009)

OMG how horrible! I'd be so upset if I was you. I can understand him not wanting another dog but to not tell you & let you get your hopes up about this pup (and go see it no less) is terrible!  I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

I'm 100% for every family member needing to be on board with a new addition before adding because if not it could cause resentment & such. A new addition effects the entire familiy. But in this situation I'd be more inclined to go & get the pup! Maybe that's the evil woman part of me I dunno. :evil:


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through. 

I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

MChis said:


> OMG how horrible! I'd be so upset if I was you. I can understand him not wanting another dog but to not tell you & let you get your hopes up about this pup (and go see it no less) is terrible!  I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.
> 
> I'm 100% for every family member needing to be on board with a new addition before adding because if not it could cause resentment & such. A new addition effects the entire familiy. But in this situation I'd be more inclined to go & get the pup! Maybe that's the evil woman part of me I dunno. :evil:





Brodysmom said:


> I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through.
> 
> I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.


He always says things along the lines of "you are impossible to say not to! and when you do, you continue to 'sell' the idea to me so I just say yes"

I worked in sales and I have a way with words, I can't help that 

I guess he was too afraid to say no to me! When it comes to reasoning I am very good. 

and here are my reasons:

I currently work about 6 minutes away from my home, I go see Fiddle every day at lunch and occasionally go to the gym in the afternoon, which I feel bad for because I know she is there waiting for me.

Well all this crap went down at work, they made a full time position for me, but still had to advertise externally because its Governemnt and there are rules.

So the F wits gave MY job to someone else.

So now, as of Friday I will be job less, and there is not alot of work around where I live, and that will mean travel time, and MORE time that Fiddle is all alone by herself.

I figured if I got her a new friend she might not notice as much.


His reasoning:

(every weekend I go to his house, and take Fiddle with me. She stays inside like normal and does go play with his dogs but we have to watch because she will surely escape one day)

And I guess he doesnt want me to bring over another dog?

But they are small and they dont take up much space for christ sake!

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

He is on my nerves atm.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Aw that stinks I'd be really pissed I would find out all the reasons why he doesn't want you to have another pup I know you mentioned you being fiddle to his place on weekends maybe it has to do with bringing 2 now? What about his mom maybe she has an influence? I remember you saying you had problems with her and fiddle being fed bad stuff before. I guess you just have to get to the bottom of it and find out if another one is going to risk your relationship. Sorry that happened I would be so upset.


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

Chihuahuasloveme said:


> Aw that stinks I'd be really pissed I would find out all the reasons why he doesn't want you to have another pup I know you mentioned you being fiddle to his place on weekends maybe it has to do with bringing 2 now? What about his mom maybe she has an influence? I remember you saying you had problems with her and fiddle being fed bad stuff before. I guess you just have to get to the bottom of it and find out if another one is going to risk your relationship. Sorry that happened I would be so upset.


He is one of those people who use "because" and "I dont know" as answers to questions. So its impossible!


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## MChis (Oct 13, 2009)

Hmmm, since you're not living together makes me think you need to do what you feel is right for YOU & FIDDLE since it's really just you guys. Do you & OH have any plans to move in together?

I also agree with Tracy. He NEEDS to know when to say no to you otherwise you're going to run into bigger issues down the road. I speak from experience there. :roll: My hubby used to say yes to me all the time just to basically shut me up. LOL We went through a LOT of crap & thankfully were able to work through our issues but things are a lot different now. Had we been honest with one another the 10 years before our issues...we'd have had a better relationship during that period (10 years is a LONG time!!). Not that it was horrible before BUT it is SO much better now & we hopefully won't have any more crap to go through. LOL 

Anyway, point being 1)he needs to speak up to you instead of go behind your back on things--get some balls so to speak! LOL & 2)you need to find what is most important to you. You don't want to make him unhappy by having more dogs around than he's comfortable with. BUT you have some reasonable points to wanting to add another pup. Sounds to me like you have some decisions to make & you & OH have some chatting to do...


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Oh's suck sometimes!!! My oh wanted 0 dogs now we have 3 and a 4th pending lol! I hope he changes his mind for you. Can you negotiate like put fiddle on a lead so she can't escape? Or somehow assure him that won't happen lol Ahhh I'm trying To think of ideas I'm a good arguer I can go on all day with my oh sometimes haha what about If he goes to Ur house on weekends? That's all I can think of right now lol


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

MChis said:


> Hmmm, since you're not living together makes me think you need to do what you feel is right for YOU & FIDDLE since it's really just you guys. Do you & OH have any plans to move in together?
> 
> I also agree with Tracy. He NEEDS to know when to say no to you otherwise you're going to run into bigger issues down the road. I speak from experience there. :roll: My hubby used to say yes to me all the time just to basically shut me up. LOL We went through a LOT of crap & thankfully were able to work through our issues but things are a lot different now. Had we been honest with one another the 10 years before our issues...we'd have had a better relationship during that period (10 years is a LONG time!!). Not that it was horrible before BUT it is SO much better now & we hopefully won't have any more crap to go through. LOL
> 
> Anyway, point being 1)he needs to speak up to you instead of go behind your back on things--get some balls so to speak! LOL & 2)you need to find what is most important to you. You don't want to make him unhappy by having more dogs around than he's comfortable with. BUT you have some reasonable points to wanting to add another pup. Sounds to me like you have some decisions to make & you & OH have some chatting to do...


At the moment no, we're only 20 and 21. and I earn more than him (LOL) and he is completely useless with his money.

I am so glad you worked through your issues. Even though he loves Fiddle he has the mentality that if I leave her home alone all day that "she is a dog and she will get over it" 

It certianly sounds like we do need some chatting. He is comming over tomorrow so I will disuss it then 



Chihuahuasloveme said:


> Oh's suck sometimes!!! My oh wanted 0 dogs now we have 3 and a 4th pending lol! I hope he changes his mind for you. Can you negotiate like put fiddle on a lead so she can't escape? Or somehow assure him that won't happen lol Ahhh I'm trying To think of ideas I'm a good arguer I can go on all day with my oh sometimes haha what about If he goes to Ur house on weekends? That's all I can think of right now lol


I have already asked him to come over mine more, but to be truthful, there is nothing where I live lol. Like to go out for dinner or drinks. and he lives a little closer to the City. So normally it is easier? I think if I do get another job I will just be all Fiddle focused outside of work, maybe that will bug him enough to give in?  LOL I do need to sit down and chat with him about this though.

I will keep you all posted


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## Ivy's mom (Feb 15, 2008)

Well...he has more than one dog right??? If so why does he have more. It's all about give and take.


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## MakNLFi (Jun 8, 2010)

Oh I would be LIVID!!!! I don't know your entire situation, but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would go behind my back like that and out right lie to me. I'm sorry but I was married to a very controlling and manipulative man and when I hear of things like this it really makes my blood boil! :lol: My Ex one time even turned a pet bird I had loose because he didn't like listening to it's whistles and chirps. Since you aren't married to him, I would say another Chi is your decision not his and if you are planning on marrying him, then I would definetly sit down and and talk to him about this, because having your partner go behind your back and lie to you is not something you want or need in a relationship - trust me! 

Also with that said.... since your job screwed you over like they did, I would say for financial reasons alone that now is not a good time to be adding another pet in your life. I would personally wait until I had another job before I took on more financially. Granted another Chi won't cost that much for day to day things, but what if Fiddle or the new pup became sick and needed to go to the vet? Then also depending on the new dogs needs there will probably be the cost of shots, spaying/neutering, etc...... Just something to think about.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Well since you aren't planning on moving in together then it should be your decision besides bringing a second one to his house lol somehow you have to get around that with him 2 are better than 1 if they bond well it will keep fiddle company while you're gone my oh leaves prada at home 8 hrs a day 5 days a week for work that is part of the reason why were considering a 4 th for her but 1 day we will all be together when his mom finally goes or moves out lol 

Fingers crossed for you. 2 isn't really any more expensive than 1 except medical emergencies hopefully none of those happen but I'm sure you could get some help with $ or savings if it did occur! I had 3 chis no job for 2 years until September lol I made it somehow even with ninjas vaccine emergencies.


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## Reese and Miley (Jun 24, 2010)

Ivy's mom said:


> Well...he has more than one dog right??? If so why does he have more. It's all about give and take.


That was the impression I got too! If he has more than one he certainly isnt in a position to tell you that you cant. Also, as Heather and others have said, as you dont live together anyway Id be making decisions with you and Fiddle in mind. Its nice to take his feelings into consideration, but I wouldnt prioritize them over your own. If you want another dog, and your family is happy for you to have one, then it really isnt any of his business! You dont live together and arent married, so I dont see why you have any obligation to consider his feelings about it, particularly after he did something so sneaky and hurtful. He knew you would be hurt and upset, and he did it anyway. I would be FURIOUS!!!!!! I would look at it this way, you will be more affected by not having another dog than he will be by you getting one. If you want another dog for yourself and for Fiddle, then go for it! This doesnt seem like a situation where its necessary to put his feelings ahead of yours. Sorry this happened, and sorry about your job too! That stinks!


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## Reese and Miley (Jun 24, 2010)

Seriously, I can understand him having a say if you were actively planning to live together in the future, any pets you have would become his as well. Since youre not, who cares??!!


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

Ivy's mom said:


> Well...he has more than one dog right??? If so why does he have more. It's all about give and take.


Yeah but they are 'family' dogs, as he still lives with his rents, as do I.



MakNLFi said:


> Oh I would be LIVID!!!! I don't know your entire situation, but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would go behind my back like that and out right lie to me. I'm sorry but I was married to a very controlling and manipulative man and when I hear of things like this it really makes my blood boil! :lol: My Ex one time even turned a pet bird I had loose because he didn't like listening to it's whistles and chirps. Since you aren't married to him, I would say another Chi is your decision not his and if you are planning on marrying him, then I would definetly sit down and and talk to him about this, because having your partner go behind your back and lie to you is not something you want or need in a relationship - trust me!
> 
> Also with that said.... since your job screwed you over like they did, I would say for financial reasons alone that now is not a good time to be adding another pet in your life. I would personally wait until I had another job before I took on more financially. Granted another Chi won't cost that much for day to day things, but what if Fiddle or the new pup became sick and needed to go to the vet? Then also depending on the new dogs needs there will probably be the cost of shots, spaying/neutering, etc...... Just something to think about.


Oh absolutetly with the money thing, I just, I dont want Fiddle to be alone. But I dont want to buy another Chi and that be the breaking point of me nd OH. Its sort of feels like either Fiddle or I have to be alone. It just tears my heart out. Maybe he just needs time to adjust to the idea? hmmm this will definately be the topic of the weekend 



Chihuahuasloveme said:


> Well since you aren't planning on moving in together then it should be your decision besides bringing a second one to his house lol somehow you have to get around that with him 2 are better than 1 if they bond well it will keep fiddle company while you're gone my oh leaves prada at home 8 hrs a day 5 days a week for work that is part of the reason why were considering a 4 th for her but 1 day we will all be together when his mom finally goes or moves out lol
> 
> Fingers crossed for you. 2 isn't really any more expensive than 1 except medical emergencies hopefully none of those happen but I'm sure you could get some help with $ or savings if it did occur! I had 3 chis no job for 2 years until September lol I made it somehow even with ninjas vaccine emergencies.


LOL the stubborn side of me agrees with the first part, but I do go over his house alot, and I guess I need to respect his wishes on that part, because its his house. and there is no way in hell I would just take one dog and leave one at home. you know?

Arrgh. Times like this I wish I was single and happy. No one holding me back!!



Reese and Miley said:


> That was the impression I got too! If he has more than one he certainly isnt in a position to tell you that you cant. Also, as Heather and others have said, as you dont live together anyway Id be making decisions with you and Fiddle in mind. Its nice to take his feelings into consideration, but I wouldnt prioritize them over your own. If you want another dog, and your family is happy for you to have one, then it really isnt any of his business! You dont live together and arent married, so I dont see why you have any obligation to consider his feelings about it, particularly after he did something so sneaky and hurtful. He knew you would be hurt and upset, and he did it anyway. I would be FURIOUS!!!!!! I would look at it this way, you will be more affected by not having another dog than he will be by you getting one. If you want another dog for yourself and for Fiddle, then go for it! This doesnt seem like a situation where its necessary to put his feelings ahead of yours. Sorry this happened, and sorry about your job too! That stinks!


Like I said, they are family pets. and they are very dog dogs. Outside all the time sort of thing. I think he did the sneaky thing to simply try to avoid a fight, he should know that never works because I wouldnt just give up like that. Men, honestly! Hopefully we can sit down and nut out why he says no and if its legitimate reasoning then I guess I can't just ignore it. And yes, this job situation does suck! I worked like a slave so they would keep me hey! I even dog sat, and house sat for the coordinator! and she still picked someone else! Ugh!!


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## foggy (Oct 12, 2009)

Wow that's awful. I'd be completely livid if I was you. His behavior is deceptive, controlling, and disrespectful. I wouldn't stand for that. There's no reason he can give to make that kind of behavior acceptable. I agree with Tracy/Brodysmom, I think you need to take a look at your relationship, something is not right there that he felt he could do that behind your back. And since you don't even live together, you have every right to have that pup without asking him. I don't see why you need his permission at all.


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

Not that it isn't the same thing everyone else said....but I don't know why you asked him anyway. A) You're NOT married. B) You don't even live together. And given his current immaturity level, I'd never do either with him anyway (but I digress).

You said he likes to give answers like "I don't know" and "because." (Some one REALLY needs to develop some communications skills.) Get the dog and when he asks you why you got it, say "because you don't know" and leave it there. That bugs the holy CRAP out of me when people won't communicate. If they won't communicate, then I can't see asking their opinion about anything. In a relationship (at least a good one), we don't get to talk only when we want to.

I agree that Fiddle needs a friend if you're going to be gone all day and can't pop in at lunch to visit. Chis are highly social animals and I don't think they like to be alone. Yes, they might tolerate it but life, for anyone, isn't about just tolerating things, is it? Being tolerant does not mean one is happy.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I CANNOT stand to be told what to do and I hate when people give lame *** non-answers to a question (which is what he did). At 20 or 21 (can't remember who you said is which), he's not likely to act mature for several years so good luck, girl!

GET YOU ANOTHER DOG!!!! 

Generally they're not that expensive. Surely you'll draw unemployment until you find another job. It's like kids: if you wait until you can afford them, you'll never have one. As Nike says "just do it!"

There just really isn't a legitimate reason not to get another one. They don't eat that much or take up that much space and you'd potentially be saving a life.


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

AC/DC Fan said:


> Not that it isn't the same thing everyone else said....but I don't know why you asked him anyway. A) You're NOT married. B) You don't even live together. And given his current immaturity level, I'd never do either with him anyway (but I digress).
> 
> You said he likes to give answers like "I don't know" and "because." (Some one REALLY needs to develop some communications skills.) Get the dog and when he asks you why you got it, say "because you don't know" and leave it there. That bugs the holy CRAP out of me when people won't communicate. If they won't communicate, then I can't see asking their opinion about anything. In a relationship (at least a good one), we don't get to talk only when we want to.
> 
> ...


LOL 

I really like your thinking! But unfortunately I do care about him and such a such. I know that in 'x' amount of time I will laugh that I even bothered with him but for now he is keeping me happy, minus this issue. 

If he cant give me a legitimate reason as to why not, then I will push it.

I toltally agree with the last part too


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## cprcheetah (May 4, 2009)

Wow, he REALLY needs to work on his communication skills. What would have happened if the rescue didn't pull the dog? She could have been put to sleep because he didn't bother to talk/discuss the issue with you. That is NOT OK in my book. I have issues communicating sometimes, but I would never just not talk about something like that, if I didn't want my OH to have another dog, or in his case a decked out computer. If he asked me to do something, I would do it, or talk to him and express my concerns about the issue. That was wrong the way he handled it, and I think he should know that. 

IMO, I would get the dog, and tell him he could come over to my house on the weekends if he didn't want it at his house, and he wanted to see you. You are not married, or living together, therefore yes he can offer his opinion, but not control what you do or don't do as far as the dog goes.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Honestly I would just get one he will learn to love it and in no time be attached to it too my oh wanted 0 like I said and now he's obserssed with all 3. A lady who bought Pradas sister 2+ years ago said their chi just died a few months before and her husband said 100% do not get another dog 2 days after they brouht her home she emailed me and said it was now his dog and slept in his beard at night Hahaha! You might resent him later on if he doesn't budge on
What makes you happy. Good luck on the talk! I'll be crossing my fingers for you but I think you should make your own decision!


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## FurKidMommy (Nov 13, 2010)

I agree with everyone else. If you want another and can afford another, then get one. I didn't get married until I was 29 and that was after dating my husband for 3yrs and knowing him for 4yrs. He knew up front how I was about my dogs and animals (in general). He knew that I was very active in animal rescue and I made it clear to him that if he didn't accept that, then I didn't accept him. I had made a pact to myself that I would never get involved with someone that didn't share my passion. Well, he does and we've always worked as a team. That's how we've stayed together now for 8yrs. We talk things out and we don't go behind each other's backs. I would have been furious if he'd done that to me, and he would have heard about it. LOL What can I say? I'm opinionated. LOL I just believe that there is no reason for the lack of communication and I have seen too many friends in controlling relationships. It really bothers me. Just follow your heart, but make sure to listen to your head too.


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

cprcheetah said:


> Wow, he REALLY needs to work on his communication skills. What would have happened if the rescue didn't pull the dog? She could have been put to sleep because he didn't bother to talk/discuss the issue with you. That is NOT OK in my book. I have issues communicating sometimes, but I would never just not talk about something like that, if I didn't want my OH to have another dog, or in his case a decked out computer. If he asked me to do something, I would do it, or talk to him and express my concerns about the issue. That was wrong the way he handled it, and I think he should know that.
> 
> IMO, I would get the dog, and tell him he could come over to my house on the weekends if he didn't want it at his house, and he wanted to see you. You are not married, or living together, therefore yes he can offer his opinion, but not control what you do or don't do as far as the dog goes.





Chihuahuasloveme said:


> Honestly I would just get one he will learn to love it and in no time be attached to it too my oh wanted 0 like I said and now he's obserssed with all 3. A lady who bought Pradas sister 2+ years ago said their chi just died a few months before and her husband said 100% do not get another dog 2 days after they brouht her home she emailed me and said it was now his dog and slept in his beard at night Hahaha! You might resent him later on if he doesn't budge on
> What makes you happy. Good luck on the talk! I'll be crossing my fingers for you but I think you should make your own decision!





FurKidMommy said:


> I agree with everyone else. If you want another and can afford another, then get one. I didn't get married until I was 29 and that was after dating my husband for 3yrs and knowing him for 4yrs. He knew up front how I was about my dogs and animals (in general). He knew that I was very active in animal rescue and I made it clear to him that if he didn't accept that, then I didn't accept him. I had made a pact to myself that I would never get involved with someone that didn't share my passion. Well, he does and we've always worked as a team. That's how we've stayed together now for 8yrs. We talk things out and we don't go behind each other's backs. I would have been furious if he'd done that to me, and he would have heard about it. LOL What can I say? I'm opinionated. LOL I just believe that there is no reason for the lack of communication and I have seen too many friends in controlling relationships. It really bothers me. Just follow your heart, but make sure to listen to your head too.


Naww you all sound like such strong people! I am strong up front but then, the thought of losing him makes me a big O'le chicken. I guess this has alot to do with communication between us. Maybe he had been trying to say no and me not listening. A good sit down talk should hopefully help and I will ensure I post about the result


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## Reese and Miley (Jun 24, 2010)

Still doesnt make sense to me...WHY is he able to say "no" in the first place? You shouldnt have to feel like you need to walk on eggshells in your relationship. Someone who would break up with you because you brought a second dog into your home, when you are not in the same home and dont plan to be, would also break up with you over something else just as silly. He has every right to say he doesnt want two dogs coming to visit on weekends, although since we are talking about chihuahuas that seems silly, but thats it. Since youre compromising by always traveling to his place, it seems fair that he compromise by welcoming your two small dogs. 
Its your business and your relationship, but girl dont arrange your life around someone else. Only compromise for someone who will compromise for you in return. A guy who would break up with you because you got a pet is the last person you should be letting influence your choices! If youre afraid he would end your relationship if you got a new dog, why isnt he afraid that YOU might break up with HIM for going behind your back to sabotage the adoption of that sweet little chi girl?? 
Good luck with your sit down chat, I hope you guys can work everything out and you are able to get Fiddle a friend with his blessing. I understand that it definitely would spoil the fun if you did it without his support.


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## cherper (May 8, 2009)

I don't want to come off sounding "callous" but if he is being this sneaky and dishonest already and you're not even married yet...not a good sign. There are plenty of fish in the sea girl, i'm sure you know that but a reminder may be in order.
This made me really mad!!!! 
He obviously thinks he can control you or tell you what to do. I say forget that!!!!! I wouldn't consider marrying someone like that hun.
Bottom line, if YOU are paying for it, and YOU are caring for it, then YOU should have the dog. And HE can shove it up his ***.


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## LadyJ (Aug 20, 2010)

Brodysmom said:


> I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through.
> 
> I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.


I agree 100%. You need to talk this through and decide where your relationship is and where it's going. It isn't right if you bulldoze him into agreeing with you and it isn't right for him to go behind your back. Even if he "gives in" he still feels the way he feels and you need to work out an agreement. I would not get another dog right now. I think he will really resent it in the long run.

Jeanette


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

Aust Chi Mumma said:


> LOL
> 
> I really like your thinking! But unfortunately I do care about him and such a such. I know that in 'x' amount of time I will laugh that I even bothered with him but for now he is keeping me happy, minus this issue.
> 
> ...


Keep him around--let him make you happy. That doesn't mean he has to run your life. I'm sure you're more than capable.


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

cherper said:


> I don't want to come off sounding "callous" but if he is being this sneaky and dishonest already and you're not even married yet...not a good sign. There are plenty of fish in the sea girl, i'm sure you know that but a reminder may be in order.
> This made me really mad!!!!
> He obviously thinks he can control you or tell you what to do. I say forget that!!!!! I wouldn't consider marrying someone like that hun.
> Bottom line, if YOU are paying for it, and YOU are caring for it, then YOU should have the dog. And HE can shove it up his ***.


You go, Cheryl! Preach it, sister!
As much as it PAINS me to say this, I don't think he did what he did to her without thinking that he'd get away with it and she'd "forgive" him. (Clearly he's not concerned that she's going to dump him a$$.) As Dr. Phil says (and I wholeheartedly believe this): We teach people how to treat us.

RE: "I really like your thinking! But unfortunately I do care about him and such a such. "

Not to be mean (I apologize if it's too late for that!), but what he did in no way demonstrates that he cares about you. That was an act of complete and utter selfishness (and coming from a man! Imagine that!).

RE: "Naww you all sound like such strong people! I am strong up front but then, the thought of losing him makes me a big O'le chicken. I guess this has alot to do with communication between us. Maybe he had been trying to say no and me not listening. A good sit down talk should hopefully help and I will ensure I post about the result."

Chasely, you can't put your fear of losing him ahead of your self-respect. I understand not wanting to be alone, I really do, but you can't keep someone in your life at _any _price. What he did was wrong, sneaky, manipulative, controlling, etc. If he'd do that behind your back, what else would he do? 

I guess I am a strong woman. I don't need anyone else to run my life and I certainly will NOT be told what to do. If I don't respect and stand up for myself, no one else will either. (What really concerns me when I hear about women [my stepdaughter] letting a man run their life, is that that is the perfect breeding ground for abuse at some point. I'm not saying it always happens but that is certainly the perfect environment for it.)

Anywho, sorry if I've beat a dead horse--this is a hot button issue for me. BEST of luck with your talk! I hope you get what YOU want!


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## ExoticChis (Jun 20, 2010)

Well this is a crazy situation your in Miss Chasley!
I think If you want the dog then get it.
I live with my hubby and I can tell you right now
that if I wanted another dog, I would have it. At
1st he wouldnt be impressed but after a few days 
he would love it! Even if he said no, I would still do
it and for a few reasons. I always look after my
pets, I feed them walk them groom them pay for
everything they need.
NO way would I let anyone run my life, if your BF
does not have to pay or care for your new dog then
the decision is not up to him even in the slightest bit
Its your life your money your time NOT HIS!!!


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

I hope you put him in his place today hehe! You should scare him into thinking you're going to leave if you can't have it lol! \i guess it's easy to say coming from a strong person noone has ever told me what to do not even my parents hahaha I really whole heartily hope that you reconsider and get another dog it will benefit you and fiddle greatly as you've already preached to us the pros and cons. What he did was really mean \i would NOT be talking to my OH if he did that unless he had a legitimate reason I could eventually see eye to eye with he would be in the dog house and he would be in it until he made it up to me on my terms lol (ie getting me another dog) lol


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## Pookypeds (Jun 20, 2006)

You're NOT married....you're NOT living together.....you're 20 and 21.......his communication skills suck.....his reasons for not telling you no or another opinion suck.........I could go on and on here........

so, what you want to have and buy or whatever is YOUR business to do, NOT HIS! If you want another dog.....you get another dog! He has no business in telling you what you can and can't have!

And I am 55 years old, so I kinda know what I'm talking about!


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## ExoticChis (Jun 20, 2010)

Pookypeds said:


> You're NOT married....you're NOT living together.....you're 20 and 21.......his communication skills suck.....his reasons for not telling you no or another opinion suck.........I could go on and on here........
> 
> so, what you want to have and buy or whatever is YOUR business to do, NOT HIS! If you want another dog.....you get another dog! He has no business in telling you what you can and can't have!
> 
> And I am 55 years old, so I kinda know what I'm talking about!


perfectly said!!!


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## cherper (May 8, 2009)

Pookypeds said:


> You're NOT married....you're NOT living together.....you're 20 and 21.......his communication skills suck.....his reasons for not telling you no or another opinion suck.........I could go on and on here........
> 
> so, what you want to have and buy or whatever is YOUR business to do, NOT HIS! If you want another dog.....you get another dog! He has no business in telling you what you can and can't have!
> 
> And I am 55 years old, so I kinda know what I'm talking about!


True words spoken! This is a MINOR issue, concerning a pet. I can think of other BIG issues in life that this kind of behavior could cause BIG problems. You *HAVE* to be able to TRUST eachother! That is just as important as the LOVE aspect honey!!  Please don't think we are picking on you or being mean. Some of us older and a little more experienced can see problems down the road, unless he stops the sneakiness, and plain old dishonesty !
Just want you to be happy in the long run.


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

Pookypeds said:


> You're NOT married....you're NOT living together.....you're 20 and 21.......his communication skills suck.....his reasons for not telling you no or another opinion suck.........I could go on and on here........
> 
> so, what you want to have and buy or whatever is YOUR business to do, NOT HIS! If you want another dog.....you get another dog! He has no business in telling you what you can and can't have!
> 
> And I am 55 years old, so I kinda know what I'm talking about!


And I'm 45 so there you have it! 100 years of experience right there.


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## ExoticChis (Jun 20, 2010)

AC/DC Fan said:


> And I'm 45 so there you have it! 100 years of experience right there.


lol at the 100 years of experiance


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

hahaha 100 years! that's a good one

but no honestly we are just saying these things because we care about you and fiddle <3


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## LadyJ (Aug 20, 2010)

AC/DC Fan said:


> And I'm 45 so there you have it! 100 years of experience right there.


I'll be 70 in a couple of weeks. Lots of experience here!!

Jeanette


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## FurKidMommy (Nov 13, 2010)

AC/DC Fan said:


> And I'm 45 so there you have it! 100 years of experience right there.





LadyJ said:


> I'll be 70 in a couple of weeks. Lots of experience here!!
> 
> Jeanette


Well, I'm 34, so we're adding the years of experience here. LOL:lol:


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## LadyJ (Aug 20, 2010)

I think it all comes down to how far you are willing to go for the relationship. I agree with the reasoning that you aren't marrieed or living together and what you do is none of his business. But, on the other hand, if you want to keep the relationship, you need to decide how far you will go and what you will consider acceptable behavior. Many years ago, my then husband wanted to tell me how to dress, how to wear my hair, where to go (he would check the mileage on the car), what to do. He was not physically abusive, but I realized later that he was mentally abusive and controlling. His version or love and marriage was me completely subservient to him, waiting on him, doing his will, managing everything while he sat in the living room drinking coffee. He didn't try it before we were married or I would not have married him. It obviously didn't work and I'm happily single for more than 30 years. There's a lot more to the story, but I just want to prompt you to look very hard at this guy and where you want the relationship to go. You said he makes you happy, but a Chihuahua would make you happy, too. You can be happy on your own and not depend on him or anyone else to make you happy. You're very young and you have a right to more happiness than I think this guy offers you. Go for what YOU want!

Jeanette


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

I agree with the other ladies here.  You guys are so young. You aren't married. And like I told my daughters.... You aren't in a committed, lifetime relationship yet! You don't HAVE to make it work! 

At this point, you guys should be head over heels for each other and trying to impress and make the other person over the moon HAPPY. If he felt that way about you, he'd be bending over backward to make sure you got that dog. See? Instead, he's being deceptive and sneaky and giving ridiculous "I don't know" answers. 

I feel this a prelude to the future and how he handles conflict. Deception, sneakiness, lame communication. Is that what you want to settle for? Like I said before, this issue is really not even about the dog. It's about how you two relate to each other. Think about it! 

Don't you DESERVE a wonderful man who would do anything to make you smile? Yeah, I think you do.


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

Well, I won't try to give much relationship advice. I don't really think any relationship is perfect. It's work to keep another human happy every single day of your life. I do think that him being deceptive is a big no no. I don't know the guy, so I can't really judge him. Maybe he thinks he has good reasoning for thinking you don't need another pup? Even still, it isn't his choice. I hope you do what is right for your life, whether it be another pup, a new BF, and so on. With all of that said, I would get a pup if I wanted it, married or not. I am the one home all day and takes 100% responsibility for my dogs. So I don't think I'd let someone tell me not to get another one. But I would be rational about it. If I had 5 or 6, and wanted another one, I could probably see his point. Unless of course I was running a breeding program. My kids mention occasionally that I didn't really need 4, even. And truthfully, if I had anymore, I wouldn't be able to juggle all of it. Just having 4 is a full time job. So I think it's whatever works for you. But not him, since you guys aren't even married.


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## Rico's Mom (Feb 21, 2009)

I would take his behavior as a RED FLAG!!


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

OK, it's the weekend...wonder if our girl has had her conversation yet...Can't wait to hear how it went.


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## Amandarose531 (Aug 9, 2010)

What he did was decietful and dishonest and downright sucks.

As far as i'm concerned it's your pet, your money, and your responsibility. AND FURTHERMORE - you said his DOGS as in he has more than one dog yet he wont let you get fiddle a companion? Oh no, that's hypocritical. 

That being said, if you were married, or this were concerning a child etc. he can have an opinion on something he is 50% of sure he can have an opinion, but you don't live together and you aren't legally bound, he doesn't own you dear.

I understand it's easier when you both agree, I really P.O'd my OH when I brought Gretel home but he snapped out of it.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

I brought home 2 chis without asking my parents they were PO majorly but now they couldn't see life without any of them they've even accepted our puppies when we used to breed lol. I also brought home a cat 9 Years ago lol the cat sleeps in their bed and they pay to feed her and clean the box as we have 3 total I just pay the vet bills I think he would get over it seriously my parents are super strict and I'm still alive lolol


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## tricializ (Jun 1, 2010)

I'm sorry that your partner was so deceptive with you. i agree with some of the others that it's a sign that there are some serious issues in the relationship that he could be so deceptive and that he also isn't comfortable talking to you or asserting himself. Either way it's a big red flag to me and something i would be getting to the bottom of before thinking of rescuing another chi.


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## YoQuiero (Apr 17, 2010)

Brodysmom said:


> I'd sit him down and have a long talk about what went on. There are some issues there you guys need to work through. Why didn't he fill out the form? If he didn't want another dog, he should have talked to you about it, etc. He was deceptive and that's hurtful. Why didn't he feel like he could speak up and be honest - why did he have to go behind your back? Those are some of the things you guys need to hash through.
> 
> I wouldn't even consider another dog at this stage. I'd be looking at the relationship and where its headed, etc.


My thoughts EXACTLY. I haven't read through the whole thread cuz I stopped at this, but I'm really really sorry this happened. That was rude and childish of him to do that, you know? That being said everyone has some kind of reason for the actions and I'll bet that after some real discussion this will blow over, and maybe in the future when he is more up to it you can get another pup.


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## FurKidMommy (Nov 13, 2010)

AC/DC Fan said:


> OK, it's the weekend...wonder if our girl has had her conversation yet...Can't wait to hear how it went.


I was wondering the same thing. I hope it went well!


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

OK, girl, the weekend came and went. You're not going to leave us hanging, are you? 

And don't think we'll just forget-- NEVER!!!


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## Aust Chi Mumma (Sep 15, 2010)

Ahhhh Sorry! Totally Forgot to post it here too.

Ok. So after a little discussion, and him not being able to give me a legit reason to not have another dog this is what we came up with.

he agreed that IF we get another one, it should be a registered bitch (he knows I am interested in breeding later on) and he said it would be best if we get her after our cruise in march. He wants a puppy so he can ensure I will get her house trained as well as Fiddle.

I used alot of what people said here, about not living together, not planning to in the next 6m-1y, not married. I also chucked my own zing in there, he is always talking about getting more tattoo's and I am not so keen on it but I technically have no say, so he should have no say in my dogs 

So its all good. but now I have to wait uhhh!!!! lol


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Yay!!!!!! So happy for u!!!! You go girl!


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