# I have really huge new to share and need advice



## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

I've been married for 7 years and been with my husband for a total of 10 years all together. He has a 13 year old from a previous marriage. I get along great with his ex and have a wonderful relationship with his daughter. I always wanted a baby, and he was not too keen on the idea just cause of money issues and he's getting older(he thinks), he's 43 and the main thing it's just a huge responsibility he thought he's been through it already. Anyway I didn't think I could get pregnant cause it's been so long since we been together and we were never really careful. But he thinks we were, for a while I was on the pill and then went off it. He says every now and then I never even see you take it and bet you're not even on it. He then drops the subject and acts pretty much as if he doesn't care one way or the other. Well I just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 38 now. I'm happy, it something I've always wanted. For a while I gave up on the idea and decided my dogs would be my babies which they are and always will be. BUT now I'm scared to death to tell my husband. Lately he's had the weight of the world on his shoulders and this is huge. His work has been slow and we just make ends meet month to to month. We work together actually, which we both enjoy. He's in sales and I'm a receptionist. We met outside of work and then he got me in the company, we've both worked here for about 7 years together. When we were first together I used to beg him for a baby and he didn't even want to discuss it. One day he said well if it happens it happens. So I just figured I'd have to make it happen. I'm really happy, but super scared of the stress it will put on him and how he will react to the news. He always tell the guys at work how lucky he is to have met me and they tell him the same. We really do have a great relationship, now I feel like I will have the complete picture. My pets a great husband and a baby finally. I don't even know how to tell him. Especially with work being kind of slow. He's very negative and I'm super postive and always believe things work out. I know with childcare my mom will help out while I'm at work, so that base is covered. And I do have disability insurance so I can take plenty of time off once I have it. Now how do I tell him??? I love him to death and feel like I'm now tearing his world in two. I know he will be worried he will no longer be the center of my world, which he will be along with another. I'm feeling very guilty too. I should have just said months ago I wasn't being careful and leave it at that. Cause I think he still would have still taken risks. Cause even when I wasn't on it , we weren't careful. Advice please.


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## Guest (Mar 28, 2008)

two choices, either tell a few teeeny fibs (ie you were taking the pill but forgot a few here and there)

Or come clean

It sounds like you have a great strong loving relationship, the perfect foundations for bringing a child into the world. You obviously really wanted a baby, and it seems he didnt mind either way if he was saying if it happens it happens.

A friend of mine sent her hubby a card saying Happy fathers day, and when he said But it isnt fathers day and I'm not a father, she said NO but you will be soon!! (It took him a while to get it, but I kinda liked the idea)

I dont have kids, so cant comment too much I guess.

You'll probalby find if you keep it from him much longer you'll suddenly blurt it out at a time you didnt want to. Either that or morning sickness might kick in and he might notice!

Personally I feel you should tell him sooner rather than later, you'll be getting a bit stressed worrying when to tell him and what he will think etc, which isnt good for you or the baby.

One last thing to say


CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope the pregnancy and birth all go well, and I bet deep down inside you cant wait to tell your husband, family and friends. ANd if he says he is too old remind him of the 64 year old who became a father!

Good luck telling him.


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## DlTobin (May 15, 2007)

well I can say if you ever wait till...you have the right job.....money blah blah you will be waiting forever because some times you get it in your head there is never enough...funny huh?
Anyway as long as there is love that is what is important ...I say a candle lite dinner is in his future to break the news.......
AND YEAH YOU I am glad your happy a now plan a wonderful evening and tell him! And remember what I said .....you can never have enough and even if you think you can plan the perfect plan you cant....just breath and enjoy the moment!


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## kimmiek915 (Oct 4, 2005)

First of all, congrats! I'd say come clean and just have a heart to heart chat with your hubby. He is your hubby afterall, so he should be able to handle whatever you have to tell him. And it's a baby. That's a really wonderful and special thing. I think you'll know when the time is right. Just go with your gut instinct and do what you feel is right, but I think coming clean is the best option. Good luck!


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## chi baby (Feb 24, 2008)

congratulations and good luck im sure he will be as pleased as you are !


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## Chigang (May 15, 2007)

WOW congrats, I say come clean with him.


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## Maleighchi (Jan 6, 2008)

Congrats!! A baby is so special! I wish you the best of luck!


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## freedomchis (Jul 28, 2007)

congratulations 
i would definally come clean 
my sister wanted another after her first and planned getting preganant without her partners knowlegde this happened twice so she now has three 3 the first was planned by both of them the other two was only planed by her (and she had a miscarriage in between the 2nd and 3rd baby)
but hes alright about it now as he loves all three children dearly 
but coming clean to your hubby is the best thing to do as they always find out if you have been fibbing


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## pompom (Oct 1, 2007)

Wow congrats 
i say you should tell him, having a secret from someone special is the worst thing ever!


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## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

Thanks for all your support. I'm at work still, crazy here. Hubby has the day off, he off on Fridays. I'll try and find a good time to tell him soon.


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## Ivy's mom (Feb 15, 2008)

OOOOOHHHHHH......congrats!!!!!!!!! Come clean. I'm sure he will come around to the idea anyway. More than likely he has thought about it himself. I mean come on,even the pill isn't 100% safe!!!!!!! Keep us updated.....I'm thrilled for you. BTW I had my first at 37 and my last at 43! And lovin' every second!!!!!!

Lori


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## tazruby (Jan 2, 2006)

i would come clean. Iam sure he will be excited about the baby. He probably already has a idea that you may be pregnant. A child is the MOST wonderful gift anyone can recieve.


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## BellaLina's Mom (Mar 16, 2007)

Congratulations! I agree with everyone, come clean and tell your husband the truth. A baby is a celebration of joy and a wonderful gift.


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## Pauline Leland (Oct 9, 2006)

Yes, tell him as soon as possible. Our 2nd child was due to my getting careless about the pill, too, and my husband spotted my pregnancy before I was sure! So yours may have a hunch. Remember, birth control isn't just the wife's responsibility. Two was enough for my DH, so he got a vasectomy.

Congratulations.


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## ~*Jessie*~ (Aug 8, 2007)

I agree with everyone else- you should definitely come clean. If you hide this behind his back and the truth ends up coming up in the future, it could definitely cause some hostility.

If you've wanted to have kids and he didn't, why didn't you talk to him about it? You shouldn't have to lie about taking birth control to get pregnant on purpose. So many divorces are caused over one spouse wanting children and the other not.

I took a couple of psychology of women classes, and one of the main subjects in these classes is pregnancy and its effect on marriage. I remember reading a story about a woman who really really wanted a baby but her husband didn't. She faked taking birth control as well, and he ended up getting really upset when he found out she was pregnant. He blamed her for not "protecting" herself and ended up not having any part in raising their child. Definitely caused a lot of tension and issues in their marriage. The basic point was that couples need to be on the same page when it comes to wanting/not wanting a family. 

I do agree that birthcontrol is the responsibility of both partners, but it is also not fair for someone to lie to their husband and say they were on the pill when they weren't. 

Good luck. I do agree that a baby is a wonderful gift, and hopefully he will share in your joy!


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## Kobe's Momma (Feb 16, 2008)

CONGRATULATIONS!! Such exciting news! I don't have kids yet (I want like 10 lol) But I can't imagine he would be anything but excited also! He might feel a little overwhelmed but I'm sure it will all melt away when he can start seeing your belly grow. Aww pregnancy is such a miracle. YOUR SO LUCKY! lol


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## Prosephone (Oct 2, 2005)

I am so happy for you! (and just a wee bit jealous too)

Find something that the two of you enjoy doing together and give him something baby related that goes along with the hobby. A friend of mine and her hubby are huge Harley Davidson enthusiasts. A baby was far from in their plans, however things happen... They took a cruise into the country one day and when they got home she handed him a little box and said "I love you and riding more than anything in this world. But recently I discovered something that I think we are going to love so much more than our bikes, and then she gave him a Harley baby shirt in a box. He was shocked as hell, but after 2 minutes he was already making plans to decorate a nursery!

Ultimately, all you need is love. And what is a better expression of your love than a baby! Like everyone says, if we all waited till the right time to have a baby the human race would go extinct! Leave out the sticky details, there is no need telling him. After all the pill is not 100% effective. If he really was adamant about not having kids he would have gotten a vasectomy!


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## Milo 07 (Feb 3, 2008)

HEYYYYYYYYYYYY CONGRATSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just tell him...don't worry things always work out and its not like you are 13, dropping outa school and have no jobs!!!! Be proud....most times having kids is great...lol....seriously tho it will be fine! I work with children and their families and theres many families who are not exactly "prepared(money wise)" and they are just fine, yes things are tight but really thats how it was before the baby came!
We decided to only have one child, then 7 years after my first along came my second...we were both shocked....but a happy shocked too, because we didn't use any protection at all!!! Things worked out and its all good...i sure it will be for you too!!! 
Good luck and let us know who it works out


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## Pookypeds (Jun 20, 2006)

I'm much older than all of you, and this may be a generation gap thing......but why keep something this joyful and natural from your husband??!!:scratch: He's your husband, not a one-night stand!:love3: A baby is something to be joyously happy about:binky: ....it shouldn't be a secret or something to be afraid to tell anyone about! Plus you've been married several years. There is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. There's always something that may not be "perfect". I have actually never heard of anyone afraid to tell their husband that they are pregnant, so this is a first. :headbang: You should tell him.....it's his too, you know! All my kids were born when we were poor, or at least when there was very little money. Money shouldn't be the main concern......


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## Trace (Feb 20, 2008)

Congratulations! Did you tell your hubby yet??  I'm sure he will be happy about it once the initial shock wears off.. I hope the pregnancy goes well and you have a happy, healthy little one. :love5:


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## kellie (Jan 22, 2008)

Congradulations!! I hope it all goes well for you!!


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## Milo 07 (Feb 3, 2008)

Welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
How'are things going???? Did you tell yet? I was more nervous to tell my parents when we had our 1st child...only becasue we weren't married, but had dated for 6yrs!!! 
Hopes all going well for you guys!


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## Angela (Feb 11, 2008)

Everything happens for a reason! You definitely need to come clean. He may be upset at first but I would say he will come around. Congrats on your pregnancy!! Keep us posted.


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## Harley Ridin Chopper (Nov 8, 2007)

Just checking in to see how it went. I am keeping you and your situation in my prayers ((hugs)) I wanted to tell you congradulations also.


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## Prosephone (Oct 2, 2005)

just checking in too!


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## BellaLina's Mom (Mar 16, 2007)

Me three!


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## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

Everything turned out fine. I waited to tell my husband because his job was in jeopardy. Once he found out everything with work was fine I let him know. He reacted very well, had a huge smile. He said I know it's something you always wanted and you do deserve it. He said too now we will have a real family and it's good for both of us. Then he started stressing about the money, but told me just to ignore him and that he is happy, just scared.
Today I go back to the Doctor for an ultrasound, can't wait. Sorry to keep you all in suspence!


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## Trace (Feb 20, 2008)

Aww, congratulations! That's wonderful for you two.. I wish you all the best, a happy and healthy pregnancy, and a beautiful healthy little baby.. can't wait to see the little one when he/she comes into the world. 

Are you going to find out the sex, or be surprised?


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## *Tricia* (Dec 1, 2007)

That's great Rebecca! I'm so glad it's out in the open now so you can both enjoy this wonderful time!!


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## Katie (Apr 9, 2005)

Congratulations on the pregnancy! I'm glad your husband took it well  Let us know how the ultrasound goes :binky:


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## ria (May 22, 2007)

I am really happy for you and your husband,


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## Maleighchi (Jan 6, 2008)

I am so happy for you!!! :cheer: Let us know how the ultrasound goes!


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## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

My ultra sound went well. A little sad though. I had two in me and one of them had no heartbeat. But luckily the other one is doing well and has a terriffic heartbeat. Thursday I have another more advanced ultrasound. I'm 38 and they said since I'm over 35 I need to be monitored more closely. I feel old after they said that. I have no health issues and I'm in great shape. So hopefully everything will be fine. I'm at 8 weeks 6 days now.


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## Ivy's mom (Feb 15, 2008)

REBECCA said:


> My ultra sound went well. A little sad though. I had two in me and one of them had no heartbeat. But luckily the other one is doing well and has a terriffic heartbeat. Thursday I have another more advanced ultrasound. I'm 38 and they said since I'm over 35 I need to be monitored more closely. I feel old after they said that.  I have no health issues and I'm in great shape. So hopefully everything will be fine. I'm at 8 weeks 6 days now.


Sooo sorry, but there was a reason for the loss of the little one.Keep positive thought with the other, I'm sure it will be just fine. My girlfriend had the same thing happen to her, and she had her little boy just fine. YOur not old, but the risk of complications are just higher with age. I know, I had my 1st at 37 and my last at 43. I had great pregnancies with all, so don't worry. They will just monitor you more closely is all, which they should. There are TONS of women your age having babies  CONGRATS girl. SOoo happy for you 

Lori


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## SinaBChis (Feb 23, 2008)

Congrats! I'm so glad everything worked out! Sorry to here about the one baby, but as said before things happen for a reason!!! Good luck!


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## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

Thanks Lori for sharing your thoughts, that makes me feel better.


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## Trace (Feb 20, 2008)

Aww, I'm sorry to hear about the sad news.  

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well, best wishes to you and your family.

Are you going to find out the sex, or would you rather be surprised?


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## REBECCA (Nov 11, 2005)

I will ask to find out the sex, that way I can pick out some cute clothes and decorate the babies room. 
Still can't believe it two chis and a baby, the perfect family.


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## Trace (Feb 20, 2008)

How exciting!!  

I have to confess, lately I've been getting a bit maternal myself. don't tell my boyfriend though.. lol Not that I want a baby NOW because i'm only 24 and still want to finish school and travel before I settle down but when I see a pregnant woman or someone with a baby I'm like.. aww i want one! But then I think of the sleepless nights and dirty diapers and think.. uh, ok I can wait a few more years. :lol: haha


Again, congratulations to you and your hubby.


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## melonypersians (Jan 3, 2008)

awww congrats on the baby and i am sorry for your loss of the other one. but as said before things happen for a reason. good luck and keep us posted. post some pics of the ultrasounds too if you can. lol.


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## talented79 (Jan 30, 2008)

Aww, congratulations! That's wonderful for you two.. I wish you all the best, a happy and healthy pregnancy and i am sorry for your loss of the other one. but as said before things happen for a reason


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