# Getting attached to a new puppy after the loss of a dog



## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

For those of you who have experienced getting a new dog not long after losing one, how long did it take you to bond properly?

As some of you know I lost my Coco nearly 2 months ago and we brought Lilo home a few weeks after. I feel really bad for saying that, but I'm finding it hard to get attached to her properly. I don't regret getting her at all. She has helped us so far and we love her more and more every day, but it's definitely not the same feeling as when we got Coco. From the first day we brought Coco home I felt like my heart would explode every time I looked at her. It was so exciting and we felt like she was just so perfect for us in every way. We fell in love with her. And the older she grew, the stronger that feeling got.

With Lilo it doesn't feel like that and I suppose it's normal after what happened... but I feel guilty. I enjoy her being around. She's a really sweet, friendly, cuddly, smart and funny little dog. She's been easy to train so far and has a great personality. She loves everyone, kids, every dog and is quite a chilled out non-anxious dog. I know that if I had gotten her in different circumstances, I would probably be really excited... I am glad she's here, but I don't feel a bond with her yet... so I guess I'm wondering if I'll ever feel the same way about her. 

It could just be a matter of time, but I was curious how long it took for others?


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## michele (Jan 12, 2009)

It's still early ,you're still grieving like me(god it's so hard ) but your love for her will grow as time heals,don't feel guilty just take one day at a time "HUGS"


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## Tabcat73 (May 8, 2013)

I think that subconsciously you could fear getting close again because you know the pain of such loss. I'm sure the bond will come in time and just be patient with the process. I wish you the best of luck and your puppy is lucky to have you. 

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## Chihuahuaobsession (Apr 27, 2013)

I completely understand you. (as you may know I'm a psychology student and I tend to see everything from a psychological point of view lol) Seems like your mind has built a barrier to protect yourself from feeling they way you did when you lost coco. Its a natural process called avoidance, you cant get hurt if you avoid it. The cause would mainly be that you never completely healed from the loss of Coco (the amount of time you wait has nothing to do with it, everyone needs different amount of time to heal). I would try to build closure from coco's loss, maybe writing a letter to her then burying it, relieve yourself from the guilt. Begin fresh with your new puppy and with time you and her will have a strong connection, no relationship is the same but it will be rewarding. I hope you feel better


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

michele said:


> It's still early ,you're still grieving like me(god it's so hard ) but your love for her will grow as time heals,don't feel guilty just take one day at a time "HUGS"


True, it's just been so painful. Hugs to to you too!



Tabcat73 said:


> I think that subconsciously you could fear getting close again because you know the pain of such loss. I'm sure the bond will come in time and just be patient with the process. I wish you the best of luck and your puppy is lucky to have you.





Chihuahuaobsession said:


> I completely understand you. (as you may know I'm a psychology student and I tend to see everything from a psychological point of view lol) Seems like your mind has built a barrier to protect yourself from feeling they way you did when you lost coco. Its a natural process called avoidance, you cant get hurt if you avoid it. The cause would mainly be that you never completely healed from the loss of Coco (the amount of time you wait has nothing to do with it, everyone needs different amount of time to heal). I would try to build closure from coco's loss, maybe writing a letter to her then burying it, relieve yourself from the guilt. Begin fresh with your new puppy and with time you and her will have a strong connection, no relationship is the same but it will be rewarding. I hope you feel better


I read a lot about psychology and see everything from a psychological point of view too btw. lol I think you guys are right. I just invested so much of myself emotionally with Coco that losing her destroyed me. I suffer from severe depression among other things and already did when I got Coco... So as well as adoring her as a pet and her being my whole world, she was also like a therapy dog for me. It usually takes a lot for me to get close to people so I am probably putting up a barrier. I am definitely scared of losing her too. 

I probably do need more time to get over what happened and let Lilo in. I did write a letter (well, a few). I will try your idea of burying them. Thanks.


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## KFox (Apr 17, 2013)

Well as you know I lost my Tia 2 weeks before your Coco, and got Bailey soon after. I have had some of the same feelings also I think because I'm afraid of something happening again I am so over protective that I think I'm driving my family crazy! I talk to bailey like I did Tia and she doesn't respond the same or really at all:/ but I know she is still just a baby, I think I still need time to heal and i do enjoy the personality that Bailey has and know she is not going to do the same things that Tia did but is making new memories for us... And I'm sure in time she will be listening/responding to me in that certain way.. I think that's what you need with LILO is time...I was even wondering if I'd feel better getting another dog that looked like Tia, I'm always looking and aweing over the Black and Tans now..


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## QUIGLEY'S MOM (Jan 12, 2010)

I lost Quigley and was devastated. My home was so quiet and lonely. My time had been spent taking care of his special needs. I found two days after he passed. I saw her picture on the breeders website and knew instantly she needed to live with me. While she will never take Quigley's place her being here adds life back into my home. She is such a hoot and I love her dearly already. I think we bond differently with different pups. She's so different then he was and I expect that. We have different relationships with different pets much like we have different relationships with different family members or friends. Some relationships take longer to develop. Just enjoy and don't rush things. 


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

Janurary 6, 2013 we lost our miniature poodle, Jake, at the age of 13 though we didn't get him until he was 8. he had been going down hill for the previous 6 months. in the early morning hours of Jan 6th, he started screaming and shaking whare he stood. we euthanized him that morning due to a stroke. I defiantly was not ready for a new dog, but I had no choice. his partner in crime, 3 1/2 yr old toy poodle Paris, who NEVER makes a sound, would scream every time she couldn't see me. after my husband and I talking about it, we decided she needed, and hopefully wanted a new friend. 2 days later Princess arrived at our home. It was just what Paris needed and wanted. they quickly became inseperatable. it has only been this past month, that I have really started noticing that I have a bond with her. I am glad that Princess needed a lot of work when she came to us. that has helped get my mind off of jake, and helped to build a bond with her.

R.I.P. jake 4/8/2000 - 1/6/2013


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

I had gotten Mia who is now 1 and the boys Vito and Enzo who are 10months, before I had lost my Samantha at 17, its only been 4 months since she has past ans still very hard. I find myself in a panic if one barks wrong

Its all normal after a loss, you have to let yourself love again


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

KFox said:


> Well as you know I lost my Tia 2 weeks before your Coco, and got Bailey soon after. I have had some of the same feelings also I think because I'm afraid of something happening again I am so over protective that I think I'm driving my family crazy! I talk to bailey like I did Tia and she doesn't respond the same or really at all:/ but I know she is still just a baby, I think I still need time to heal and i do enjoy the personality that Bailey has and know she is not going to do the same things that Tia did but is making new memories for us... And I'm sure in time she will be listening/responding to me in that certain way.. I think that's what you need with LILO is time...I was even wondering if I'd feel better getting another dog that looked like Tia, I'm always looking and aweing over the Black and Tans now..


Ohh I've been doing the same thing with black and tan chis! And wondering the same... I was planning to have a second chi before losing Coco so it might just happen... It may sound kinda silly since it's just a colour, but I'd love to have another dog that looks like Coco too. Everything else you've mentioned is exactly what I'm going through as well. I completely understand your fears and overprotectiveness. Lilo's personality is so different too, but you're right they are still babies. They have plenty of time to show us their unique ways of showing us affection that I'm sure will eventually become as endearing.



QUIGLEY'S MOM said:


> I lost Quigley and was devastated. My home was so quiet and lonely. My time had been spent taking care of his special needs. I found two days after he passed. I saw her picture on the breeders website and knew instantly she needed to live with me. While she will never take Quigley's place her being here adds life back into my home. She is such a hoot and I love her dearly already. I think we bond differently with different pups. She's so different then he was and I expect that. We have different relationships with different pets much like we have different relationships with different family members or friends. Some relationships take longer to develop. Just enjoy and don't rush things.


Very true, thanks. I'm glad to hear that your new puppy has helped you. Lilo has definitely brought life back into our house too!



queen princess said:


> Janurary 6, 2013 we lost our miniature poodle, Jake, at the age of 13 though we didn't get him until he was 8. he had been going down hill for the previous 6 months. in the early morning hours of Jan 6th, he started screaming and shaking whare he stood. we euthanized him that morning due to a stroke. I defiantly was not ready for a new dog, but I had no choice. his partner in crime, 3 1/2 yr old toy poodle Paris, who NEVER makes a sound, would scream every time she couldn't see me. after my husband and I talking about it, we decided she needed, and hopefully wanted a new friend. 2 days later Princess arrived at our home. It was just what Paris needed and wanted. they quickly became inseperatable. it has only been this past month, that I have really started noticing that I have a bond with her. I am glad that Princess needed a lot of work when she came to us. that has helped get my mind off of jake, and helped to build a bond with her.


I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Poor Paris must have been confused. A friend's dog who we babysit relatively often acts confused when he comes here now. He seems to be searching for Coco. It makes me feel a bit better to hear your story. My partner is warming up to Lilo faster than I am and keeps telling me "how can you NOT adore her yet?" so I felt bad, but I guess with me it's just taking longer, it doesn't mean that I don't love or appreciate her.



cpaoline said:


> I had gotten Mia who is now 1 and the boys Vito and Enzo who are 10months, before I had lost my Samantha at 17, its only been 4 months since she has past ans still very hard. I find myself in a panic if one barks wrong
> 
> Its all normal after a loss, you have to let yourself love again


Thanks, that's true. I also panic too much with Lilo and need to just calm down and just enjoy it. hehe


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## Lisa T (Sep 3, 2010)

Hi sweetie, I'm sorry your feeling sad but please be assured that all the emotions you are feeling are normal, the healing process is bound to be up and down and you are going to have bad days and good. I'm sure as time passes you will find yourself becoming more and more attached to Lilo. I don't think you got her too soon, I think she was just what you needed to distract you from the pain of losing Coco, try to imagine what your day would be like if you hadn't got Lilo, pretty quiet and even sadder I guess. Thinking of you (((((HUGS))))).


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## lancestar2 (Jan 19, 2013)

As pet owners that's the awful downside of being a dog owner... they will one day leave us...

I'm sorry your having doubt but like everyone already said it takes time. Just focus on providing a good home for your new chi and to keep her company play with her some and just be OK with enjoying her company you don't have to love her right away! In time im sure you will grow to love her as you did your former chi.

Remember you are giving a chi a good loving home all of use are doing a great thing by providing for our little babies! it's ok to still be sad or a little blue but a new chi is the best way to help pick up your spirits and to do good by providing another dog a good loving home. LOVE takes time and dedication keep keep at it eventually within 6 months I'm sure you will start to fall in love! if it takes longer or shorter so be it! Just enjoy the bonding experience and the healing process and keep us posted on all your progression through the steps of owning a little pup again!


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

I just wanted to stop by with some HUGS! And tell you to not be so hard on
yourself. The girls are right, all in good time, this is completely normal. I got
Chanel shortly after my Pom passed, of course the bond was not as strong
right away, and that was ok, Chanel kept my mind occupied and helped me
heal with puppy kisses. No one will ever replace your Coco, and you'll never
have the exact same relationship with Lilo, and that's ok, because the new
relationship/friendship/bond that you'll form with Lilo will be beautiful and
very special too, full of adventures and sweet moments. Don't be afraid 
to open up your heart to this new little fur ball, and at the same time do
not fear Coco's memories, let them come, even if they bring tears to your
eyes, let it out, she is gone, but she'll never be forgotten. There is nothing
wrong with shedding tears over the ones we lost, and there is nothing wrong
with opening our heart to new love. Let it happen, don't be afraid, you are
not alone my friend, many of us here can relate to the point of almost feeling
your pain, we are all here for you, if you want to talk, cry, reminisce, anything
at all... please know there is someone willing to listen. Ok? BIG hugs!


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## KFox (Apr 17, 2013)

LS~ you couldn't have said it better!=)


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

KFox said:


> LS~ you couldn't have said it better!=)



Same goes for you Kim, I'm here if you need me. Deal?
Hugs to you and kisses to Bailey!


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

If you suffer from severe depression then I think you are doing bloody well! Of course it's not going to feel the same as when Coco was with you, you are still grieving for her. She will always be your special little girl as much as you grow to love the other dog. Don't feel guilty about that, I love my Buttons to bits but my Rolo has that special place in my heart, he's so loving you just can't help feeling that way. He was also my first chi. I'm sure as time goes in the guilt will go. Xxx


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

~LS~ said:


> I just wanted to stop by with some HUGS! And tell you to not be so hard on
> yourself. The girls are right, all in good time, this is completely normal. I got
> Chanel shortly after my Pom passed, of course the bond was not as strong
> right away, and that was ok, Chanel kept my mind occupied and helped me
> ...


You made me cry LS!! That was beautiful. Lol


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Thank you so much, you guys are so supportive. I really appreciate it!! That message made me cry too LS!



~LS~ said:


> Chanel kept my mind occupied and helped me
> heal with puppy kisses.


I think this is part of the problem... Lilo isn't overly affectionate, at least not in the way that I'm used to.  She does like playing with us and cuddling up to us so I know that she likes us... but she's equally as happy sleeping elsewhere on the floor. She doesn't lick so no puppy kisses, she doesn't seem to enjoy being petted much, she lets us hold her in our arms but it comes with an initial protest half the time, when we leave her alone she's not really excited to see us sometimes (it has its positives... at least she doesn't suffer from separation anxiety), etc. She is affectionate to some level, but for a chihuahua she's pretty independent. 

I wonder if this can change... She has opened up slowly since bringing her home. Initially she didn't even want to play. Either way, I'm sure I'll learn to love her the way she is, but at the moment it just feels like there's something missing.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Rolo n Buttons said:


> If you suffer from severe depression then I think you are doing bloody well! Of course it's not going to feel the same as when Coco was with you, you are still grieving for her. She will always be your special little girl as much as you grow to love the other dog. Don't feel guilty about that, I love my Buttons to bits but my Rolo has that special place in my heart, he's so loving you just can't help feeling that way. He was also my first chi. I'm sure as time goes in the guilt will go. Xxx


Thanks, you're probably right. Coco was so special to us from the start, poor little Lilo came here expected to fill some big shoes. We need to give her time to get to know us and vice versa.

Completely off the subject, but I think I dreamnt about your dogs last night. I was looking after 2 super cute chihuahuas called Rolo and Buttons. I think I spend too much time on this forum. hahaha


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

The way you just described Lilo there, that's Buttons! He loves us but on his terms. Rolo will love me all day but Buttons has certain times of the day when he wants a cuddle. I wonder if he will always be like that or change as he gets older.
Fancy dreaming about my 2! Lol. I'll tell them they're famous! X


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## ashclayy (Jun 14, 2013)

I got my Harley when I turned 18. He was the mend to my heart from my bad breakup with my first love. The love I felt/ feel for Harley was so strong. He turned into my Child pretty much. Love bursting at the seams I guess. When I moved and was out on my own I made some choices that I think about every day. I decided Harley needed a friend. So I went back to the breeder I got Harley from and found out that Harley's parents had another litter. I wanted another dog for all the wrong reasons. I ended up jumping into it and bought Bentley, my other chi. I wasn't attached to him and he was so high strung and ADHD. It actually took me around 10 months until he was potty trained completely. To make matters even worse, Harley was extremely jealous and I could feel my heart breaking because of it. Instead of being aggressive, Harley shut down pretty much. He would sleep all the time and would always have a sour look on his face.

Okay whew that was depressing re-touching all of that mess again. Flash forward 2 years now...

The jealousy is gone completely. The dogs love each other and are best friends and I have a deep love for both of my dogs now. It took a good year and a half for me to drop all of my guilt and to actually learn to love and appreciate Bentley fully. He turned into a wonderful dog. He is such a wonderful listener, extremely loyal and VERY smart. 

My love for Harley will never be replaced. I love my two dogs in two very different ways. But Harley still has my heart and probably always will.


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## KFox (Apr 17, 2013)

~LS~ said:


> Same goes for you Kim, I'm here if you need me. Deal?
> Hugs to you and kisses to Bailey!


 Thank-you! I needed that!!xx


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## intent2smile (Dec 4, 2011)

coco_little_bear said:


> Thank you so much, you guys are so supportive. I really appreciate it!! That message made me cry too LS!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It can definitely change. When we first brought Jaxx home he was happy to be in his bed or in his chair and sometimes it seemed like he could have cared less if we were even around. When we would leave him and come home he would just look at you like you interrupted his sleep. 

Now he is an entirely different dog. He is happiest if he is on our laps although after we take him outside for the last time at night most of the time he goes to bed and you won't see him again until morning but during the day he is happiest when he is with us. He has gotten to the point though that if we leave after he has gone to bed he will get up when we come back give us kisses and then head back to bed. If we leave him during the day when we open the door he is on the back of the recliner that is right beside the door waiting to say hello to us. 

I think some dogs just take more time to become affectionate. I know some dogs are never overly affectionate but Lilo could definitely become affectionate with time. 

Lilo might be feeling your grief as well. Dogs are great at picking up on emotions and she may feel your grief and emotions and it may just take both of you sometime to deal with those emotions. 

Give it time. She can never replace Cocoa but she definitely will win a spot in your heart while you guys create new memories together.

Hugss if I can ever help with anything please let me know.


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## luvmybabe (Jun 2, 2013)

My heart goes out to you and I know how you feel. We had to put down our Maltese Yoshie on May 17 due to total and complete kidney failure, I had trouble sleeping, eating and I was crying pretty much nonstop, so my husband told me to go look for a new dog and Buckley came into our lives 4 days later. I went through lots of emotions like feeling guilty and like I was betraying Yoshie. I also was second guessing myself on if we did the right thing with Yoshie and I still have those thoughts today. Yoshie will always hold a big part of my heart but Buckley is also there. Don't beat yourself up just give it some time and Lilo will warm you over.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Rolo n Buttons said:


> The way you just described Lilo there, that's Buttons! He loves us but on his terms. Rolo will love me all day but Buttons has certain times of the day when he wants a cuddle. I wonder if he will always be like that or change as he gets older.
> Fancy dreaming about my 2! Lol. I'll tell them they're famous! X



Interesting, how old is buttons?



ashclayy said:


> I got my Harley when I turned 18. He was the mend to my heart from my bad breakup with my first love. The love I felt/ feel for Harley was so strong. He turned into my Child pretty much. Love bursting at the seams I guess. When I moved and was out on my own I made some choices that I think about every day. I decided Harley needed a friend. So I went back to the breeder I got Harley from and found out that Harley's parents had another litter. I wanted another dog for all the wrong reasons. I ended up jumping into it and bought Bentley, my other chi. I wasn't attached to him and he was so high strung and ADHD. It actually took me around 10 months until he was potty trained completely. To make matters even worse, Harley was extremely jealous and I could feel my heart breaking because of it. Instead of being aggressive, Harley shut down pretty much. He would sleep all the time and would always have a sour look on his face.
> 
> Okay whew that was depressing re-touching all of that mess again. Flash forward 2 years now...
> 
> ...


The way you described your love for Harley is very much like how I felt/feel about Coco. When I lost her I felt like I lost my baby, not just a dog. It's good to hear that you eventually managed to develop a strong attachment to Bentley too. It makes me feel a bit better about it taking time with Lilo. 



intent2smile said:


> It can definitely change. When we first brought Jaxx home he was happy to be in his bed or in his chair and sometimes it seemed like he could have cared less if we were even around. When we would leave him and come home he would just look at you like you interrupted his sleep.
> 
> Now he is an entirely different dog. He is happiest if he is on our laps although after we take him outside for the last time at night most of the time he goes to bed and you won't see him again until morning but during the day he is happiest when he is with us. He has gotten to the point though that if we leave after he has gone to bed he will get up when we come back give us kisses and then head back to bed. If we leave him during the day when we open the door he is on the back of the recliner that is right beside the door waiting to say hello to us.
> 
> ...


Thanks!! You just gave me some hopes. 

That's exactly what Lilo does when we leave her alone! For example we came back the other day and opened the gate in the kitchen doorway (we keep her confined to the kitchen when gone). There she was happily sleeping. I said hello and her ears moved a little, but she wasn't bothered enough to even open her eyes. She carried on sleeping there for ages while we put the groceries in the fridge and started cooking. She only got up because of the smell of food being cooked.  :lol: 

She does the same thing at night. If we put her in her bed, she'll sleep there until the morning. If we let her sleep with us she's happy too, but she's not bothered either way. 

About feeling our grief, that's true, quite possibly has something to do with it.

Out of curiosity, did Jaxx give kisses as a young puppy or did that start later? Lilo has never given us kisses. She only licks our fingers if food is involved. lol

I don't think her previous owners played with her much so maybe she lacked stimulation/playful interactions during the first few months of her life? They treated her well and she's very well socialised (it was a big family with kids) so she isn't scared of anything, not sensitive to loud sounds, very confident, etc, but she didn't know how to play at all when I got her. Lilo's mum seemed similar too. I don't think they're the kind of people who take their chis for walks and all that. I had to force her into playing with toys and playing fetch by giving her treats (At first when I threw a toy, she just looked at me totally confused) whereas it came naturally to Coco. Now a few weeks later, she's super excited about toys and plays a lot. She hated walking at first too. Now she's beginning to see the fun of it at the park (chasing leaves blown by the wind, chasing pigeons, etc). So it seems like these people probably mostly leave their dogs to themselves so Lilo is a bit clueless about playing and affection. Just a theory. 



luvmybabe said:


> My heart goes out to you and I know how you feel. We had to put down our Maltese Yoshie on May 17 due to total and complete kidney failure, I had trouble sleeping, eating and I was crying pretty much nonstop, so my husband told me to go look for a new dog and Buckley came into our lives 4 days later. I went through lots of emotions like feeling guilty and like I was betraying Yoshie. I also was second guessing myself on if we did the right thing with Yoshie and I still have those thoughts today. Yoshie will always hold a big part of my heart but Buckley is also there. Don't beat yourself up just give it some time and Lilo will warm you over.


Thanks. And I'm sorry to hear about Yoshie. It's so hard isn't it!


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Buttons is 8 months on the 5th x


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Rolo n Buttons said:


> Buttons is 8 months on the 5th x


Ooh I see, so he's still pretty young. There's time for him to change too. It should be interesting to see what happens.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

OMG, you have all made me cry, the support and love on this forum for people who may have never even met in person is amazing, I am so happy to be a part of this. 

My heart goes out to all who have lost, I am going on 4 months without my Samantha, my shepard/husky mix who i had to let go at 17, broke my heart and miss her terribly, no other will ever replace her. She was my #1... 

My Chi's grieved for her for a short time, they are all young and I'm sure have forgotten she was ever even there, But I never will. My Vito loves on his own terms, LOL where Mia and Enzo will kiss you all over when ever you ask, Vito mmmmm, he has to be in the mood. He loves to cuddle and loves to be in my lap follows me everywhere but the only time I get kisses is when i come home and i have to sit in the chair for him to get tome, if i pick him up he just refuses. But I love them all !!!! I guess it's like having kids, you don't love one more than the other and one cannot replae another but they are all special in thier own way


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## SophieTheChihuahua (Nov 25, 2012)

Yeah losing a beloved pup is a difficult thing to go through. I am sure you just feel guilty of replacing coco but im sure that as time goes on the grieving will become easier to handle and you will become very attached to little lilo...good luck


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Sorry I hadn't seen these last 2 responses. Well, we've had for over 6 weeks and I still feel nothing. We've been cycling between thinking getting her was a mistake and "no we can do this".  

I've been crying a lot about this. I know that all dogs are unique and didn't expect Lilo to be like Coco... however I suppose I did expect affection, playfulness, enjoying walks... some basic things that every dog I've ever had has had... but Lilo isn't like that. I feel bad because it's not her fault, but I have to admit we're a bit disappointed and don't feel that she is what we were looking for. Maybe we rushed it and should have been more careful when choosing a puppy.  

I hate feeling like this, it makes me feel like monster. She deserves better than that.


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## mooberry (Jan 31, 2011)

Sounds like your going through a lot of guilt. Perhaps you may need to rehome her until your ready? Are you in London Ontario or London UK? I know of some rescues in Ontario. I am in Hamilton. If you are in the UK I don't. Or what about perhaps having someone baby sit Lilo for a week or so? That may give you the time to either miss her or figure out your emotions. You may have to detach her from the memory of Coco, they are not one in the same but when you have suffered such a loss everything can remind us what we lost especially another furbaby. 

If you need someone to talk to I am always here. I have a tattoo for my first heart dog, when Bijoux started filling that void I got scared too, however mine was completely different then your situation. If you are London Ontario and need someone to babysit her for you I will watch her for as long as you need. I can fully sympathize with what you are going through. xoxo


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## miuccias (Aug 22, 2012)

Kelsey that's a very nice offer and idea!
If I could I would take her in a heartbeat, Lilo is so beautiful!


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

mooberry said:


> Sounds like your going through a lot of guilt. Perhaps you may need to rehome her until your ready? Are you in London Ontario or London UK? I know of some rescues in Ontario. I am in Hamilton. If you are in the UK I don't. Or what about perhaps having someone baby sit Lilo for a week or so? That may give you the time to either miss her or figure out your emotions. You may have to detach her from the memory of Coco, they are not one in the same but when you have suffered such a loss everything can remind us what we lost especially another furbaby.
> 
> If you need someone to talk to I am always here. I have a tattoo for my first heart dog, when Bijoux started filling that void I got scared too, however mine was completely different then your situation. If you are London Ontario and need someone to babysit her for you I will watch her for as long as you need. I can fully sympathize with what you are going through. xoxo


Thank you so much for the offer to babysit her. That's very kind of you. Unfortunately I am in the UK right now (coincidentally, I do come from Canada not so far from where you are though!). That's what I fear, that we're not ready. My partner has talked about possibly rehoming her (if things don't improve) and it just breaks our heart because we never ever thought we could ever do this to a dog. I always said I'd never give up a dog like that. Of course this isn't affecting the way we care for her btw. She's been treated like a princess. 

It's a good idea, though I don't have anyone to babysit her here. The last time I asked friends to babysit my dog, she died, so I'm not sure who I can trust. 



miuccias said:


> Kelsey that's a very nice offer and idea!
> If I could I would take her in a heartbeat, Lilo is so beautiful!


She is. I feel so bad.  

I've been thinking... maybe the solution would be to get a second dog.  Lilo isn't drawn towards adult humans, but she does light up around other dogs and kids. Maybe another dog (one that is affectionate towards us) would make us 3 happier. Of course I wouldn't buy another one now, but in the future...


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

mooberry said:


> If you need someone to talk to I am always here. I have a tattoo for my first heart dog


Oh btw this is a nice idea. I was thinking about getting a tiny paw print tattoo in Coco's name. It's crazy how she was with us only for a year, but left a bigger mark than any pet I've ever had...


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

I'm afraid if you rehome her at this point, you will really miss her! I know two years is a long time, but Angel is getting more cuddly and affectionate with age! He never used to really "follow" us unless food was involved! But he seems to be getting better with age!


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Angel1210 said:


> I'm afraid if you rehome her at this point, you will really miss her! I know two years is a long time, but Angel is getting more cuddly and affectionate with age! He never used to really "follow" us unless food was involved! But he seems to be getting better with age!


That's the thing... we probably would really miss her. After the heartbreak we went through with Coco, having an independent unaffectionate dog is not what we needed and it hurts... but at the same time it's not her fault. It's just the way she is and she seems content with us... I'd hate for her to feel abandoned.  That's why we were thinking about a second dog as another option..

Aww it's nice to hear that Angel is getting more affectionate with time. It gives me some hopes! Lilo is also all about food for now. Best way to a dog's heart after all... lol


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

I agree. I've never yet lost a dog, since Frodo is my first, but I do have experience with bereavement. It's far too soon to consider something so drastic as giving Lilo up: you just have to be patient. As so many contributors to this forum have already said, no dog will replace Coco in your heart, and I'm sure you wouldn't want them to. Instead, you have to allow time to develop a relationship with Lilo, and appreciate her as a distinct personality in her own right. I'm no expert, but I'd suggest that bringing Lilo home has triggered a new stage of mourning for Coco. It's inevitable that you keep comparing her to Coco - that's natural - but I'm sure that you'll eventually begin to develop a bond with the new pup that is just as strong, but you have to be prepared for it to be different. After all, if any one dog could easily be substituted for any other, our love for them wouldn't be as special, would it? They're all individuals, just like people. Hang on in there. x

PS: A tribute tattoo for Coco sounds like a lovely idea - go for it!


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

I think a second dog is a good idea, it will give Lilo someone to play with. Be selective get one that is affectionate. When i first held Mia she immediatly gave me kisses, and is very affectionate, and well as Enzo very much a lover. Vito loves on his own terms. He will sit and cuddle but only kisses when he wants..LOL. I too like the idea of a memorial tattoo. I have one, and it does help, gives an outward symbol that you will never forget and honors his memory


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Thanks for the support! 

SarahJG, you're right. I guess I'm just not used to this... I've had quite a few dogs before and they were all overly affectionate, no matter the breed. Over time I'm sure we'll learn to love her the way she is. I'm sure if we had her in different circumstances it wouldn't affect us like this... but because she arrived after a big heartbreak, we really needed some puppy love and playfulness to lift our spirits. 

cpaoline, that's the thing, next time we'll have to be very selective. I can't really afford another one right now, but hopefully soon. When I first saw Lilo, she walked up to me and fell asleep on my lap. I thought it was a good sign... but in retrospect, there were already signs there that we ignored. Not that it makes her worth less than any other dog (she's a smart little cutie), just not the ideal dog in our current situation. 

About the tattoo, that's how I feel as well. I'm even more tempted now, but scared of the pain. lol


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

I'm sorry i havent had time to read all the comments, but just wanted to say.... Time is a great healer. 

I adopted my boy Benji when he was nearly 8, he was PTS when he was 11. Only a few short years with him, but i loved him more than life itself. He was the fluffiest, sweetest, funniest dog ever. All he wanted in life was to be cuddled, which i was more than happy to give!! 

After his passing in the November, we got Honey the following January. After the initial puppy excitedness, i admit thinking, oh my gosh what have i done! Honey was, and is, a monster! Haha! I have never met a dog, let alone a Chi, who has this much energy! She never wants to cuddle and she has serious issues that we still do a lot of work on.

But i tell you, i wouldnt be without her now. She is my special little girl. She has been with me through a lot in the past year, and i probably wouldnt have got up in the mornings if i didnt have her to look after. 

Of course i wish Benji was still here, but i am happier knowing that for the time i had him, i gave him a good life. Now it's Honeys turn! xx


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

coco_little_bear said:


> Thanks for the support!
> 
> SarahJG, you're right. I guess I'm just not used to this... I've had quite a few dogs before and they were all overly affectionate, no matter the breed. Over time I'm sure we'll learn to love her the way she is. I'm sure if we had her in different circumstances it wouldn't affect us like this... but because she arrived after a big heartbreak, we really needed some puppy love and playfulness to lift our spirits.
> 
> ...


The pains' not bad. especailly if your going small, it will be over before you know it. I have a paw print for my baby! and several others...lol. some spots are more sensitive than other. Where are you thinking of getting it? I will tell you the foot is a BAD idea, lol


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

Yup: foot is BAD! So is the ribs. If you want a fairly pain-free experience, try shoulder or upper arm. If you only have a small tattoo, the pain is bearable, honestly. I'm in the middle of a big one (two sessions of three hrs each, and it's not finished yet), and most of that's been fine. Just make sure to find a good tattoo artist; it's really worth it, even if you have to pay a little bit more.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Rach_Honey said:


> I'm sorry i havent had time to read all the comments, but just wanted to say.... Time is a great healer.
> 
> I adopted my boy Benji when he was nearly 8, he was PTS when he was 11. Only a few short years with him, but i loved him more than life itself. He was the fluffiest, sweetest, funniest dog ever. All he wanted in life was to be cuddled, which i was more than happy to give!!
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me feel a bit better! I've never felt regret after getting a dog so it made me feel like a horrible person. I'm glad you managed to fall in love with your little monster after all.  Hopefully the same thing will happen to us.



cpaoline said:


> The pains' not bad. especailly if your going small, it will be over before you know it. I have a paw print for my baby! and several others...lol. some spots are more sensitive than other. Where are you thinking of getting it? I will tell you the foot is a BAD idea, lol





SarahJG said:


> Yup: foot is BAD! So is the ribs. If you want a fairly pain-free experience, try shoulder or upper arm. If you only have a small tattoo, the pain is bearable, honestly. I'm in the middle of a big one (two sessions of three hrs each, and it's not finished yet), and most of that's been fine. Just make sure to find a good tattoo artist; it's really worth it, even if you have to pay a little bit more.


Eek, the foot was one of my preference... or a wrist, though I heard that's very painful too... Maybe if it's a tiny tattoo I can survive? :lol:

Ouch that's a lot of hours!! What are you getting done?


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

SarahJG said:


> Yup: foot is BAD! So is the ribs. If you want a fairly pain-free experience, try shoulder or upper arm. If you only have a small tattoo, the pain is bearable, honestly. I'm in the middle of a big one (two sessions of three hrs each, and it's not finished yet), and most of that's been fine. Just make sure to find a good tattoo artist; it's really worth it, even if you have to pay a little bit more.


oh god the ribs......eeeeeeeeeeee, almost told him to stop, I have a big side piece and the ribs were awful especially with the shading, I was raw! Ankel isn't so bad, upper shoulder was virtually painless. I have one on both wrists, that was bad either. Just go down a little further on your wrist not so close to the hand.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)




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## Wiz (Feb 2, 2013)

I don't think you ever have the same feelings as you get with your first chi. I still watch junior sleep and my heart swells. With my new chi polo I don't have the same feelings I love him to bits but he's so different. Very independent 


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## queen princess (Jun 5, 2013)

i know that dogs all have different personallitys, but it almost seems like she dosnt know HOW to be how you want her to be. our dog who was euthanized that i was telling you about, did not have the knowledge of how to play with me (was also agressive with other dogs). it took our other dogs to bring him out of his shell. if she is really pearking up around other dogs, try some play times with other dogs. ask your friends/neighbors who have friendly dogs if their dog can spend the afternoon at your home. that will help give you an idea if you can handle another dog, if your dog wants another dog, and you may even see her learning from the other dog the trates you want to see in her.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

cpaoline, nice! I like the bird! Was that painful on top on your hand?? I hadn't thought about the ankle, but that could be another option. 

Wiz, that's true. Part of it might be that Coco was my first chi so on top of her being an amazing dog, it brought huge changes in our home and was really exciting... whereas now we're used to having a dog in the house so it can never feel like that again.

queen princess, thanks that's a great idea. Coincidentally I'm going to be babysitting my neighbour/friend's dog friday and for a few days next week. Lilo met their dog already and LOVES him. Maybe that will help her. He's a very affectionate dog... we looked after him last week. I started to cry at some point and he ran to me to lick my face. Lilo copied him (sort of). She didn't lick my face, but she ran to me with excitement like he did. Maybe we should ask our friend if Lilo can spend some more time with him.


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

Cathy, I love your tattoos: they are so delicate.
Coco_little_bear: I have a small one on my wrist (a little seahorse). I won't lie - it did hurt, but if it's a small tattoo and nothing too intricate, the whole thing doesn't take long. 
This doesn't seem to be the right thread to be discussing tattoos, as you're debating an emotional and serious subject, so I'll start a new thread and post some pics of my tattoos. Maybe you'll get some ideas! 
It sounds as if this thread has helped you think about the Lilo issue in more positive ways, and if that's the case, I'm glad. Coco was obviously such a special dog, and you don't get over a loss like that in a few months. Congratulate yourself that you're doing well. X


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

coco_little_bear said:


> Thanks for the support!
> 
> SarahJG, you're right. I guess I'm just not used to this... I've had quite a few dogs before and they were all overly affectionate, no matter the breed. Over time I'm sure we'll learn to love her the way she is. I'm sure if we had her in different circumstances it wouldn't affect us like this... but because she arrived after a big heartbreak, we really needed some puppy love and playfulness to lift our spirits.
> 
> ...


The tattoo idea is lovely. That may make you feel better. A friend of mine lost her 82 year old mother and her 8 year old daughter on the road, they were both hit by a car and killed instantly. She had her daughters name tattooed over her heart. It helped her a lot, she said that the pain was almost self-punishment for what happened. (She blames herself for leaving them alone, she was christmas shopping). You also have a permanent reminder of the person/animal that's was such a big part of your life. I have 4 tattoos, one of them right round my leg, it's not that bad, honestly and quite quick. It may help the healing process. I think sometimes we are afraid we will forget who we've lost. A tattoo would help that. 
Also, think to yourself what you would do if someone would come along now and try to take Lilo away from you? Would you fight for her or let her go? You probably do have feelings for her but they are deep down and suppressed. Poor you xx


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Rolo n Buttons said:


> The tattoo idea is lovely. That may make you feel better. A friend of mine lost her 82 year old mother and her 8 year old daughter on the road, they were both hit by a car and killed instantly. She had her daughters name tattooed over her heart. It helped her a lot, she said that the pain was almost self-punishment for what happened. (She blames herself for leaving them alone, she was christmas shopping). You also have a permanent reminder of the person/animal that's was such a big part of your life. I have 4 tattoos, one of them right round my leg, it's not that bad, honestly and quite quick. It may help the healing process. I think sometimes we are afraid we will forget who we've lost. A tattoo would help that.
> Also, think to yourself what you would do if someone would come along now and try to take Lilo away from you? Would you fight for her or let her go? You probably do have feelings for her but they are deep down and suppressed. Poor you xx
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


Re-reading my last post I just want to say I'm not advocating any sort of self-harm/punishment, I'm just trying to explain how a tattoo helped my friend in an extreme situation. This may not be right for other people. 


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## Winstonsmum (Jul 2, 2013)

I remember i grew up with our black lab. It ripped me apart when he died and he was my dads best friend. My dads a builder and so took Blue with him to work everyday, they were inseperable. My dad couldnt bring himself to get another dog but missed Blue terribly. In the end he took in a homeless 2 year old black lab and again theyre inseperable! He still talks about blue and how different he was to how his dog is now, but every dog has a different personality. I dont think you ever really get over the loss of a dog, theyre an extension of your family, you just learn to live with the fact that they're gone and enjoy the memories they have left you


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

coco_little_bear said:


> cpaoline, nice! I like the bird! Was that painful on top on your hand?? I hadn't thought about the ankle, but that could be another option.
> 
> Wiz, that's true. Part of it might be that Coco was my first chi so on top of her being an amazing dog, it brought huge changes in our home and was really exciting... whereas now we're used to having a dog in the house so it can never feel like that again.
> 
> queen princess, thanks that's a great idea. Coincidentally I'm going to be babysitting my neighbour/friend's dog friday and for a few days next week. Lilo met their dog already and LOVES him. Maybe that will help her. He's a very affectionate dog... we looked after him last week. I started to cry at some point and he ran to me to lick my face. Lilo copied him (sort of). She didn't lick my face, but she ran to me with excitement like he did. Maybe we should ask our friend if Lilo can spend some more time with him.



top of the hand was not bad, i know of a few people that have them on the meatly part of the hand above the thumb, that seems like a safe spot. My husband has the same bird, we had went through a rough time and the bird symbolizes new beginnings and a bunch of other stuff,lol.

I think it's great that you are watching another dog that is affectionate, Lilo may catch on..


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

SarahJG said:


> Cathy, I love your tattoos: they are so delicate.
> Coco_little_bear: I have a small one on my wrist (a little seahorse). I won't lie - it did hurt, but if it's a small tattoo and nothing too intricate, the whole thing doesn't take long.
> This doesn't seem to be the right thread to be discussing tattoos, as you're debating an emotional and serious subject, so I'll start a new thread and post some pics of my tattoos. Maybe you'll get some ideas!
> It sounds as if this thread has helped you think about the Lilo issue in more positive ways, and if that's the case, I'm glad. Coco was obviously such a special dog, and you don't get over a loss like that in a few months. Congratulate yourself that you're doing well. X


Thank you.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

Winstonsmum said:


> I remember i grew up with our black lab. It ripped me apart when he died and he was my dads best friend. My dads a builder and so took Blue with him to work everyday, they were inseperable. My dad couldnt bring himself to get another dog but missed Blue terribly. In the end he took in a homeless 2 year old black lab and again theyre inseperable! He still talks about blue and how different he was to how his dog is now, but every dog has a different personality. I dont think you ever really get over the loss of a dog, theyre an extension of your family, you just learn to live with the fact that they're gone and enjoy the memories they have left you


It's true, I lost my Samantha in February, and I talk about her all the time. I know it has only been a short time but I can't see myself ever forgetting her. Sometimes, i think of her and cry sometimes i think of her and laugh at all the crazy stuff she use to do. And i do compare my chi's to her, even just last night with there being left over steak and spinach, i said if sam were here, this wouldn't be going to waste..LOL, she would have cleaned her bowl in 2 minutes flat. She inhaled food .


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## Winstonsmum (Jul 2, 2013)

We lost Blue about 4 years ago, every so often i forget myself and call his new dog Blue lol only because they look almost identical although they differ soo much in personality! Blue was absolutely nuts and so playful and loud barking at everyone when they walked past the house! But before my dad took in his new dog, he was trained to be a gun dog and to be silent at all times! When my dad got him, he wouldnt get on the sofa, wouldnt get on the bed and wouldnt eat leftover dinner... Although thats all been changed now haha!!
I still get upset when i think about blue, we got him when i was 7 and i still remember the day we went and picked him up and he died when I was 21, so he was with me through a huge and very tough time of my life! I'll never ever forget that dog and the happy memories he's left me with


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Thank you everyone. Sorry I took a while to respond because I was away for 2 days for a funeral (it really hasn't been the best summer so far). My partner's 18 year old cousin died in an accident... it was so tragic. Just thinking about how much it hurt me to lose Coco, I can't imagine how his aunt and uncle feel having lost their son at this age. It's just so horrible and heartbreaking. 

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this thread did help me feel a lot better about Lilo and we've decided to keep her.  I don't know what happened in the last few days, but there's been a sudden change in her, like she seems more drawn to us. We went away for 2 days for the funeral and brought her with us (no way am I ever letting anyone babysit my dogs!). I don't know if it was the unfamiliar places and/or the large amount of strangers giving her attention, but while she was having the time of her life over there (there was another dog that she got along with very well)... she kept walking back to us every few minutes and recognising us as her safety place. She suddenly let everyone hold and cuddle her too! She became a little therapy dog for everyone there. hehe On our way back home yesterday I think she was very exhausted and became very cuddly. She kept moving between my lap and my partner's lap. So I don't know what those 2 days did to her, but I hope she carries on that way. 

Of course there are a lot of things to work on, but I feel more positive about it now.


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

Fantastic! You were due a breakthrough. I'm sorry to hear about the circumstances in which it happened, but it is great to hear that you're bonding with your little girl. x


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## Lulajane (Jun 24, 2013)

I'm so glad to hear you've had a breakthrough with Lilo! I read your thread about losing Coco a while back & I know your heart still aches for her. I love what everyone shared with you here & it looks like you got some great insight on how things will change. 
Sorry to hear about your partners cousin, that's always an awful way to lose someone.


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## Dizenana (Jul 20, 2013)

I lost my little C.B. only 2 weeks ago. A new little girl (still unnamed) dropped into my life yesterday. I already love this little one, but not the same. You can't really replace one with another. The void can be filled, and you can love another...but I don't think I will ever not miss C.B. She had a stroke on a Sunday night, we had her until Friday, when she had gone downhill to the point of deciding it was time to let her rest. She had another stroke just before the injection, so I know it was time, and the right thing to do for her. She was 15, my baby girl (born in my kitchen!). Last night was the first night with "new baby"...and I cried...thinking of my little C.B. I will never not miss her, but I do think this little one will fill the hole in my heart, and give me much joy!


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## Laceybean (Jul 20, 2013)

Grief takes a while. I had to put down my dog in april and two days ago brought home Lacey bean. I found it was easy to get attached to her because she is just adorable and loves me too much that I in-love with her since day one. Also, the dog that i put down in april was more a family dog (i still loved her as equally as I love this dog) but, this is my chosen dog and we just clicked instantly!!! Also, the day i was going to get her in felt a sadness and and a feeling that i was betraying my dog. I cried for a bit but i realized that she would want me to take in another puppy and share new memories. 

Take your time. But try and bond with the little pup or the pup might catch on and react to it. 

I'm sorry for your loss! 


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

Dizenana said:


> I She was 15, my baby girl (born in my kitchen!). Last night was the first night with "new baby"...and I cried...thinking of my little C.B. I will never not miss her, but I do think this little one will fill the hole in my heart, and give me much joy!


That's a heartbreaking and life-affirming story. How wonderful that you had 15 years with your soul pup, and were with her from the beginning of her life to the end. And it's so great that you are now embarking on a new great adventure with another puppy. Dogs aren't replaceable, but there is always enough love to give to one more. I wish you a long and happy life together. x


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## woodard2009 (Aug 4, 2010)

Lilo is picking up on your grief and is probably keeping his distance because of it. I know it's hard, but try to open yourself up to Lilo and it will help with the grief. I'm so sorry for your loss. Try to remember all the good times.


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

Ji


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the support. I know that most people in the real world would think I'm crazy/annoying/oversensitive/pathetic at this point and would just tell me to get over it... so thanks. 



Dizenana said:


> I lost my little C.B. only 2 weeks ago. A new little girl (still unnamed) dropped into my life yesterday. I already love this little one, but not the same. You can't really replace one with another. The void can be filled, and you can love another...but I don't think I will ever not miss C.B. She had a stroke on a Sunday night, we had her until Friday, when she had gone downhill to the point of deciding it was time to let her rest. She had another stroke just before the injection, so I know it was time, and the right thing to do for her. She was 15, my baby girl (born in my kitchen!). Last night was the first night with "new baby"...and I cried...thinking of my little C.B. I will never not miss her, but I do think this little one will fill the hole in my heart, and give me much joy!


I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand. Even if things are getting easier slowly, I think about Coco on and off all day. I don't think I will ever not miss her either. I think it's amazing that you got to spend 15 years with her (from the very beginning of her life too!) and must be filled with great memories to remember. It's great that your new puppy is already making you feel better too. 



Laceybean said:


> Grief takes a while. I had to put down my dog in april and two days ago brought home Lacey bean. I found it was easy to get attached to her because she is just adorable and loves me too much that I in-love with her since day one. Also, the dog that i put down in april was more a family dog (i still loved her as equally as I love this dog) but, this is my chosen dog and we just clicked instantly!!! Also, the day i was going to get her in felt a sadness and and a feeling that i was betraying my dog. I cried for a bit but i realized that she would want me to take in another puppy and share new memories.
> 
> Take your time. But try and bond with the little pup or the pup might catch on and react to it.
> 
> I'm sorry for your loss!


Thanks, I'm sorry about your family dog too. That's exactly how I felt when I got Coco. We just clicked instantly and had such a strong bond. I hope you get to spend many many happy years with your new puppy!  I sure wish I had had more than 1 year with my little Cokes, but that one year she gave us was very special and we'll never forget it.


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

I'm new here and feel terrible about your loss. What happened to your baby. I just lost my 11 1/2 year old boy to chf. It came on so suddenly and he was gone. I had taken a new chi a few weeks before he died because he liked to play but he didn't get a chance to play with the puppy. I miss him a lot. Your new baby will warm up to you real soon. Don't give up on her.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

3 loves said:


> I'm new here and feel terrible about your loss. What happened to your baby. I just lost my 11 1/2 year old boy to chf. It came on so suddenly and he was gone. I had taken a new chi a few weeks before he died because he liked to play but he didn't get a chance to play with the puppy. I miss him a lot. Your new baby will warm up to you real soon. Don't give up on her.


Thanks. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss too. Losing a beloved pet is always hard, but sudden deaths like this are such a horrible shock.  I can relate. I hope your new puppy is helping you go through this.

Coco was ran over by a car while we were gone on holiday and she was being looked after by a friend. 

I've had a bit of a breakthrough with Lilo in the past couple of weeks. I don't know if I just needed to be more patient or if talking about it on here helped me feel more positive about it or if it's all the work we've been putting into training her (probably a mix of everything), but she's become more drawn to us suddenly and I'm starting to feel attached to her. She's not going anywhere!!


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

coco_little_bear said:


> Thanks. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss too. Losing a beloved pet is always hard, but sudden deaths like this are such a horrible shock.  I can relate. I hope your new puppy is helping you go through this.
> 
> Coco was ran over by a car while we were gone on holiday and she was being looked after by a friend.
> 
> I've had a bit of a breakthrough with Lilo in the past couple of weeks. I don't know if I just needed to be more patient or if talking about it on here helped me feel more positive about it or if it's all the work we've been putting into training her (probably a mix of everything), but she's become more drawn to us suddenly and I'm starting to feel attached to her. She's not going anywhere!!


I knew you could it! And isn't it wonderful - on so many levels! You have made an amazing breakthrough! You should be so proud!


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

I'm so glad it's working out. My new guy jasper is a handful. All he wants to do is play.
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. As you can see he does quiet down sometimes. And he loves to snuggle with my husband.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Angel1210 said:


> I knew you could it! And isn't it wonderful - on so many levels! You have made an amazing breakthrough! You should be so proud!





3 loves said:


> I'm so glad it's working out.


Thanks. There are still lots of things to work on and get used to, but I'm glad she's here now. She may not be affectionate like other dogs I've had, but she looks at me with those cute puppy eyes that tell me she's very happy with us. I was looking at pictures and videos I took when we first brought her home and she was SO cute (still is of course) and it made me sad that we were too upset at the time to fully enjoy her early puppy stages. Gotta make up for it now. 

3 loves, your puppy is a cutie. :]


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

I know what you mean about the affectionate part :-|! My first chi would snuggle up by neck and chin and just be so loveable! He followed me everywhere! Put his little paws under the bathroom door, haha! Angel is much more, I guess, independent. He likes to sit in laps, but that's about it! Sometimes I wonder if it is because I wasn't very fond of him in the beginning! I will never know!

You haven't really missed all the good times! They good through so many stages! There's a lot to look forward to!


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

Every puppy brings its own personality with it but sometimes you see some of your lost puppy in there too. It's almost like the one you lost is giving info to the new one. Saying my mommy likes you to do this or that or she thought it was funny. My jasper takes every stuffed toy out of his big dog bed and deposits them all over the house and on the bed. My skippy would do the same thing but not as many of his babies. Every time he does it I remember my missed boy.


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

coco_little_bear said:


> Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the support. I know that most people in the real world would think I'm crazy/annoying/oversensitive/pathetic at this point and would just tell me to get over it... so thanks.


I feel bad that people would tell you that  You don't ever need to worry about that here, we're always here for you!


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

We have the fears you're experiencing do we get another down the road? Were terrified we womt bond with her and regret it. 

Glad everything is starting to work out for you.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Angel1210 said:


> I know what you mean about the affectionate part :-|! My first chi would snuggle up by neck and chin and just be so loveable! He followed me everywhere! Put his little paws under the bathroom door, haha! Angel is much more, I guess, independent. He likes to sit in laps, but that's about it! Sometimes I wonder if it is because I wasn't very fond of him in the beginning! I will never know!
> 
> You haven't really missed all the good times! They good through so many stages! There's a lot to look forward to!


Coco was like that too! She was my little loving velcro dog and I loved it. hehe About Angel picking up on the fact that you weren't very fond of him at the start, it's quite possible. I was wondering the same thing about Lilo. I gotta say she is changing slowly though. Getting more and more snuggly. Maybe she's sensing that we're opening up to her more.

Here she is cuddling up on my partner's neck... so there is hope. 

__
Sensitive content, not recommended for those under 18
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3 loves said:


> Every puppy brings its own personality with it but sometimes you see some of your lost puppy in there too. It's almost like the one you lost is giving info to the new one. Saying my mommy likes you to do this or that or she thought it was funny. My jasper takes every stuffed toy out of his big dog bed and deposits them all over the house and on the bed. My skippy would do the same thing but not as many of his babies. Every time he does it I remember my missed boy.


That's true. I've had a few moments like this with Lilo lately. 



lilbabyvenus said:


> I feel bad that people would tell you that  You don't ever need to worry about that here, we're always here for you!


Aww thank you, that means a lot to me. Glad I found this forum. 



Chihuahuasloveme said:


> We have the fears you're experiencing do we get another down the road? Were terrified we womt bond with her and regret it.
> 
> Glad everything is starting to work out for you.


I completely understand, I was terrified at the start. I got Lilo a few weeks after losing Coco and tbh I was so distraught by Coco's death that I should have probably waited just a bit longer. But what's done is done. The start was a bit rough, but now I'm really glad she's here so I don't think it was a mistake. I'm sure you'll reach a point where you'll be able to welcome another puppy in your home too, though it may not feel like it right now. How are you feeling btw? I hope things are little bit better. x


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## SarahJG (May 25, 2013)

That photo is just adorable! What great strides you've taken with Lilo over the last couple of months. Well done you. X


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

coco_little_bear said:


> I completely understand, I was terrified at the start. I got Lilo a few weeks after losing Coco and tbh I was so distraught by Coco's death that I should have probably waited just a bit longer. But what's done is done. The start was a bit rough, but now I'm really glad she's here so I don't think it was a mistake. I'm sure you'll reach a point where you'll be able to welcome another puppy in your home too, though it may not feel like it right now. How are you feeling btw? I hope things are little bit better. x


not good at all still I can't stop thinking of it constantly and I have such high anxiety I haven't even gone back into my bedroom we've been sleeping on the couch. I have anxiety with leaving Ninja home even though he is in the crate 100% of the time now. 

My fiance planned a surprise trip and I won't know where we are going until we get to the airport so I have something to look forward too and my mom is taking Ninja which she has been coming when we're at work and taking him for half of the work shift so I can be worry free and he is not all alone. 

I had the other 2 chis over for 2 nights and Ninja really enjoyed that as did I as they are Baby-Love's pups. 

I look at other chi's but the thought of replacing her kills me I don't want another dog I want her. 

I wake up constantly checking on Ninja to make sure hes still alive I feel like a walking zombie.


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

Just hang in there things will get better. I think that all of us second guess ourselves if we could have done something different and they would Still be here. I believe that when its our time to go there's a reason for it. In time I think you'll bring another pup into your life and you will love it to. And you'll always have the memories of your lost one to cherish. Have a great trip.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

Chihuahuasloveme said:


> not good at all still I can't stop thinking of it constantly and I have such high anxiety I haven't even gone back into my bedroom we've been sleeping on the couch. I have anxiety with leaving Ninja home even though he is in the crate 100% of the time now.
> 
> My fiance planned a surprise trip and I won't know where we are going until we get to the airport so I have something to look forward too and my mom is taking Ninja which she has been coming when we're at work and taking him for half of the work shift so I can be worry free and he is not all alone.
> 
> ...


*Hugs* I was feeling exactly like that too. It took me a long time to accept what had happened... I didn't want another dog, I just wanted Coco. I would do anything to have her back. The thought of replacing her made me feel sick... but in the end, she hasn't been replaced. Coco was a very special dog to us and will remain in our heart as "the queen of Chis" (we always referred to her as that hehe). You can never replace Baby-Love, any dog you get in the future will be a new different story. Nothing can ever take away what she gave you.

I completely understand the anxiety too. I'm the same with Lilo now. I think it's normal and will get better over time. I think going on a random trip like that with your fiance is a really good idea! It will take your mind off things a bit. I really feel for you, I hope things start to get easier soon.


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

Hi just wondering how lilos doing. Hope your doing better too. I know it's hard every once in awhile I wake up expecting to see skippy sleeping next to me. But there's jasper so I feel blessed to be able to help this little guy. And it helps to have him to ease the loss . But he is a sweetie and has found a place in my heart.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Thank you your words have made me feel a lot better it helps to talk to someone who feels what you feel even though I wish we both didn't have to experience it. 

Everyone keeps saying everything happens for a reason and I thoroughly believe that but I just don't get the lesson in my dog dying tragically I cant wrap my head around any reasoning for that to happen id rather be poor single and unhappy with my dog then have this happen. 

Starting to feel so guilty about seeing this other pup today I know shecsnt be replaced but id still rather have her everytime I had her for 7.5 years I was so excited for her to meet our kids when we finally have them they would have loved her. 

Everything we do were like right now baby would be barking...right noe baby would be licking my pillow its so sad feeding 1 dog and walking 1 dog and sleeping with 1 dog. Just sucks so much.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Im.going to peek at some pics of Lilo to help cheer me up lol


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

3 loves said:


> Hi just wondering how lilos doing. Hope your doing better too. I know it's hard every once in awhile I wake up expecting to see skippy sleeping next to me. But there's jasper so I feel blessed to be able to help this little guy. And it helps to have him to ease the loss . But he is a sweetie and has found a place in my heart.


She's good, thanks for asking.  She's been very well behaved these past few days, kind of reminding me of Coco a little bit. I know what you mean, I wake up expecting her to be here at times... like yesterday morning, I woke up and started crying, I just really wanted her to be here. I agree, Lilo helps me cope with the loss too, like jasper. Even when it was hard at the start, in a way it was a form of distraction. 



Chihuahuasloveme said:


> Thank you your words have made me feel a lot better it helps to talk to someone who feels what you feel even though I wish we both didn't have to experience it.
> 
> Everyone keeps saying everything happens for a reason and I thoroughly believe that but I just don't get the lesson in my dog dying tragically I cant wrap my head around any reasoning for that to happen id rather be poor single and unhappy with my dog then have this happen.
> 
> ...


I know what you mean. I find it hard to take the "everything happens for a reason" too... I think life is fragile and sometimes doesn't make any sense. Things just happen and sometimes it's for the best, sometimes for the worst. I guess all we can do is focus on the good memories and be grateful for the time we got to spend with them. 

As for feeling guilty, even if I say try not to, I know that you will anyway. I certainly do, though it's getting better. Every future plan me and my partner had involved Coco too. We also saw each other having kids who would get to grow up with her. Sometimes when I'm enjoying myself with Lilo, it just hits me... I used to do those things with Coco... and I feel bad, I wonder what she would think if she could see us.

Well, I'm glad I managed to help a bit. :] It does help to talk to people who have gone through the same thing. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. hehe


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

I'm trying to hang on to my cookie now. She's my 7.5 year old. She's had kidny desease for three years now. I have to give her subcutainious fluids twice a day now. She goes through periods of not wanting to eat anything. She just started eating again today. Some would say to put her down but she has a real strong heart and she's not ready. I'm going to allow her to fight as long as she wants. She'll let me know when she's tired of fighting or god will take her to be with skippy.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

Sorry to hear about cookie im praying for the both of you.

im trying to get excited about getting this new puppy by saying im excited and posting pics and stuff but not so deep down I dont feel excited at all I just want baby-love back  I dont want a puppy at all I jist want her and id die to see her and feel her kiss her and hear her barks 1 more time. I dont want another puppy wearing her clothes and going in her bed and eating out of her bowl it makes me feel so horrible.


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## 3 loves (Jun 25, 2013)

Things will get better. I know what you mean about wanting to hold them and have them lick you. All of us that have lost our babies wish the same thing. When our day comes well get to do just that. So don't let another puppy use the clothes etc. give one a chance and buy things for that one. Their are a lot of fur baby's out there just waiting to be loved and to give love. Take a chance again. My new 6 month old is helping to fill that void and he is giving me the love to heal my heart.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

3 loves, I'm so sorry to hear about Cookie. That's so sad! It must be hard to see her go through this. 

I know the feeling. I'd do anything to hold Coco in my arms one more time and feel her kisses and hear her cute howl. I hate how quickly the details have faded in my mind. Obviously I remember a lot of things, but my memories are already slightly blurred. I suppose if they remained vivid, it would hurt too much though.

As 3 loves said, don't let the new puppy use baby-love's things if doesn't feel right. I let Lilo use Coco's food bowls, have one of her toys and her harness, but I couldn't bring myself to let her use Coco's blankets, collars, coats and other toys. I put them in a box and am keeping them. I just can't throw them away either. I preferred to start fresh with Lilo, with her own things. I know it's hard, but you will learn to love the new puppy too.


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

I bought a shadow box and have her collar, paw print, pics, shirt and her fave toy in there. I have literally thousands of dollars of stuff for her this new pup is supposed to be very tiny as an adult so I wont even be able to use her clothing but I cant get rid of it my finace said hell get a big bin to store it all in for now.


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