# How do I go on?



## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

First a little about myself:

I'm a 43 yr old male. Happily Married 18 yrs. My Kids:

18 yr old Male
16 yr old Female and 16 yr old Male twins
10 yr old Teacup Chihuahua (Misty)
9 yr old Deer Chihuahua (Patches sister to Misty a yr apart)
1 Yr Old Chug (Bella)

Been raised on the old idiom a man does not cry. A man is seen as the strong one in a situation and is there to help comfort the others.

I'm sad to say after a 3 year Battle with seizures we lost Misty to a stroke the other night. 










I try to keep my head held up and be the strong one but when I sit idle and alone I cant seem to stop crying. My friends and Co-workers all remark how happy she always was and that they could tell she was loved so much by us. But I keep thinking selfishly of how I am alone. I know I still have my other 2 and I'm trying my best to keep my attention on them...but everytime I look at my Pillows or Misty's Blankets, my world comes crashing down again. I hold my head high knowing I gave her a much loved and terrific home and I KNOW for a fact she was happy. I'm proud and extremely grateful I gave her a non-abusive home and she lived with her head held high.

How do you manage? Why does it seem a HUGE part of my heart was ripped away? Why can't I move on? Why can't I be happy in the fact I gave her a good life and my selfishness just wants her back?

Thank you all in advance


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## michele (Jan 12, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss,it is still early days for you,and you need to grieve .So many of us on here have lost a much loved dog,so we know what your going through.I lost mine just over a year ago and i think of him every day.


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## susan davis (Mar 25, 2011)

So sorry to hear about Misty. So many of us have gone through the same thing. You do survive. Grieve at your own time. Some of us get another dog right away, some wait, and some never get another. I am one of the former. I get another one the next week, if I can. If you gave Misty a great home, and you did, then go from there.


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

She was a big part of your life and has left a big hole. Everything you are feeling is completely normal, you can't fight it or rush it, you just have to feel it. It does get easier to bear, you just need to give yourself time to grieve. You obviously loved her very much xxx


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Thank you everyone.

I did get some good news. After her Stroke we had exhausted our savings account on the Vet so we were forced to abandon our dream of keeping her with us always by way of Cremation. We are in an Apartment complex so burying her closeby was a no go.

Today, I can believe in God again.

I received a call today from someone who does Cremations in a nearby town. An Anonymous Facebook Friend of mine contacted them and everything is paid for, I just need to show up Monday to have it done and pick an Urn of my choice (no price limit)

I have always been the one to give my shirt off my back and never ask for anything (except Advice) so it stuns me someone could be so kind in return. My wife and I both cried tears of joy today cause Misty will be back with us again. Just in a different way. Upon the news, I could think clearly for the first time in 2 days.

Thank you all so much


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## Lisa T (Sep 3, 2010)

So sorry for your loss of Misty, losing a pet is the hardest pain. Your news on her cremation is so comforting for you, I wish you peace. x


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## Lupita's mom (Dec 31, 2012)

I am so sorry for your loss. As everyone else has said, it is ok to feel as you do and you will work through it. So glad you were rescued by your facebook friend and Misty is coming back to you. Breathe, your other 2 are there for you! Let them help you through this!. (and they need you to help them through the loss of Misty too!). 

It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are. - Anonymous


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Thank You everyone for your kind words.

Misty is back with us today. I have her in Cold Storage as I cant get to the place until Monday. My friend had buried her on his Property Fri Morning. He went to unbury her this am and found the hole had been dug up and Misty lying nearby. She is FULLY intact though and my wife and I just said she wanted out in the sun to Sun Bathe (she LOVED to lay in the sun).

Having her back though, makes me feel better like I can get some closure. Still a bit tough but easier to manage. Thank you all for your kind advice. My Chug comes running like a Highball express when I get Teary Eyed and she does her best to comfort me.


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## Jayda (Jun 15, 2012)

Remember her with all the love you have expressed in this post always. Think about how lucky you are to have a dog that had such an impact on you. Time will heal although I know that is very tough to see right now.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Jayda said:


> . Think about how lucky you are to have a dog that had such an impact on you.


Never thought if it that way...Thank You. She was from a litter from my Parents Chihuahuas and the second I saw her I knew I had to have her. Kinda like a soul mate type deal lol.


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Misty was a very beautiful little dog. It sounds like she had a great life with you and was very loved. Like others said, losing a pet is so hard, what you're feeling is normal. They're an important part of our lives and leave a big hole once they're gone. I lost a chi last year and both me and my boyfriend found it very difficult to get through it as we loved her more than anything. Just reading your message made me remember how I felt after I lost her, I was completely broken for a while... but as painful as it is right now, things will get easier over time.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

I LOVE your picture of Lilo and Rocky! And thank you for the kind words.

Small Update: 

Yesterday I was really feeling the blues cause obviously Misty was just outside in a cooler trying to stay cool. And it weighed heavily on me.

Today we dropped her off. I had her in a small cooler on my shoulder and the Lady to recieve her started to walk to my car and I was like she's right here lol. She laughed and said O a small doggy!

Anyways I dropped her off. They will do Paw Prints, Nose print, and seal some of her hair. They were instructed cost is no object. I did however turn down the Urn. we found an absolutely PERFECT container in a Goodwill. I am sanding it down today to Re-Varnish, re-felt the bottom, and mount the Pictures (up to 5). it has a divided area so we can place her harness on one side and her ashes on the other. I'll post a picture when everythings done.

Thank You everyone for the extremely helpful advice. Today I can think of her and not cry finally. Her Sister Patches on the other hand just hit depressed mode late last night. She is barely eating but we are showering her with lot's of attention.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

I'm concerned about Patches now. She ate a single Vienna Sausage and she wasn't even happy about doing that. She hardly leaves Misty's Blanket. Is there any cures I can do or just wait this out?

When Misty was a year old Patches was born and Misty would visit when the parents would let her so Patches has been around Misty her entire life except for one day when Misty had to spend the night at the vet. I did read it takes a couple weeks for Patches to grieve. Should I wash the Blanket and get rid of "Misty Smell" or should I let her just stay with it?


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## ChiChiLove (Feb 4, 2013)

Dogs grieve just like people. Let Patches spend time on Misty's blanket if she wants to. Trying to wash it may upset Patches even more, as she suddenly won't be able to smell Misty there. Try to keep everything as normal for Patches as possible - same walks, meal times, etc. The normalcy will help a lot. Gentle encouragement for eating is great, but try not to coddle her too much. Treat her as you always have. Stability is really important right now. 

Also, your plans for Misty's urn sound beautiful. It's lovely that you found something that suits Misty. Customizing it will truly celebrate her life with you. ❤



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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Thank You. We left the blanket for now. Smells like dog pee cause Misty couldn't control herself on her final day but we'll make do.

Misty's new home is done:

This is the day we bought it from Goodwill. Wife didn't get an open shot but it had a green felt bottom and scratched up pretty good inside









I took it apart, sanded it, reglued it together.


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## ChiChiLove (Feb 4, 2013)

That is absolutely beautiful. You did such a wonderful job cleaning it up! I love the pictures on the lid... What a great way to celebrate Misty's life. 


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## Alula (Feb 3, 2013)

What a lovely idea for her final home, and I agree, you did such a great job bringing it to its best again


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

ChiChiLove said:


> That is absolutely beautiful. You did such a wonderful job cleaning it up! I love the pictures on the lid... What a great way to celebrate Misty's life.
> 
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App



Thank You! The bottom right one with my wife was taken about 4 minutes before she left us.


Patches showed great improvement last night. She came with me to the Kitchen for the first time since Misty's departed. She would usually follow 'dad' to the kitchen for a late snack for the last 2-3 years. Usually I Open the bedroom door and she was off the bed and ahead of me before I could take two steps. last 3-4 days she wouldn't leave the blanket. Last night, while not her usually quick self, she did come with me. She even ate some Roast Beef I gave her.

Thank You Everyone for your kind words and advice and helping me with this tragedy in our lives. For those of you who are of the faith, God Bless You and for those who are not Thank You again for the guidance


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## susan davis (Mar 25, 2011)

You did such a GREAT job on that final resting place. Good job on spotting a box that really looked kinda grungy, and making it beautiful. A real make over! 

I'd second the motion on giiving patches some time. I have 3 dogs, and they just accept the passing of another one! Don't seem to grieve at all. I guess each dog is different.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

ChiChi Love:

I'm sorry I must confess I laugh a little inside cause your Handle reminds me of a funny incident.

YEARS ago we have 3 chihuahuas: Chico, ChiChi, and Cookie. 

My Dad grew to be great friends with one of his Employee's who was of Mexican Decent. Funny GREAT guy.

Anyways the first time he came over I was hollering for the dogs...He jerked his face in my direction and with a half laugh he asked "What did you call her??"

I replied "ChiChi"

He started laughing and replied "Do you have any idea what ChiChi means in Spanish"

"No...."

"It's slang for Breasts....."


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

It's not easy and only time will help. We unexpectedly lost our almost 12 y.o. male, Bizkit, on March 24th {found out Sunday night that he was sick and he passed away 24 hours later}. Can't remember the last time we cried so much but there's nothing wrong with that and you have to do it -- it's how you go through the grieving process. I am so sorry for your loss but I promise it will get better with time. Misty was adorable.


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## AC/DC Fan (Sep 15, 2010)

Locruid said:


> Thank You. We left the blanket for now. Smells like dog pee cause Misty couldn't control herself on her final day but we'll make do.
> 
> Misty's new home is done:
> 
> ...


What a beautiful, awesome job you did!!


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## ChiChiLove (Feb 4, 2013)

Locruid said:


> ChiChi Love:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh my! Lol! I had no idea! I guess it must be Mexican slang. My bf is Columbian and has never mentioned this! 😳


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## zellko (Jul 3, 2013)

Sending prayers and hugs your way. There are so many of us out here who know no words to comfort you, but are thinking of you and are hearts are sad with your news.


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## woodard2009 (Aug 4, 2010)

Aww!! I just saw this post now. I don't believe there's a person on here that hasn't lost a special chi or most of us. You have to go on and remember all the good times and the love she gave you. Know that she is smiling down upon you and wanting you to be happy. The loss of that special chi takes time to get over and you truly never really get over it, but you do find a way to go on. I praise you for sharing your deep felt emotions as this tells me you are human and I wish more men/people could be that in touch with their emotions. Be strong and keep sharing that special love you have for animals with your other pets. I promise that it will get easier. She was a beautiful fur baby.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

woodard2009 said:


> Aww!! I just saw this post now. I don't believe there's a person on here that hasn't lost a special chi or most of us. You have to go on and remember all the good times and the love she gave you. Know that she is smiling down upon you and wanting you to be happy. The loss of that special chi takes time to get over and you truly never really get over it, but you do find a way to go on. I praise you for sharing your deep felt emotions as this tells me you are human and I wish more men/people could be that in touch with their emotions. Be strong and keep sharing that special love you have for animals with your other pets. I promise that it will get easier. She was a beautiful fur baby.


Thank You so much. Yesterday I was able to sleep without a sleeping pill and today I was able to continue the entire day without a tear. I got sad a time or 2 but that's normal.

It feels like I lost a soul partner


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Well I lied. ALMOST made it to sleep without dwelling on her. Thanks for the support though everyone!


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## motherdear (Jan 15, 2014)

Only time will lessen the pain of your loss. My beloved poodle of nearly 17yrs passed away in November 2013. I adopted my first chi exactly one month after her passing & was given a rescue a few months after that so I now have 2 chi's. I still miss my poodle & still shed a tear or two but, I too have her ashes & a paw print so she is here with us & the new kids. Every now & then one of the girls will do something that my poodle used to do so , I know her spirit is here stirring the pot as I know she would.


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## Dave (Aug 28, 2008)

Locruid

As a fellow Male on the forum here, I completly know how you feel. We have 3 Chi's. Im more of the worrier for things that havent even happened. I look at the three of them and cant imagine the day when the number goes to 2 and to 1. I shouldnt be thinking about it because they are all healthy and young but I know that one day I have to face it. We lost our cat of 15 years and I was a complete mess. Nobody can say how long it will take you to feel better and their isn't a timetable on it. The simple fact of the matter is, you lost a part of your family. That's hard to get over. For a long time I always thought I could see our cat, I would look one way and think I saw her out of the corner of my eye. Time does heal and you will feel better and the sadness will turn to smiles and you will cherish the time she was here with you. No other dog can replace her, she was unique and that is what makes them special. So keep your head up, think of the great love she gave you and when you need to take the time to be sad or close the door and have a cry, do it. As guys, its like we are programmed not to loose our emotions like that but I call Bull on that. Do what you need to in order to feel better. I'm also sure everyone has said she is in a better place and happy and I am sure that is true. We have them for a limited amount of time but you will see her again. All the best to you and your family


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

TYVM Dave for your kind words. And you're right lol. I've seen her in the corner of my eyes from time to time. or reach up on the pillow to pet her to find her not there. I think the hardest I had to deal with: Over the last couple years on Phenobarbital, she lost most of ther teeth. but My gosh, she LOVE her Vienna Sausage treats. I'd open a can about once every 3-5 days. Bella usually go the 3rd since she's bigger but then decided to give Misty the 3rd since most her teeth were gone. Anyways, the hardest ting was opening that can and expecting that little broken-on-birth tail to be FLYING waiting for her special treat. She would go absolute bananas over them

Going on a week and a half now and it IS better. I still ger sad from time to time but as long as I keep her in my memories, she'll never truly die.


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## Yoshismom (Jul 6, 2005)

I am so sorry. RIP sweetie


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

I think everyone here can see and feel how much you and your family love Misty. I was very glad to read that you were able to have her near you, and especially for the kindness you were shown. May the person who did that selfless act have the happiness you felt, every day. 

You did a beautiful job with the pictures, such devotion! 

It is a terrible thing losing pets, which are not just petw, they are our children. Time will not heal all wounds but make it easier to push through. 

I had a wonderful male dog a years ago, who some monster, who I hope is suffering through life now, poisoned my boy. He was found dead in front of the house by my brother. I felt as someone had ripped my heart out when I found out and it took a very long time for me to not look at a picture without sobbing...

A few months later I would gulp back the tears. Then after a while, it became a happy thing. I would see a video of my huge dog being ridden like a horse by my then two-year-old daughter. She would be squealing with delight and he would be going really slow so as to not knock her off and would look at the camera as if to say "the things I do to entertain this kid" And I laugh now watching those clips. 

Eventually through the sadness, I feel joy that I was so lucky to have such a wonderfully patient and good dog like that in my life, even for a short time. It is still painful but the memories are always there and most of them are happy ones. It comes slowly, you will be smiling too.

I wish strength to you and your family.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Thank you everyone once again. Misty comes home for her Final Resting place tomorrow! I cant wait. I know she's physically gone but having her ashes home will feel like she's still here....know what I mean? lol

I'm able to sleep now without Sleeping pills and I dont cry anymore. I get teary eyed but as everyone who supported me said, it happens.

As long as I remember her she will never be gone.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Hi again everyone. She's home.
They did nose print, paw prints, and clipped some hair.

I actually became more saddened when she arrived but inside I did feel closure. I finished her resting place. Thank You once again for your wonderful support.



















THis is part of what I posted on my Facebook and I'd like to share with you all:

Thank You God for never giving up on me, reminding me that I had lost my path and for allowing my Wife and I to share life with Misty.

And most of all to 2 others:
Candie Manson, my wife. Thank you for being by my side in this troubled time. Thank You for the love and joy you gave to Misty and myself and for the strength to continue on.
And Misty.....thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life. Thank you for the unconditional love and happiness these last 10 years. And Thank You for allowing me to be a part of yours. I shall forever miss you, as you were special to me. Sleep Well, Middy Middy....Sleep Well.


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## susan davis (Mar 25, 2011)

such a beautiful facebook post.


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## lulu'smom (Jan 4, 2012)

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I saw this when you posted, and thought I replied, but I don't know what happened--don't see it. As so many others have said, we identify because so many of us have felt that terrible pain of losing a beloved pet. Because we identify, I hope that we can offer you the small comfort of knowing that you are not alone. I'm glad to see that it is getting a bit better. The case you redid to keep Misty's remains in is just absolutely beautiful. I don't know how you could have chosen anything to memorialize her any better. Peace to you.


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## jenniferny (Dec 20, 2013)

*RIP Misty*



Locruid said:


> First a little about myself:
> 
> I'm a 43 yr old male. Happily Married 18 yrs. My Kids:
> 
> ...


I am so sorry to hear of your loss. 
When I lost Jesse, about a week later a friend encouraged me to start searching petfinder and save a dog using a pet rescue. Within a week or so I found two brothers, chihuahua/miniature pinscher mix, that had been abused for their first two years. After looking and looking, I kept going back to them. I drove to a meet and greet with them. They were very afraid and did not want to come near me. I brought a pocketful of Orijen Dry Dog Food. I started rolling pieces toward them one at a time. In a short while they started to approach and sniff the food, but would always move away. Next one of them ate one piece. Soon all the pieces I had rolled were gone and they were starting to come closer to get more food and eventually would take it from my hand. 

I ended up taking them home with me. 

A month later I learned that my Shadow had cancer and I lost her very quickly. 

Jesse was 13 1/2, and Shadow was almost 17 when they crossed the Rainbow Bridge. We had 13 GREAT years together!!

Looking at all the dogs on petfinder and reading their stories, at least for me, was a great help. I do not know how I would have made it through losing my second companion if I did not have Bacon & Rascal there. 

Rascal is VERY intuitive, he can sense my mood changes every time. He always comes over to me when he does and gives me lots and lots of kisses until he senses my mood get better. Bacon is like my Shadow was. Bacon is at my side night and day, while Rascal is very independent. 

Having Bacon & Rascal helped me so very much during the period when I lost Jesse and Shadow. I can not picture how I would have made it through without them.

Jesse and Shadow were mother/daughter.
Bacon & Rascal are brothers from the same litter.
I always seem to find them in pairs of some kind.

While I still miss Jesse and Shadow very much, I still have two fur children to keep me company and see that my life is never boring!!!

It is different for everyone, but this is what helped me get through the worst of my grief.

Jesse and Shadow are still here with me, and I know that one day we will be together again. I do not think a day goes by that I do not think of them and shed a tear or two, even after 2 years.



Remember all of the good and happy times that you had with Misty. Misty is now in heaven where there is no pain or suffering, only peace, love and happiness. Misty will be watching over you and your family until it is your time to join her sometime in the future when you will all be together once again.

Sincerely,


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## coco_little_bear (May 30, 2012)

I love the resting place you made for her and that you have her nose and paw print. I so wish I had thought of that when my little Coco died. I know what you mean about her ashes making it feel she's still there with you. We didn't keep our Coco's ashes because my boyfriend didn't want to, it hurt him too much... but I kept little things like some of her hair and all her puppy teeth and those things help me feel like there's still a little bit of her around. But you're right, as long as we remember them they will never be completely gone, in a way.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

So today I think I finally made peace with myself.

I have gotten better with time and I do get sad on occasion but it's a "happy" sad if you know what I mean. So anyways I'm talking with my wife about whether or not we made the right decision on putting her out instead of waiting to see what happened overnight. Here's how the conversation pretty much went:

Me: Dunno, maybe we should have waited
Wife: Hon, you know she was suffering. I mean 21 seizures in an 18 hour period. She was hurting
Me: Yea, but the Vet said it just might be locked in a cycle
Wife: I don't think so I think the stroke pretty much did it
Me: Yea but I cant be sure
Wife: Yes you can just like I am
Me: How?
Wife:
1. Remember how she didnt even lok at you when you asked to her if she wanted to go bye bye? Right there is one good indication. She ALWAYS wanted to go bye bye even when she was sick that one time and 2: Remember when I gave her to Jeremy so he could ease her pain?
Me: Yea
Wife: What did she do?
Me: Nothing, she just laid down in his arms
Wife: Exactly
Me: I dont follow
Wife: When have you EVER known Misty to just flop down in our kid's arms much less someone who visits on occasion? Seriously dear, I put her in his arms and she laid right down and wanted to go to sleep. She has NEVER done that with our close friends much less Jeremy (He comes by once in awhile).

And then it occurred to me. She's right. Misty, in her 10 years, NEVER laid in anyone's arms but mine. She'd lie in the wife's only if I was driving but other than that she was constantly with me and didnt want to be around others. But that night the second my wife passed her over she laid in his arms. He also mentioned she laid in his lap to his house moving only when she had a seizure. She was always a cautious dog. She'd go up and greet you but wouldn't let you pick her up. I knew in my mind we did the right thing, but only today I now KNOW in my heart.


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## Dave (Aug 28, 2008)

Locruid, you did the right thing. You are only second guessing because you want to take some of the responsibility. Its normal but 18 seizures in a row?..Not having her react to you normally?, those are the gentle gestures they can give us. You have remembered her in a really awesome way and that dog is with you now forever. Keep on the path my friend!!


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Thanks Dave. 

After reading some of my posts I got to thinking. People might think I let her suffer with that many seizures. But we had been in contact with our Vet all day from about 10am up until 7ish pm and doing what he had instructed (double the meds/Valium/etc). I finally just gave up trying about 7ish and made the decision. We just had to wait until 9 for a friend who got off work who was willing to end her suffering peacefully and humanely.

But you're right I was second guessing myself. And of course being selfish which isn't right to her either. I just miss my dog, lol.


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## Locruid (Apr 28, 2014)

Jennifer,

Thank You so much for sharing your story. Growing up I had 2 Chihuahuas, Chico and Chi Chi. And I didnt take their deaths near as hard as I have with Misty.

But I also think the reason for that is because I have grown (I lost them when I was 24), have a family and have changed my thinking processes to the point of Empathy. In short...I grew up lol. But with the loss of Misty I feel the loss of those 2 a bit more than I did in the past.


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## BellaLina's Mom (Mar 16, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss of Misty. She knew you loved her very much and you were the best Daddy for her. We understand about losing our furkids - it is heart breaking. You will never forget Misty who has a special place in your heart forever. Bella, Lina and I are sending hugs to you and your family. 

*I Only Wanted You*

They say memories are golden 
Well maybe that is true. 
I never wanted memories, 
I only wanted you. 

A million times I needed you, 
A million times I cried. 
If love alone could have saved you 
You never would have died. 

In life I loved you dearly, 
In death I love you still. 
In my heart you hold a place 
No one could ever fill. 

Author Unknown

Rest in peace sweet Misty...


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## AnnHelen (Nov 29, 2010)

I'm so sorry for you LOSS.....this seems so horrible to me, my worst nightmare...and sadly I don't think there is a cure for us...we just have to live in pain from our lost loves...if I lost my Baby I don't know what I would do.. Wish you all the best....just try to live and don't rush..XOXO and RIP beautiful girl <3


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## jenniferny (Dec 20, 2013)

Locruid said:


> Jennifer,
> 
> Thank You so much for sharing your story. Growing up I had 2 Chihuahuas, Chico and Chi Chi. And I didnt take their deaths near as hard as I have with Misty.
> 
> But I also think the reason for that is because I have grown (I lost them when I was 24), have a family and have changed my thinking processes to the point of Empathy. In short...I grew up lol. But with the loss of Misty I feel the loss of those 2 a bit more than I did in the past.


I have posted "A Dogs Plea" in a few other threads. This one also helped me during the time when I lost my two companions in 2012. I hope that in some small way it will help you too.


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