# I am so tired....



## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Please tell me there is something I can do about Kahlua's whining? I haven't had a decent friggen night sleep since we adopted her. Hubby either! He is cranky, I am cranky, Bailey is cranky.... heck, even the cats are cranky! 

She isn't screaming much anymore, but her whining is SO LOUD, and she howls too. She doesn't "get it" that no one is taking her out of her crate when its bed time.... and so she carries on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on....... around 3 or 4 am, she is shrieking and howling at full volume (at least she isn't SCREAMING) and she won't stop until at least 6 or 7 am, then just as you are falling to sleep, she is howling and whining again and now its around 8 or 9. Hubby gets all grumbly, gets in the shower and then leaves for the day. I am all grumbly, get in the shower and then have to go about my day with her STILL whining and carrying on. Its very grating on the nervs... its starting to wear Rob and I out.

If she was an infant, that would be one thing... they have REASONS most times that you can fix, (besides they will GROW UP and get over it).... she doesn't, unless its being held. I just can't hold her 24/7 and if I did, I think it would make night time even more traumatic for all of us. 

We have tried night lights, leaving the tv on for white noise (we don't have any stations, thanks God for Hulu!) we have tried leaving a fan on, covering her, uncovering her, moving her to the bedroom, getting her completely worn out before bed, we have tried leaving a radio on for her... nothing is working and we are all exhausted. I can't put her with Bailey, she eats his poop and she pees on her blankets, so I don't want his all peed on. Don't even get me started on her potty training issues.... :foxes15::foxes15::foxes15:

PLEASE HELP ME! Rob wants to take her back to the rescue.... the lack of sleep is effecting his work performance.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Could you have her in your bed with you? I think I read that you are heavy sleepers normally but you get used to having them there and they won't get hurt. I slept with two in my bed for 13 years.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Does Bailey sleep in a crate? You could put the two next to eachother so she can see him and is close to him for comfort. She wouldn't be able to get to him because she'd be in her crate but she'd see him and hear him and that might make her feel better.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

She isn't potty trained, not even close. We don't have a rubber sheet for the bed and don't want to roll around in her excrement. Besides, we are both rather large people and she is a very tiny dog.... I don't think it would be wise for her to be in the bed with us. We have tried that with Bailey, neither Rob or I sleep when Bailey is with us because any time anyone moves we are wide awake and checking for the dog. Again, not a restful sleep. 

Her crate is next to Bailey's. Nothing soothes her except me....


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

and putting her crate next to your bed didn't work either?


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I'm just thinking of anything here but if you can only soothe her what about a tape of your voice or something like that?


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## msmadison (Jul 6, 2009)

have you tried putting something of yours in the pen so she can smell you? I'm sure you have, but just thought i'd throw it out there!


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

I have two suggestions...

1. Put her crate beside your side of the bed at night so you can dangle your arms off and she can see/smell/feel you beside her. Tell her HUSH if she starts in. 

2. If that doesn't work, and you are thinking of sending her back to rescue, then that calls for desperate measures. Put her crate in a room as far from your bedroom as possible. On the other side of the house, maybe in a bathroom or somewhere where you can shut the door. As far away from your bedroom as possible. Then shut your door, turn on a loud fan and put the radio on low in your room to muffle any noise you might here. Put a radio on low for Kahlua and shut the door. Her shrieks won't be as loud and you can get some rest. 

Surely she will stop that soon? I've never heard of a puppy that cried every single night for this long. Usually it's just a couple of nights and then they adjust. 

Good luck and keep us posted. I know we'd all hate to see you send her back to rescue!!! 

Brodysmom


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Yeah we put her right next to the bed, she whined louder. I've not thought of the tape... will try that. Ms, I hadn't thought of that!! I will do that tonight!


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Brodysmom said:


> I have two suggestions...
> 
> 1. Put her crate beside your side of the bed at night so you can dangle your arms off and she can see/smell/feel you beside her. Tell her HUSH if she starts in.
> 
> ...


Yeah that's a good idea. I have the fan on in my room and it drowns out a lot of noise.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Thanks hun, we have done that already... she can be heard all the way across the house. When she is by the bed, she is louder and more panicked because I am there, but not holding her.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

We have 2 fans in the bedroom... loud fans.... I need the noise to sleep and the cooling effect... no matter if its winter. LOL


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Yeah if you can put a top you've worn that smells of you in with her and if you could make a tape or something with your soothing voice on it and stick that on that may work. It's worth a try. I really feel for you, I know you don't want to give up on her but lack of sleep is terrible.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

* Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * said:


> We have 2 fans in the bedroom... loud fans.... I need the noise to sleep and the cooling effect... no matter if its winter. LOL


You're the same as me. I can't sleep without mine on.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

I will try the shirt and the tape. I have to find a recorder, I don't know if we have one. My night shirt was going to be washed today, but I'll give it to her tonight... I hope she doesn't pee on it. LOL


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

* Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * said:


> I will try the shirt and the tape. I have to find a recorder, I don't know if we have one. My night shirt was going to be washed today, but I'll give it to her tonight... I hope she doesn't pee on it. LOL


Yeah I was thinking you may not have a recorder. Do you have a video camera?


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

I really feel for you I do. I'm just trying to think of anything to try to soothe her.


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## msmadison (Jul 6, 2009)

hey, peeing on it is better than having to give your little girl away!


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## Krista (Dec 29, 2005)

Misha was the same way, it was terrible ... she can really shriek. I couldn't put up with it though, not even close, so I took her out and now she sleeps in bed with me -_- Sometimes she pees in bed though and that's really annoying, but I can't stand the noise :S But she wouldn't stop lol ... she would just scream and scream, I never heard anything like it. For hours, all night ... no end until she's let out. So sorry I don't have much ideas on getting her to stop cuz I couldn't get mine to either


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

You could also consult with your vet and see if they have a mild tranquilizer that might help her get through the night. It would just be temporary until she can outgrow this stage and learn to sleep on her own.

Does she only do it at night? If you crate her during the day when you're there does she do it? It's separation anxiety, I think. If she does it during the day, you can do behavior modification to help her learn to stop screaming when she's left alone.

Brodysmom


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

I've never heard of one crying for so long at night either. So I can't really be of much help. I do know that they will sometime go on as long as a week or so with the crying at night. Hmmm, everyone has given every suggestion for night time woes that I can think of. I always put one of my worn shirts in bed with mine when they were younger and in a play pen at night. Hopefully that will help.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Brodysmom said:


> You could also consult with your vet and see if they have a mild tranquilizer that might help her get through the night. It would just be temporary until she can outgrow this stage and learn to sleep on her own.
> 
> Does she only do it at night? If you crate her during the day when you're there does she do it? It's separation anxiety, I think. If she does it during the day, you can do behavior modification to help her learn to stop screaming when she's left alone.
> 
> Brodysmom


I will call him and see what we can do for her. No, the whining/shrieking isn't only at night... its when ever I have LEFT her sight. Even for a second... I leave her sight, she FREAKS OUT. I can't go to the bathroom, take a shower, make a meal, work on my etching ... ANYTHING!

She sleeps fine in her crate during the day, like right now. She is charging up for her whine-capades later tonight. If I got up and went to leave the room, she would be wide awake and whining her head off. I love her so much, but this is really getting ridiculous! Being with Bailey when I leave the room, (I've put her in his crate so I could take a shower) it didn't help one bit and ended up with him mad at me. *sighs* 

What can we do for "behavior modification"?


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## Adrienne (Apr 3, 2009)

Ear Plugs!  I am sorry you are having so much trouble with her  I agree with Brodys mom with the mild tranquilizer I had to ask my vet for one of thoughs for Ava when we had to go in the car because of her constant whining .


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

Kim, I'm getting ready to walk out the door but didn't want to leave you hanging..... google "dog separation anxiety" and you will find a ton of websites talking about this problem and different behavior modifications for it. 

One other thing I thought of was the plug in or diffuser calming sprays. You can spray it on her bedding before she goes to sleep or put her crate next to a plug in with the scent and it will calm her. Also there are some drops called bachs rescue remedy that you can use that will also make her feel calm. 

Gotta hurry, I'm late!! 

Brodysmom


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## catz4m8z (Aug 28, 2008)

As a last resort there is always the tough love option. Whenever she starts to whine, go to her squirt with a water pistol and shout 'No!'. then leave, only come back to fuss her if she is quiet for a while.
Sounds harsh, especially for a rescue chi, but if you take her back with this habit intact she could just end up getting bounced around various rescues.

I think I would try to distance myself a little and only reward good behaviour even if it meant no cuddles for a while. Unlike people dogs dont hold grudges and if a pack member did this to the leader they would soon be held down/snapped at til they stopped. I made a habit of not fussing/talking to mine when I went out/got back or left the room so they wouldnt associate it with a worrying occurence.

Ive seen the water approach work on 'Dog Borstal' anyway! Granted that was a cup full of water, but that may drown your chi!!LOL


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## rebel_yell (Mar 24, 2008)

All the old "tried and true" methods have already been mentioned (and tried by you of course!). If it were me, I'd say it was defo time to have a talk with the vet...really explain what's going on and how badly it's affecting your household. Kahlua may be one of those dogs who truly does need maintenance medication, I don't know, but I'd really go ahead with a sit down with your vet. I'm so sorry about all that you are going through


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## lakeshorechihuahuas (Sep 24, 2008)

Could you put her in the crate with Bailey and use an old towel or blanket that could be washed everyday. You could have two blankets or towels that you didn't mind getting soiled and wash one a day. You might have to bath them more but at least you could get some sleep. Just an idea


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## pigeonsheep (Nov 8, 2008)

ear plugs do wonders  i have a rolly chair next to my bed. he likes to sleep in it when i roll over to hiss side while im sleeping lol. im a roller when i sleep. i put a comfy blaket some toys and his bullystick on the chair as well


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## Krista (Dec 29, 2005)

Oh maybe you could try one of those heated beanie things, I used to do that for Yoshi, you microwave it and then she will snuggle with it ... and if you have one of those radios that plays different sounds a lot of dogs are calmed by the heartbeat sound. So warm snuggly plus heartbeat ... could maybe help.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

We have done the soothing spray, even soaking all of her bedding with it (we let it try before she was put in there) and that is what made the screaming stop. But it doesn't really calm her. I will search the separation anxiety stuff. Thanks!

Catz, I've squirted her... she licked it off and whines as she shakes violently.. so I can't do that.  As for distancing her, I don't hold her much because of her separation issues. It makes it worse when I have to put her down. I limit my cuddles with her, which I hate doing because she is such a cuddle bug. Bailey is too but I have to limit my cuddle time for Bailey because Kahlua freaks out and bashes herself into anything she is by until I will pick her up. The girl has issues.... it breaks my heart! 

Lake, Bailey really hates when she is in his crate. He gets very annoyed and does a lot of growling, its _his_ place and she plays with _his_ special toys and eats out if _his_ bowls... he doesn't share well. He is very spoiled... but we are working on it!

Pigeon, I don't know that hubby will accept ear plugs as an answer. Besides, he likes to be able to hear what is going on in the house... you know, to listen for break ins.

Krista, I haven't tried the warm thing, but doubt she will use it. The second you put her in the crate, she jumps into her litter box and does all of her whining from there. She wouldn't find the warm thing until it was cold. I am on the hunt for a heart beat thing...

I would just kill for a REAL night sleep right now. LOL


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## Tanna (Jan 29, 2009)

I think she needs medication. I would try that before giving her back to the shelter. As said before someone else will adpot her and the problems will continue. I would hate for someone to be mean to her, poor little girl.


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

What about putting her crate ON your bed? Like at the bottom of the bed? Or maybe in between you? Then she will be in the bed with you, and unsquishable. That might comfort her enough to stop crying.

I did read a study that melatonin has been used for separation anxiety issues in dogs and does a good job. You could talk to your vet about dosage, etc. And that medicine is super cheap and found in every pharmacy, you don't need a prescription.

Brodysmom


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

God it really sounds as if you have tried everything. I would see your vet next about this and see what they can do. It's a long shot but have you thought about contacting the show the Dog Whisperer? He works wonders.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 28, 2008)

Wow, you have tried it all? Maybe consider sedatives....for hubby and you!!

My only other suggestion is increase the exercise, either a couple of hours of walks a day or if hot a couple of hours on a treadmill. Built up slowly and try to prevent too many naps during the day. Maybe tire her out so she is forced to sleep at night??


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## katsrevenge (Nov 24, 2008)

catz4m8z said:


> Wow, you have tried it all? Maybe consider sedatives....for hubby and you!!
> 
> My only other suggestion is increase the exercise, either a couple of hours of walks a day or if hot a couple of hours on a treadmill. Built up slowly and try to prevent too many naps during the day. Maybe tire her out so she is forced to sleep at night??



Yeah, just wear her little butt out. It is an idea!! 

I found these links:
http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_care/o...g_behavior_tip_sheets/separation_anxiety.html

http://www.metpet.com/Reference/Dogs/Training/separation_anxiety_in_dogs.htm

http://www.petlibrary.co.uk/1/separation-anxiety-in-dogs-how-to-treat-it/

If you can stay calm I think you can beat it. Of course, staying calm can be HARD. :hug:


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## Aquarius (May 8, 2009)

Are you really thinking of giving her back??

She's had a traumatic time - her first home (which obviously wasn't good),the rescue home, then yours, then losing her sister, then going to your grandfathers and then back to your house - all in a couple of weeks.

She will settle, she just needs time


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## Deme (Aug 18, 2009)

I guess all the moving back and forth is what has contributed to the seperation anxiety.

I haven't really anything to add to what has already been said.

All I can say is in a few weeks a lot has happened and it must be so scarey. Now that fear has escalated and the fear of being alone is intense. Fear, insecurity, lack of confidence... all aseccts that need building on and take time.

Try if you can every possible suggested and even the vet for help and advice. I know this may seem silly / harsh to some but if this were a human baby would you get rid because the baby cried al night for months. (My cousin as a baby had colic and cried every day and night for months sending my aunty crazy but with help she got through it)

I really do hope you find the breakthrough and have a great future together.

Cheers

Deme x


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

No, we aren't really thinking about giving her back which is why I am asking for HELP! Rob mentioned that we might have to, because if he keeps going to work tired, he will get fired! We both love this little girl, but something has to get her to stop the whining!!! I guess I am not really making it clear how this is effecting everyone here, its not just Rob and I. ALL the animals are suffering and tired. Bailey, Gus and Lucie all have changes in behaviors... EVERYONE is cranky because we are not sleeping. This is nothing like a human baby, I've dealt with colicky babies.... this is worse! I can deal with baby crying, I can't deal with a dog shrinking like its being beaten to death!

I am sorry, I don't mean to upset anyone here, but we are just both exhausted and don't know what to do. We CAN'T let Kahlua effect Rob's job... but the lack of sleep is taking its toll on him, his stress level and his health. If it was just a few hours a day, or a couple hours at night it would be different, but the girl whines and shrieks 22/7 ... with a 2 hour nap during the day to "recharge". 

I called the vet, he wanted me to call him back tomorrow. He was really busy today. I hope he can give us something to calm her.


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## Yatak (May 11, 2009)

My first dog - American Cocker Spaniel had a bad separation anxiety when we would leave for the day. It took him 2 years to stop howling and whining for hours after we were gone each day. He got used to it. He would still greet us frantically, till he was old, but you need to ignore them for a while till they calm down. It all just takes time.

As for her not being able to sleep alone, I think all advices given above are good, but just need time to work. Milou also has a slight anxiety disorder, although she is getting much better now. At first she also was following me everywhere like a tail: shower, toilet and would sit and whine outside of the shower when I am in. It just got better with time (she has been with us for 3 months now). 

She also does not like sleeping on her own. She would not sleep in her kennel nor in her bed from day one. When I decided to trick her and put her bed on my bed, she just curled up around my neck very quickly and I was completely in love (could not say no to her since). However as time moved on and she grew, she now prefers to sleep in her little bed (which is still on my bed), rather than on me. I think that having a bed in my bed gives a bit of a buffer between me and her, whilst we still are close to each other.

As for peeing - she did it a couple of times on the bed, and I took her to the place and put her there, pointing to what she did and saying that this is not good (important thing is that she needs to understand what are you referring to and that it is not good). I don't know how effective is this for others, but it has worked for me so far. She has not done it since. Anyways, an egg should not be teaching the chicken, I am sure you know much more about potty training then me, Kim... just have more hope, give her more time and she will come around. I promise!


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## Mandy (Jan 16, 2009)

> 1. Put her crate beside your side of the bed at night so you can dangle your arms off and she can see/smell/feel you beside her. Tell her HUSH if she starts in.


i had this problem with romeo and it was disturbing my other 2 so i done this what tracey suggested and it worked for me 
thank god as i dont sleep well as it is so cant cope with not getting the little bit of sleep i can

this worked great for me xxx


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## Yatak (May 11, 2009)

If you still do not want to put her in your bed, then maybe do put her in a different room and get a pair of earplugs as it was suggested before.... and maybe a burglar alarm to help your hubby sleep at night without a worry. =)


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## Aquarius (May 8, 2009)

Ah that's great she's not going back - I really think just loads of cuddles, time and quiet will settle her in.

Just make her so comfortable - as mentioned above the heat pads, her favourite chew toy, your t shirt, a full tummy, the crate beside you etc.

I know Bruno doesn't settle at night unless he has Biggles sleeping beside his crate. The rest of the day the two cuddle up in one tiny bed - it would be worth a bit of extra washing if they settled together.

I think she is just afraid of losing you - she has had so many disappointments in her short life - she obviously loves you so much and doesn't want you to disappear!! So it's all about reassurance.

I really hope it works out for you!


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## lakeshorechihuahuas (Sep 24, 2008)

Kim, it sounds like you are trying everything that you can. I don't think giving her sedatives is a good choice, JMO. We had a little dog that I got for my daughter when she was 12. She was a sweet, wonderful dog but she needed A LOT of attention that we couldn't give her. She didn't like our other dog and tried to totally dominate him. We had her for 5 years and tolerated her not being able to get along. I would have kept her forever because I made that commentment. My cousin and I were talking one night at a family get together and she didn't have a dog. She liked and wanted Maddy, so I decided to let her take her with the understanding that if it didn't work she would come back to me. It was the best thing I ever did. Maddy is the queen of their house (she has 4 daughters) and much happier than she was with us, sharing our attention, the food, etc, especially with our other dog. They actually let Maddy take the ring down at one of the daughters wedding a few weeks ago. I am just saying that she may be the kind of dog that needs to be in a home where she is the only dog and the center of attention. If you decide to and can find her that kind of home, like I found Maddy there is nothing to feel bad about in re-homing her. I don't know if anyone remembers my little Pearl that was George's puppy. I was planning on keeping her. I ended up letting my daughter's best friend have her because she was wanting a dog so bad and had never had a dog and thought Pearl was the prettiest thing she had ever seen. Pearl is treated like a princess and I get weekly report's on her progress and get to keep her when she comes home from school. Sometimes the best thing is not what we want but what is best for the dog. I feel the 2 times I have re-homed a dog it turned out to be the best thing for them, even though it was hard for me to do. I am not saying you are at this point yet, but if you do decide that you need to re-home her it's ok because you will find her a loving home because you love her.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Lake, thank you for that. I really don't want to re-home her, but I have wondered if she needs to have a person that can devote every waking second on her. I just can't, I have lots of things I do during the day, I can't be constantly holding and carrying her all over the place. I'd love to be able to give her all my time, but then I also have Bailey, Gus, Lucie and BunBun that need attention too. She FREAKS if others get attention.

Its so strange how a little 2.5 pound dog can demand soooo much! lol Re-homing her will be the *LAST *resort, I am going to try the other things I've not tried yet. Please pray that something works...


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## lakeshorechihuahuas (Sep 24, 2008)

Kim, I don't think your there yet ether. Keep trying everything you can. It's not an easy thing to do, I cried my eyes out for days. I was just wanting you to know that if it comes to that it can turn out to be a good thing. Now you would have to kill me to get to my George, Arlee or Chloe but we are a fit and everyone is happy. Life is to short to not be happy for you or for Kahlua. I will keep you in my prayers and hope she settles in .


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Oh Kim, I thought this had settled down. I'm so sorry I haven't kept up with this thread the way I should have. Is it getting any better? I'm going to go against every single person's advice and just say, I would put her in bed with me. I couldn't take it and I would rather wash my sheets every day if she goes potty, and be able to calm and reassure her. I don't think it will take long but she needs security at this point. I'm all about tough love, I've done it with my kids and pets, but if you have truly tried everything, I would stop all food and water after 8 oclock and just have her with me. Good luck and please keep us posted.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

I've looked up lots of info on Separation Anxiety.... I've done just about everything on the list, other then taking her on long walks. 1) She hasn't had all her shots. 2) She doesn't have a harness yet. 3) She probably won't walk anyway. But we will try this as soon as we can get her in for her shots.

I've done everything else the sites have suggested, pretty consistently. Right now, at this very second.. she is sitting on the floor WHINING at me. I feel horrible that I don't just swoop her up and love on her, but everything I've been reading about her whining problem has said no to "reward" the whining. I haven't "rewarded" her crying in over 2 weeks now.. its NOT getting better, the only improvment is that she isn't screaming. 

Robin, we absolutely can't sleep with her in the bed. Believe me when I say this, we tried with Bailey... neither Rob or I got ANY sleep for those nights. We are trying to find a way to sleep the whole night, and having tiny little Kahlua in bed is not going to make that happen. Besides, its not the sheets I am worried about as they can be washed, but we have a very expensive, custom mattress that I don't want to have steam cleaned every day! I can't buy rubber sheets because my skin is sensitive and rubber sheets will make both of us sweat, the idea of itchy rashes doesn't appeal to me.

Not to mention, she then "wins" and gets rewarded for her whining and then thinks she is the head dog. Besides, she won't learn anything about being dependant and will make other situations worse. All the things I've read confirm this. I am at a loss, I thought there would be more info about separation anxiety, things we hadn't tried yet... all there is left is meds it seems. UGH, I am so tired and I just don't know what to do.

I will do some of the suggestions that you guys mentioned. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, someone mentioned having the crate on the bed.... the crate takes up all the leg room that we would have. I am 5'11 and he is 6'1 ... so we need our leg room!


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Just remember, you can read everything in the world and it doesn't mean it will work for your baby. She came from crazy situations and maybe "tough" love isn't the way to go. JMO, but I would start trying new things if this isn't working. My kids are both different and I discipline them differently. What works for one never works for the other one. Let your maternal instincts take over and do what you feel is right for her. Foster children are often not parented the way "our" children are. They come from different situations and need different love and they learn differently. I have firsthand experience with this. Good luck but conventional training doesn't work for everybody!!!


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

Robin, I agree 100%. I think Kahlua is extra special because of the situation she came from and it's not her fault she is insecure. Just like an abused little child. It's going to take some extra loving to get her through this tough time of adjustment! Hang in there Kim!

Brodysmom


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## jazzman (Apr 8, 2009)

I bought a sort of liner when I bought my mattress.
I can't remember the exact details or brand name, but it is waterproof
with a soft cover over the top.

You put your sheets over that. Since we have dogs, the salesman recommended it, as any signs of spills or pee would void the warrenty.
I do not notice it being there at all.

Mateo was the same way when we brought him home.
We bought him a baby's play pen, thinking he'd sleep in there.
I think he spent a total of 2 hours in it !

He whined relentlessly. Despite what I'd read, and against my better judgement, we brought him into the bed. He stopped whining. He was occasionally hyper when first laying down ( for the first few weeks ) but he settled in.

It stopped the whining, we got to sleep, and eventually, he grew confident
enough that he sometimes chooses to sleep on the couch, even if I want him in the bed !

My experience goes against what I"ve read, but was based on what my
gut told me. He was a baby, his whole life was spent around his siblings,
and now he was alone, confused, and frightened.
He grew out of if fairly quickly, and dare I say it was a more healthy response
to the problem in his case ( maybe not in all cases ).

Good luck ! I hope it works out for you.


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## rebel_yell (Mar 24, 2008)

I've really been thinking about this and after reading through this thread again, I can most definitely see how helpless you must feel in all this.
I don't know the specifics of Kahlua's background, but from reading your old threads, I assume it was a bad situation. So I'm wondering, have you talked to the rescue about what's going on with her? How are her littermates faring? Can the rescue point you toward some resources on dealing with a dog with her issues?

I read an article that doesn't completely focus on Kahlua's situation -- as she is still so young and not necessarily in as bad of shape as the dogs they are writing about are--but it did touch on some things that might be helpful for you: http://www.anewstartonlife.com/puppymill.htm

I think it was Robin who mentioned that we all do what we have to do when it comes to our fur kids. I agree and I'll admit, I did not crate Bruce after he spent the first night wailing. I stayed up late every night and waited til he was tucked into his bed on the sofa before I went to sleep and then I kept my fingers crossed that he wouldn't pee everywhere. I also considered using a sling with him for a time; when I first brought him home his sep. anxiety was tremendous. I put Lola in an ex pen for her first couple of months for sleep and when we were away. Granted, Lola is better trained today than Bruce, but I did what I felt I had to do and what worked for us. My point is that there are no hard and fast rules and no one person can say what is best and what is the right way etc...

And if your vet does try her on meds, it doesn't necessarily mean that she'll need them forever. I can see that you are trying every option that you can think of and that's all you can do. Hugs to you and all of your furries.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Thanks eveyone... I am just trying to do the best thing for her. I am lost, I don't know what to do. I know all about child abuse, believe me... I am a mental, physical and sexual abuse survivor. I understand she was abused and came from a bad situation, but like all the sites and Bailey's trainer says... if you give in, it will make things worse. Part of me thinks... how the heck can they get worse.... 

I just don't know what to do. She has been whining for 2 hours now and I am sitting here in tears because I am so tired, I am so frustrated. This is nothing like a human baby crying all night, I might not be a parent, but I've raised a couple babies for my friend when she was going through health problems. 

I am sorry to whine about this, I'll just deal with it somehow.


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## BeckyLa (Feb 18, 2009)

I just know people will hate me for saying this...

I don't know your situation, but if your car is in the garage take her in her crate and put her in the car and shut the door, shut the garage door and every door between her and your bedroom and get some sleep. Then see your vet tomorrow about tranquilizers for her and look around for a good behaviorist who can help work these things out. Like you said, if you give in she will get worse so all you can do is to put her out, so to speak, to show her who is alpha. imho.


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## katsrevenge (Nov 24, 2008)

Maybe not in the car.. but the garage or basement..? I'm just thinking of the heat.

And we are all pulling for you! I'm no good at cheerleadering... but .. you get the idea!


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## Deme (Aug 18, 2009)

I think my aunty would disagee with you regards babies and colic,  my cousin cried so much that he hardly even ate, it was literally 24/7 apart form the few times he wore himself out and slept for a brief time. Even when held he never stopped crying unlike a puppy will.

However I know that's not the issue here and it must be so hard for you and it makes me appreiciate Jake all the more.
If he cries and jumps to be on my knee I ignore him and when he settles or sits quietly then I let him on my lap.

It must be both worrying, tiring and frustrating having tried so many things and still she cries for you. On a positive note she must love you so much and thats lovely.

You are teaching me good things as though I would be happy to carry Jake everywhere I go and pick him up every time he looks at me I'd be setting myself up for trouble. So reading about your little girl helps me to be firmer and stick to principles.

Where's Ceaser Milan ... I love that guy.

I truely hope the vet can help you and that very soon peace is restored.

Deme x


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## Deme (Aug 18, 2009)

PS just to add, don't apologise for whining, your not and the thing is no matter what we think we can never imagine how hard this is for you all, humans and animals.

Deme x


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## nicholeb5 (May 3, 2005)

Honestly, you need to get out of the frame of mind that she is just another puppy, I think any rescue and especially any puppy mill survivor comes with a lot of baggage. She is not Bailey and may require different treatment for the rest of her life. She doesn’t need tough love right now she needs love and security. I think the fact that she has bonded with you so closely is wonderful (some dogs never bond), she loves you and needs to develop trust. From what you have said about her since she came to you, it sounds like you are the first person that she has been able to trust and if you continue with letting her cry it out I don’t think it will ever solve your problem. This could take several months or longer before she becomes anything like a “normal” dog.

My suggestion would be to give in and hold her as much as possible, get a baby sling, you can buy one or there are many online sites that will tell you how to make one with just a sheet. Carry her around as much as possible. Take her with you everywhere, if you absolutely can’t take her, have someone to stay with her, husband, friend. You need to think of her as a special needs child that will need constant care for a while, at least. 
Does she tolerate her crate? What about if you sit nearby perhaps giving her treats thru the bars? If she does then if you have to leave her alone, put her in it and make sure that it only has enough room for her bed, she may still potty and poop in it, this is all she knows, you will just have to do more laundry. If she is worse in her crate, then do not put her in the crate, secure her in a small area.

Now onto the night, if you absolutely can’t have her in bed with you, I would get a small carrier to enclose her and put it between your pillows or even hang it by your heads by the strap or something to keep her close to you. To get her used to the carrier, try taking her out with you in it, feeding her special treats, etc. 

You said the other pets are having a hard time as well, my brutally honest opinion is they have to deal with it. Bailey is a big brother now and anyone who has younger siblings knows that when a new baby comes along everything changes. If they get mad they will get over it, they still love you, I think every kid tells their parents at least once that they hate them and we all know that is not true. The sooner you get a handle on this situation the sooner you get back to a “normal” life!!

Once she becomes more secure, you can slowly start to work on desensitization to being alone for longer periods.

I would also get her a harness and get her out walking, the stimulation will make her even more tired than just walking. As long as you keep her from any dog messes, away from stray dogs and keep her on sidewalks the minor health risk I think will be better than risking having to give her up. Even if you have to drive to get to a small park or something. 

I would talk to the rescue and/or vet as well and find out if she has had any blood work done, she may have some underlying medical condition that is troubling her. Consulting a behavior specialist is a good idea as well. One that works with rescue dogs would be ideal.

Here is some desensitization techniques but again it could take months before you start using these.

*Desensitization Techniques*


The primary treatment for more severe cases of separation anxiety is a systematic process of getting your dog used to being alone. You must teach your dog to remain calm during "practice" departures and short absences. We recommend the following procedure:

Begin by engaging in your normal departure activities (getting your keys, putting on your coat), then sit back down. Repeat this step until your dog shows no distress in response to your activities. 
Next, engage in your normal departure activities _and_ go to the door and open it, then sit back down. 
Next, step outside the door, leaving the door open, then return. 
Finally, step outside, close the door, then immediately return. Slowly get your dog accustomed to being alone with the door closed between you for several seconds. 
Proceed very gradually from step to step, repeating each step until your dog shows no signs of distress. The number of repetitions will vary depending on the severity of the problem. If at any time in this process your actions produce an anxiety response in your dog, you've proceeded too fast. Return to an earlier step in the process and practice this step until the dog shows no distress response, then proceed to the next step. 
Once your dog is tolerating your being on the other side of the door for several seconds, begin short-duration absences. This step involves giving the dog a verbal cue (for example, "I'll be back"), leaving, and then returning within a minute. Your return must be low-key: Either ignore your dog or greet him quietly and calmly. If he shows no signs of distress, repeat the exercise. If he appears anxious, wait until he relaxes to repeat the exercise. Gradually increase the length of time you're gone. 
Practice as many absences as possible that last less than ten minutes. You can do many departures within one session if your dog relaxes sufficiently between departures. You should also scatter practice departures and short-duration absences throughout the day. 
Once your dog can handle short absences (30 to 90 minutes), he'll usually be able to handle longer intervals alone and you won't have to repeat this process every time you are planning a longer absence. The hard part is at the beginning, but the job gets easier as you go along. Nevertheless, you must go slowly at first. How long it takes to condition your dog to being alone depends on the severity of his problem.


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## Aquarius (May 8, 2009)

nicholeb5 said:


> Honestly, you need to get out of the frame of mind that she is just another puppy, I think any rescue and especially any puppy mill survivor comes with a lot of baggage. She is not Bailey and may require different treatment for the rest of her life. She doesn’t need tough love right now she needs love and security


Nichole you have hit the nail on the head with that line.


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## Brodysmom (Jan 8, 2009)

nicholeb5 said:


> Honestly, you need to get out of the frame of mind that she is just another puppy, I think any rescue and especially any puppy mill survivor comes with a lot of baggage. She is not Bailey and may require different treatment for the rest of her life. She doesn’t need tough love right now she needs love and security. I think the fact that she has bonded with you so closely is wonderful (some dogs never bond), she loves you and needs to develop trust. From what you have said about her since she came to you, it sounds like you are the first person that she has been able to trust and if you continue with letting her cry it out I don’t think it will ever solve your problem. This could take several months or longer before she becomes anything like a “normal” dog.
> 
> My suggestion would be to give in and hold her as much as possible, get a baby sling, you can buy one or there are many online sites that will tell you how to make one with just a sheet. Carry her around as much as possible. Take her with you everywhere, if you absolutely can’t take her, have someone to stay with her, husband, friend. You need to think of her as a special needs child that will need constant care for a while, at least.
> Does she tolerate her crate? What about if you sit nearby perhaps giving her treats thru the bars? If she does then if you have to leave her alone, put her in it and make sure that it only has enough room for her bed, she may still potty and poop in it, this is all she knows, you will just have to do more laundry. If she is worse in her crate, then do not put her in the crate, secure her in a small area.
> ...


This is an AWESOME post and PERFECT advice!!! THANKS so much for posting this Nichole. Kim, print this out and read it over and over. Have your hubby read it. It really is excellent.

brodysmom


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## barefoot (Sep 24, 2008)

Wanted to pass on some hope.

When we got Pippa she had severe seperation anxiety. Before we got her she had been locked in a shop in a crate by herself in the dark for a week. I think this triggered the seperation anxiety. Apparentlly she was fine and housetrained before this. 

First off I didn't help her by babying her. I was in love and carried and treated her like an actual baby. She was my answer to the maternal cravings for a human baby. 

But as Cesar says she is a dog and needed to be excersised and disiplined before affection.

We started with leaving the room for 10 minutes and worked up to an hour. It was a slow process and work , but it did work. Even if you have to start at 1 minute.
I also tried to project that energy that Cesar talks about. Taught her to go away from me. Kinda walk into her and shuuu her away with my body language. Look stern and say Ahhh. She eventaully learned to go lay in her bed and stay. These were stepping stones to actually leaving her in the house.

You know it really really worked. Resently I had a situation where I had to leave the dogs for 12 hours. They did have access to potty. 
Pippa did great. No messes in the house.

One piece of advise I thought was really good. When I returned to the room or home I ignored her for about 10 minutes. This was hard because my two human boys love to get her excited and howling. 

I thought our seperation anxiety issue was forever and that we would always have to deal with it.
But now Pippa is confident to stay home alone. She ususally has the company of my older dog. But if not she is still ok.
I really was sceptical of that long process they talk about of leaving 10 minutes then 15min , etc. 
I did work.
My advice is to hang in there and get tough with her. You have had some awesome good advice.
If you can't project the energy then perhaps use the water bottle
Cesar say the shaking is them just trying to process. He actually says it is a good sign. 
I know we humanize them and think we are hurting their feelings, but we aren't. They respect leadership more than cuddles. That is what they want to be confident puppies.
NOt that I don't like cuddles. Pippa is still my baby now and she is sooo loved and babied. But in the right order. We have the leadership, discipline stuff first.
Take care and hang in there.


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## MarieUkxx (May 19, 2009)

Ok so I went to Cesar's website and tried to send him a message. they have a section where you can ask him a question. I basically wrote an email begging for advice, anything for this little dog and directed him to this thread. But for some reason it won't accept my message and keeps saying error. Please can someone else have a go at emailing him.

It's a long shot but it's worth a try.


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## catz4m8z (Aug 28, 2008)

Hmm, not sure Id agree with carrying her everywhere with you not unless you are prepared to do that for the rest of her life.
I think often we cave in to them coz they look all cute and forlorn if they dont get their own way, creating little monsters in the process!
All dogs, regardless of size, are much happier if they get consistency with rules and know their place in the pack. It takes alot of stress off their teeny heads...
Although when I first got mine I put them on the bed when tiny. I just kept them in a small cat carrier so I couldnt roll on them if you decide to go that way.
Good luck. I have heard that rescues can take up to 6mths to settle in their new life.


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

Kim, you have been given some of the best advice on this thread. You and Rob have to decide what you are willing to do to acclimate her to her new life. Has Bailey's trainer had rescue experience? If not, I wouldn't take his advice about Kahlua. It's a whole different experience with rescue animals. I've worked with the doxie rescue for years and it's an entirely different mentality than just "behavorial issues". Holding her all the time right now does not mean a life sentence. She needs to know that you guys aren't going to leave her. I know when you fostered her, you had to realize that it wasn't going to be like getting Bailey, right? There is work and a lot of time that goes into these pups. She is young and it won't take long but I would give up any practice of "squirting" her or anything like that. It will just make her fear you. If you can just switch gears in your mind and realize that she can't be trained like Bailey, I think you will be less frustrated. Tons of love and attention and it won't take long. This is not a quick fix. That's why we screen people so deeply before we adopt out our rescue dogs. Good luck and keep us posted!!!


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## rcj1095 (Mar 4, 2009)

nicholeb5 said:


> honestly, you need to get out of the frame of mind that she is just another puppy, i think any rescue and especially any puppy mill survivor comes with a lot of baggage. She is not bailey and may require different treatment for the rest of her life. She doesn’t need tough love right now she needs love and security. I think the fact that she has bonded with you so closely is wonderful (some dogs never bond), she loves you and needs to develop trust. From what you have said about her since she came to you, it sounds like you are the first person that she has been able to trust and if you continue with letting her cry it out i don’t think it will ever solve your problem. This could take several months or longer before she becomes anything like a “normal” dog.
> 
> my suggestion would be to give in and hold her as much as possible, get a baby sling, you can buy one or there are many online sites that will tell you how to make one with just a sheet. Carry her around as much as possible. Take her with you everywhere, if you absolutely can’t take her, have someone to stay with her, husband, friend. You need to think of her as a special needs child that will need constant care for a while, at least.
> does she tolerate her crate? What about if you sit nearby perhaps giving her treats thru the bars? If she does then if you have to leave her alone, put her in it and make sure that it only has enough room for her bed, she may still potty and poop in it, this is all she knows, you will just have to do more laundry. If she is worse in her crate, then do not put her in the crate, secure her in a small area.
> ...


excellent, amazing post!!!


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

catz4m8z said:


> Hmm, not sure Id agree with carrying her everywhere with you not unless you are prepared to do that for the rest of her life.
> I think often we cave in to them coz they look all cute and forlorn if they dont get their own way, creating little monsters in the process!
> All dogs, regardless of size, are much happier if they get consistency with rules and know their place in the pack. It takes alot of stress off their teeny heads...
> Although when I first got mine I put them on the bed when tiny. I just kept them in a small cat carrier so I couldnt roll on them if you decide to go that way.
> Good luck. I have heard that rescues can take up to 6mths to settle in their new life.


That is what I have been taught.... If I give in to her now and carry her everywhere and act like she is a baby, what will make her handle in 3-4 months from now when I stop doing this and now she has to act like a DOG?

I understand what you guys are saying, I do... but I simply can't carry her with me 24/7. Forgive me if that seems cruel or horrible, but I don't want to make this situation worse! Something needs to be set up with her, that will last her life time. Sitting here babying her, carrying her everywhere, that is not going to be a life long thing for her... so I don't understand why I should start getting her used to that lifestyle now. I am sorry if this makes everyone hate me.

When it was her and Socks here, Kahlua didn't act like she does now and the behavior's she had we believed were because of Socks. We honestly thought after Socks was gone, Kahlua would settle in and attach to Bailey and after a couple weeks she would be ok. I understand she has been through a lot, I understand that she sees me as her everything, but I also understand that she is a dog, and that treating her like a baby is only going to set her up for more problems in the future. 

I am calling the vet, I am calling the rescue we will see what I find out.


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## Jacrewsmom (Jul 17, 2009)

You poor sweet girl! I wish I lived close by I would doggysit and encourage you and your hubby to check in to a motel for a good sleep.
This sounds kind of enabling but when my oldest son was a baby we ended up purchasing a special travel bed that fit between us on our bed. This allowed my extra large body to hold and feed him throughout the night without rolling on him. It also allowed us to sleep in between feedings. The bed was a marriage saver because sleep deprivation is a horrible thing. Especially when you don't see an end in site. This might work as it is leak proof to protect your bed and yet you can lay your arm over the barrier and hold her. It was a number of years ago that I got it at "One Step Ahead" online. I'm sure they have it still or at least a similar product for traveling. My heart goes out to you and your hubby. Again, I wish I were close by that I can offer to change houses for a night and let you all get some rest. Hugs, Evie


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## Jacrewsmom (Jul 17, 2009)

You are not being cruel. You are a wonderful person and doing the absolute best you can.


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## zxckelly (Jul 3, 2009)

First of all, I want to say I really admire what you are doing and I think a lot of folks would have given up by now. You must be so very tired...

I wouldn't "give in" to her whining as some suggested, as that is not realistic long term, and will just feed her neediness. At some point she will settle into her new routine and realize that nothing bad is going to happen to her while you're away, and that you are always going to come back. The whining will stop sooner or later, the question is really how much LATER and can you survive it.

Also, exercise will help her more than anything else, the sooner you can get her on a nice long daily walk (a walk of any length will help, but longer is preferred) the better.

Good luck!


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## Jacrewsmom (Jul 17, 2009)

Did you say that she didn't whine when Socks was with you? Is there anyway the Rescue Group will allow you to foster Socks again? Or would that be adding more fuel to your fire. Evie


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

* Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * said:


> We have 2 fans in the bedroom... loud fans.... I need the noise to sleep and the cooling effect... no matter if its winter. LOL


lol I'm the same way Kim, drives Jer nuts!



* Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * said:


> That is what I have been taught.... If I give in to her now and carry her everywhere and act like she is a baby, what will make her handle in 3-4 months from now when I stop doing this and now she has to act like a DOG?
> 
> I understand what you guys are saying, I do... but I simply can't carry her with me 24/7. Forgive me if that seems cruel or horrible, but I don't want to make this situation worse! Something needs to be set up with her, that will last her life time. Sitting here babying her, carrying her everywhere, that is not going to be a life long thing for her... so I don't understand why I should start getting her used to that lifestyle now. I am sorry if this makes everyone hate me.
> 
> ...


I don't know if this has been mentioned, I've been reading through this thread, but there's a lot going on at the house right now. But have you thought of one of those little stuffed animals that mimic the momma's heartbeat? There are little warming pads you can buy for them as well, like those little hands warming packets that hunters use in their gloves, to give off warmth as well as a heartbeat so the pup feels like it's sleeping next to it's mother, or sibling.

Here's a link for a pillow from amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/Petstages-110...1?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1250874317&sr=1-1
These are also sold at petsmart, and some places sell stuffed puppies instead of a pillow.


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## jeanie brown (Jan 5, 2009)

pet corrector have you tried that? or the clicker training ? try rewarding quiet behaviour and ignoring the bad? i dunno lol just thinjking whAt i would do apart from gag or shoot her lol


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## LittleHead (May 20, 2004)

I really have no advice. When I got my first chi, I was never taught about crate training, or simply just putting a dog bed on the floor and making the dog sleep there. I've *always* had my pets in bed with me. I can relate to your bed situation Kim, but I think it works out smoothly for me because I'm the only actual person in there; the girls have the whole other half the bed for space. When each of them were puppies, I was worried about having my big ole belly hurt them, but I guess it sort of worked my way anways since I'm an extremely light sleeper and any time I felt them I'd wake up. 

I'm not a patient person, so if I have a puppy whining, I'd easily give into it. I would say find SOME way to get her on that bed so she can feel closer to you. *But,* you've already stated that you don't want to baby her. 

I would definitely talk with your hubby though and have him read Nicole's post. 

Please keep us updated, obviously, I'm sure you will  I really hope this works out very soon. 

**Hugs**


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## •Tara• (May 29, 2009)

Perhaps the problem is that she is not with Socks. I have seen siblings that have been required to be adopted in pairs before.


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## LittleHead (May 20, 2004)

•Tara• said:


> Perhaps the problem is that she is not with Socks. I have seen siblings that have been required to be adopted in pairs before.


That would've been my first thought too. After Socks was gone, yeah maybe she was fine for a while, but after it triggered in her head that Socks was not coming back, she began her anxiety. 

I know Butter had big anxiety problems until last year. It only happened when my oldest brother would come over and visit, and the second he left, she would not stop whining. I remember one time she whined for 30 minutes. To me, that seemed like forever. Then, I finally got a brain and everytime she would whine, I would distract her. Now, she's fine and it's very rare that she goes ballistic when he leaves.


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## Jerry'sMom (May 5, 2009)

I knew Jerry was going to struggle with Tabitha leaving today. I bought some rawhide sticks and gave him one. It's a new treat to him and it did help calm him. Maybe she needs a special chewie for when it's bedtime... something really great that she ONLY gets at that time. It could be a peanut butter kong; whatever gets her really happy and really busy.


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## Tracilea (Jul 27, 2009)

Wow, what a long post lol Of course I thought I'd toss my two cents worth in this one too. Its worth a shot anyway.

Last time I had Willy at the vets, i was talking to a woman about how Rosa barks alot at people when we go out and she suggested a thing....now forgive me I don't know what its called and had never heard of it before so I can't say what it is exactly....something that sets off some sound when a dog barks/whines to make them stop, that only the dog can hear. She said it can also be worn on yourself to take out with you. But wouldn't it be worth looking into? Ultrasonic something or another...I am gonna try to look it up. I just know it emits a sound when dog bark/whines and they don't like it so they stop. Might take a few nights. And i was thinking, what about a dog whistle to blow when she does it? something to startle her to stop? lol sounds awfully mean, but things seem to be getting worse, and I'm of the same mind with everyone who says don't baby her about it. That will make matters worse I'm sure. Anyone else know what its called?


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## Tracilea (Jul 27, 2009)

Ok, look up ultrasonic dog bark and you'll find info on it there. I would suggest getting a product of this sort and r ight along with it, do some of the advice the other ladies are offering. Putting her crate beside your bed, putting in something with your scent into t he crate and use the ultrasonic product. Between it all I'm sure you'll get a good nights sleep finally lol Just don't baby her by carrying her around and stuff. Maybe too with the ultrasonic you can put her away in her crate and give attention to your other critters without her freaking out cuz she will be away and not see it happening. I think eventually things will get better but she has dealt with alot lately so it might take a bit. Good luck and keep us posted


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## TashaZ (Mar 20, 2009)

I haven't read through all thepages of suggestions as there's so many but i thought i'd share with you what i did with Pebbles. We would cuddle her ont he couch before we went to bed and we'd put the jumper we were wearing in with her so she could smell us. We also left the radio on for her and we put ear plugs in for us HAHA. When it got really bad i was about to buy one of these http://www.alphadogtoys.com/comfort_pal_plush_black_white_puppy_digital_heartbeat.html

But she stopped after awhile (grew out of it). I have a friend who's vet gave her some kind of calming water to give her dog who had problems with seperation anxiety and loud noises like fireworks and thunder, she said it worked great but i've never used anything like that so can't recommend it.

Try the comfort pal toy with heartbeat, it might make her feel as though you're there with her. Otherwise ask your vet for tips, it would be a real shame to have to give her up but i understand the stress it gives you and the toll it takes on work and relationships. Good luck xx


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## nicholeb5 (May 3, 2005)

I just wanted to clarify a few things in my post that a few people have commented on, especially Kim.

First off while I suggest wearing her in a sling as much as possible I DO NOT suggest just picking her up every time she cries or rewarding her for crying, I read my post again and shouldn’t have said give in to her. You need to realize that she is not crying/whining for attention, as in “hey mom look at me”, “pick me up”, she is crying because she is terrified. She has been through so much in her short life. I don’t know her exact circumstances but what I know of puppy mills is that she was most likely kept in a wire cage, slept on the cold wire floor and peed and pooped as needed and then slept in it. She came into a wonderful situation with her sister and everything was wonderful then her sister went away and she went to another house for a while where her people were stressed and she doesn’t know what is up. Before she came to live with you she had probably never been on carpet, slept in a warm house on a bed. All these different things she is experiencing with you are completely different, textures, smells, voices, etc. and can be very stressful to a dog. She is anxious and very scared. Anxiety is a medical condition not a training issue. I think the post on anxiety http://www.chihuahua-people.com/showthread.php?t=43131&highlight=anxiety is exactly what Kahlua would be saying if she could, she can’t post and receive support, her only option is to cry.

The purpose of the sling is to be able to keep her close to you and still allowing you to keep you hands free to do what you need. You want to establish security and trust in her not baby her.

To start out and pick her up without rewarding her: assuming she is crying for you, completely ignore her and sit on the floor and start playing with Bailey or the other animals, if she is crying completely ignore her, do not look at her. Since she wants to be near you she will most likely climb on your lap, if she is still crying/whining let her on your lap but still ignore her until she is quiet, as soon as she is quite, praise her and pick her up and start involving her in the play. When you have to get up make sure you end on a positive note and her not crying and pick her up and put her in the sling. While she is in the sling, kind of ignore her, as in don’t give her treats and baby her you want her to realize that she gets the good stuff when she is QUIET and independent from you!!!

Again I still suggest get her out walking!!! The stimulation for smells and things she sees will help wear her out also I would suggest working on training her, sit, down, and eventually tricks, she is so in tuned to you that I think you will have a great response from her. With the training she will be building her confidence and strengthening your relationship in appropriate ways and again wearing her out.

PS: the desensitization techniques I posted where from a website, not mine. I don’t have it at the moment but can find it if needed.


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## Fern's Mummy (May 26, 2009)

I really feel for you hun  *hugs*
Does she only do this at night time, or is it a daytime thing too? What happens when you put her down (don't hold her) in the day? Does she scream and cry then?

I haven't really got any suggestions for you. I do know however that you must be at your wits end if you're thinking about taking her back. I know how much you love Bailey, it comes across in all your posts about him  so I know you must feel the same way about Kahlua and that taking her back is totally a last resort for you. Even to be feeling/thinking this must be heart breaking for you and I only wish I could help you. However, others have given you some great advice in this thread and I just hope some of it works...
I think the idea of letting her sleep with you guys is a good one but I understand she has to be potty trained first. If you can get this sorted first then maybe try letting her into your bed and see how that goes. I know you said you didn't like the idea because of her being so small but honestly you'd be surprised at how smart they are when it comes to feeling a body about to squish them LOL. They seem to move out the way pretty quickly so I wouldn't worry about that too much. I'd definitely give it a go once she is potty trained. Saying this though you don't want her to become even more attached to you where it makes her worse. Do you think her sleeping in your bed would do this? It's kind of a double-edged sword in that I think it would stop her screaming and crying at the night time if she was in with you guys, but then on the other hand it could possibly make her even more clingy where she doesn't want to leave your side at all, and Gods knows you don't want her screaming and crying all day as well as all night as it's bad enough as it is. Hmmm.... You have said you're at your wits end though so I would give it a go once she is potty trained and see if it works. I suppose it could go either way but you know her best of all so I'm sure you'll know what to do and what is best for her 

Good luck hun. Here's wishing you well


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## msmadison (Jul 6, 2009)

been awhile on this post, has she gotten any better?!?!


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## BeckyLa (Feb 18, 2009)

How is she doing? I hope she it settling in and calming down.


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Things are getting better, had a good talk with the vet and Bailey's trainer. We have Kahlua at a happy medium now, she is coming around to it. Working great! 


Thanks everyone for the advice, sorry I've not been around. Been really busy and our website is doing very well! We are running a special this week, BOGO of any Ala Carte items!


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## msmadison (Jul 6, 2009)

glad to hear things are going better! SOOOO glad. what have you been doing to help calm her?

glad the website is going so well! what's the address?


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## * Bailey & Kahlua's Mom * (Nov 10, 2008)

Thanks! www.pawsomepettreats.com 

We are taking overseas orders, PM me for details!


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## Jacrewsmom (Jul 17, 2009)

We are so glad that things are looking up for you. Are you getting any sleep yet? Evie


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## BABY BABS (Feb 5, 2008)

I hadn't checked this post before now, I'm so sorry things were going so tough for you. I'm glad things are starting to look better. I don't know if you still need them but here are my thoughts: 1. Instead of putting Kahlua in Bailey's, put him in hers. No sharing issues for Bailey. 2. Get some sleep. Find a dog sitter and sleep at a friends or hotel for a night or two. It'll be so much easier to find a solution when you can think straight again. I wish I was closer, I'd sure do that for you. 3. Whenever you pick her up, use the same blanket, pillow, something that becomes an extension of you to her. This may mean not touching her with your own hands for a while. If you can get her to see this item as an extension of you, you can leave it in her kennel with her. She may stay quiet long enough to start praising her for being quiet and calm when you are out of her site. I'm sorry you're going through this, but hang in there, she's just going to be that more special when you get her settled. 

This is going to be a little long but I hope it helps. I want to share with you that I have had a fear/phobia of dentists and needles all my life. I had found every way to avoid those two items that I could. Of course, eventually something came up that I had to have some dental work done. I was missing enough work due to a cavity I had that they were setting up to fire me. I tried two different dentists office in town. Both of which I am banned from returning to because of my behavior. I then found a doctor (3 hours away) that used tranquilizers to calm his nervous patients. I panicked two or three times while trying to call and make an appointment and would hang up crying. When I finally was able to speak with the office long enough to make an appointment, they prescribed their heavier dose of tranquilizers for me. This dose actually started two days before the appointment as they had found that people got too panicky starting days before the appointment. When I was in the appointment the dentist gave me six more doses of the medication before I was calm enough to work on. I cried through the whole appointment. Lucky for me, this dentist truly cares that his patients are able to get the work they need. I continued to see him for other cavities and cleanings. Each time it took less and less of the medication to keep me calm in the chair. It took about two years, but I can now see any dentist and/or receive the shots and blood draws that I need without medications. So, I would recommend using tranquilizers with her. Once she's calmed enough to sleep through the night or allow you out of her sight for short times, she will learn that it's not that bad and she doesn't have to be afraid of being left alone. The medication will force her body and mind to do something that you and she can not make it do for her, which is to be calm. Work with your vet to find a safe level of medication. It's a short term fix that could have long term results. Sorry this was so long, hope it helps.


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## BABY BABS (Feb 5, 2008)

Just thought I'd check in and see how things are going now? Hopefully, still improving.


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