# My new pup Pixie is here... but I feel horrible



## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

My new post was supposed to be a happy one, with pictures full of fun and happiness. My problem is that I'm not happy, I feel just horrible. I cried this morning and last night. This is the third day she is here and I still can't enjoy her. But she's just wonderful, she is so pretty, a cutie and she is even really nice to everyone be it human or other dog. She likes everyone she meets and everyone likes her! Yesterday she started really listening to me, always looking for me what to do next and has accepted the leash just fine. She's just a good, wonderful girl. She is not yet properly housebroken, but she had already been trained and it is only a matter of time when she will get used to her new home. 

I have absolutely no reason not to love her. But all I can do is cry. Is this normal? What's wrong with me? I can say for sure there is nothing wrong with her. She is my first dog, never had one before. She is not a puppy and the shelter estimated her age to be 2 years, maybe less. Is this just the stress and the new situation? I haven't slept too much in the last two days, hadn't eaten properly. I still can't get it why my reaction is so extreme. I don't want to cuddle her and pet her too much. This is what I understand the least. I always loved to pet and cuddle everything furry and enjoyed being close to them. (though I'm not the touchy feely type and hate to hug people I don't know - it took YEARS to really enjoy the hugs of my now best friend and like sitting right next to her).

Have you gone trough something like this? Will it go away?


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Don't panic, it's all extra stress and a first dog is a shock to the system as you don't really realise what hard work a puppy is until you get one! It's like when you have a baby, everybody expects to have this big maternal rush of love as soon as you see it. I was just 17 when I had my first baby and I can remember looking down at her big open wide screaming gob and thinking "what the hell am I supposed to do now and how do I keep this thing quiet?" Lol. 
It's the same with a puppy. You suddenly have this little being that is totally dependant on you for it's every day welfare and it is a shock if you haven't done it before. You will be ok, give it a while and insure you will start to enjoy her. Just don't panic! 


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Sorry, just re-read that and she's not a puppy but the situation is the same, she is still dependant on you. We are all different, not everyone is a touchy-feely person. It's early days. If this has come at a time when you have other stresses in your life then perhaps you are just focusing other worries on to her. 


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Rolo n Buttons said:


> Sorry, just re-read that and she's not a puppy but the situation is the same, she is still dependant on you. We are all different, not everyone is a touchy-feely person. It's early days. If this has come at a time when you have other stresses in your life then perhaps you are just focusing other worries on to her. Give yourself time to bond
> 
> 
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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Mucked that post up, lol. 


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

Dont worry. And its ok to feel this why. And its good you said something instead of keeping it to your self as i did. 
All i can say is give it time. 

When i got Chico he was 8 weeks old. When i saw him for the first time i fell in love with him and next day he was coming home with me. He was not only my first dog but he was my first pet. I never was responsible for anyone but me. And like you im not a touchy feely type too plus im a loner. So now i have an 8 weeks old pup who was flowing me everywhere and wanting kisses and cuddle witch I had no problem giving him. But i couldn't be alone for 1 sec even to go to the bathroom. I thought i did a mistake. 
This feeling didn't go away. But than something happen that i didn't know i was doing witch was learning from Chico. Yes this tiny puppy tote me to go out more, to sit with people longer than 30 min with out looking at the door to leave. To be responsible. And even open up. And lots more over the years. 

Chico came to my life by accident but it was the best accident i could ask for.  He is my best friend and my rock.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

@Rolo n Buttons and @Chico's Mum

Thank you so much! I feel so relieved... I guess the baby blues (be it two or more legs) is nothing people are talking very freely of. So I appreciate it even more that you share your experiences with me! :flower:

@Rolo n Buttons 
I have indeed some stress in my life. Not in my everyday life, but I'm taking a break from school as I am not so sure if I made the right choice. Of course it still lingers in the back of my mind. I thought it would be a good idea to focus on something positive and productive. And as I always wished for a dog.  

@Chico's Mum
She is my first dog, but not my first pet. I had a mouse and waterfrogs. Pratically carefree. I could leave over the weekend, my roomates would check on water and food. So I guess, this doesn't count. 
I have big tendencies to be a loner, too. It comes in phases. Sometimes I'm completely fine not leaving the house for days and not talking to anyone. And at times it's great for me be with my friends every day of the week. (I always tell my friends: I don't like people but I like you) But there a very few people I'm absolutely comfortable with. And I'm less than fond to talk to strangers. The first walk alone with her was a nightmare. It was 7 am and the whole city was out and about (I live on _the_ main street of my city). I had to carry her over the street to the small park to walk her. I suddenly felt to be stared at by everyone. And the other dog owners! Dogs don't care to much about other's dog's thoughts and walk directly over to another. Forcing me to talk to strangers... it was traumatizing. I was so much in fear of the afternoon walk that I couldn't eat. As soon as I went out it I felt so much better, I hadn't to carry her over the street, I was suddenly relaxed and even could chat with too elderly ladies with a yorkie. 

But still, in the night I had a crying fit. That made me think that something is wrong with me. I hope I will learn as much as you learned from your Chico. My Pixie is the complete opposite characterwise. Maybe it's fate?


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## LittleGemma (Apr 1, 2012)

I am so glad I saw this post. Do not worry! Please, listen to me. I went through the SAME thing when I brought home my first Chi puppy. I cried endlessly, had anxiety attacks, couldn't sleep, felt scared, even vomited. I adored her but I was afraid to love her. I think it had something to do with an overwhelming sense of responsibility for another life, but I didn't understand that at the time. After a week I just couldn't bare it and my boyfriend didn't want to see me like that anymore, so we rehomed her to the second person that was on the breeder's waiting list. I felt even MORE horrible after that! I knew I made a mistake because I missed her terribly, and I felt like a total failure giving up. I rushed into getting her way too soon after moving across the world away from my family, and I was just not mentally prepared for that kind of thing yet.

Since I missed her so much, I knew I couldn't live my life without a dog. I moved away from my family where I always grew up with dogs, and we had a little Chihuahua who chose me as her person and master. It was an empty feeling not having a dog in my life. So I took a few months to think about what happened and prepare myself mentally for another dog. Then when I felt 110% ready, we got Gemma, and I felt a little bit of the same anxiety, but I kept telling myself it would pass. And it did, and she is the best thing in my life now. Don't make any rushed decisions like I did the first time. I know the feeling is overwhelming and can literally cause physical illness, but you have to tell yourself that everything is OK and this little girl is going to be a huge, wonderful part of your life. I wish I had found this forum before I got the first puppy, because it was here that I found the support, information, and guidance to prepare me for handling a puppy. I still feel bad about rehoming that puppy, but I have Gemma now, and she is absolutely perfect for me and I think everything has a way of working itself out. But the guilt and feeling of failure still lingers when I think about the other puppy. So try to hang in there. It will only get better. You won't be able to imagine your life without Pixie in a few months.

If you ever just want to talk to someone, my inbox is open.


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

NinaN said:


> @Rolo n Buttons and @Chico's Mum
> 
> Thank you so much! I feel so relieved... I guess the baby blues (be it two or more legs) is nothing people are talking very freely of. So I appreciate it even more that you share your experiences with me! :flower:
> 
> ...


I hope you do too.  

I also I hate to be in the spotlight. Always hope no one notice me. When i was younger my mom used to beg me to go out in the weekends. My cousin is the same age as me she used to come and ask me to go and i just give her excuses. With Chico i couldn't give him excuses i had to go out or he will poop and pee in the house. lol 

For example last year i got a bike. So I can use it to get fit to go out. But i never used it. Tell now about 3 weeks ago. Chico needed to lose Wight and his so energetic and fast. so if we walk it wont do anything for him. Since he have to stop every min for me to catch up with him. So I remembered my bike and rode it while he was walking or running. It felt good and nice. 

Dogs even tho can drive you crazy some times are so loving and understanding. They don't care your in a bad mood. They wont hold grudge if you screamed at them. They well not lie or gossip or hurt you. 
They well always be loyal to you tell the day you or your dog die. 
For me there is no greater love than that. 
And I think all they ask for in return is just your love.  And Probably to feed them too. I think they need that.  

One why to bond with her is to start training her. Read threads here HOW to. Or watch in youtube. This will help. 

But the most important thing you should know. Don't rich it. Every person is deferent on how to deal with a new pet or a new baby. 

Dogs or cats can be the best therapy a person can ask for. 

Keep us updated on how your doing. :daisy:


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

Welcome to motherhood! Everyone summed up what I wanted to say. Its not an unnatural reaction and its good that you spoke about it. Pixie is very lucky to have you and as time passes you will really bond, you will see. I went throught that with my first dog, panicked a lot because I kept thinking what have I got myself into. I did not have that with my chi because I had already become a mother of a human child, so I was mentally ready.
Good luck! Everyone here lends a good ear. Keep that in mind!


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

I remember feeling this way when we first brought Venus home, and then again 3 years later when I gave birth to Gabriel. You should start feeling better once your nerves calm, and the shock of having a new life in your care passes. We're all here for you hun! **hugs**


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

I think if you suffer with anxiety your brain is associating your dog with being anxious as it is something new. Give it time and I'm sure you will be ok. 


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## Angel1210 (Mar 14, 2011)

I have had dogs all my life! But when I got Angel, a nine week old puppy, I was having second thoughts! I really wanted a chi and hubby convinced me that a puppy would be best!

It had been ten years since I'd had a puppy! I was so beside myself! I had thought that I'd made a big mistake! It took me a while, but things began to resolve themselves! He is now 2 years old, and shaping up!

So, don't fret! You are not alone! We are all here for help or support!


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

I'm just overwhelmed with your kind words. It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one and this completely normal. 

I was prepared for problems like that she wouldn't be housebroken, nervous or fearful or had behavioral problems as no one knew about her life with her previous owners. But she is just the kindest little girl. She must have been loved and taken care of, maybe she just ran away? Who knows... but she wasn't claimed by anyone. 
The feeling that I made the wrong choice is just so profound that I'm crying again. Half an hour ago I was _absolutely_ certain that I would rehome her when I walked her with a friend. I even wished I was in her place not having a dog. I hope so much that this will go away. I'm here alone in my apartment with too much time to think about it. 

Actually I haven't planned to stay at my boyfriend's house for at least two weeks as it yet another place she has to get to know. But I feel just too bad be alone any longer. The problem is I have no car and Pixie would have to go on a 1 1/2h train ride. My boyfriend can't come as he is working this weekend. He has a huge fenced yard and lives in a rural area just perfect for dogs with beautiful woods in ten minute walking distance. I hope this outweighs the stress of the train ride. For me this is routine and I go by train at least three times a week for about seven years now and I'm relaxed so much that I can read scientific papers when it's crowded and/or loud and even nap. I'm pretty sure to be calm enough for her and I'll choose a time when there's not much passengers. She is used to car rides and loud noises and music and relaxes just fine when on my lap. She is in general not fearful - maybe cautious and a bit nervous when she gets to now something or someone new - but she's so curious she'll check it out no matter what. 

Do you think this is a good idea? 

I just fear that I'll go nuts.  My boyfriend is the only person who could calm me down and comfort me... and put me into better spirits. He doesn't 'allow' me to be sad or negative for too long.


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

NinaN said:


> I'm just overwhelmed with your kind words. It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one and this completely normal.
> 
> I was prepared for problems like that she wouldn't be housebroken, nervous or fearful or had behavioral problems as no one knew about her life with her previous owners. But she is just the kindest little girl. She must have been loved and taken care of, maybe she just ran away? Who knows... but she wasn't claimed by anyone.
> The feeling that I made the wrong choice is just so profound that I'm crying again. Half an hour ago I was _absolutely_ certain that I would rehome her when I walked her with a friend. I even wished I was in her place not having a dog. I hope so much that this will go away. I'm here alone in my apartment with too much time to think about it.
> ...


Perhaps you do need to go and see your boyfriend if not doing so is making your anxiety worse. She sounds a lovely little dog and I'm sure an hour and a half on a train won't be too big a problem. If its something that you do regularly then the sooner she gets used to it the better.
Dogs are good for anxiety problems. I'm sure once you get over the initial shock she will also play a big part in helping to calm you. My friend who died and who left me the money to buy my chi's had terrible trouble with anxiety. She lived on her own and I tried so hard to persuade her to get a little dog as I knew in the long run it would have been so good for her. Unfortunately it never happened.
My sister suffers very badly with panic attacks and is agoraphobic so I know all about anxiety problems. You are a stronger person than you think, you get out and about even though you aren't always comfortable doing so. That's good and something you can be proud of yourself for. It's much easier to give in. You made a conscious decision to get a dog so a part of you knows that it is a good thing and will be good for you. You just need to convince the other half! You summed it up yourself when you said you are in your home alone with too much time to think. That's all it is. We all over-think things sometimes. Every day will get easier. Start planning to see your boyfriend, I'm sure he would love to see your little girl and you! 


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## LittleGemma (Apr 1, 2012)

NinaN said:


> I'm just overwhelmed with your kind words. It helps so much to know that I'm not the only one and this completely normal.
> 
> I was prepared for problems like that she wouldn't be housebroken, nervous or fearful or had behavioral problems as no one knew about her life with her previous owners. But she is just the kindest little girl. She must have been loved and taken care of, maybe she just ran away? Who knows... but she wasn't claimed by anyone.
> The feeling that I made the wrong choice is just so profound that I'm crying again. Half an hour ago I was _absolutely_ certain that I would rehome her when I walked her with a friend. I even wished I was in her place not having a dog. I hope so much that this will go away. I'm here alone in my apartment with too much time to think about it.
> ...


I feel so sorry that you are going through the same anxiety problems that I went through. All I can say is, you are going to miss her when she's gone if you rehome her. You may feel even worse than you do right now. Don't give up yet. What you need to do is not be so alone. Go see your boyfriend. Pixie sounds like the kind of dog who will handle a train ride just fine. Don't worry about that. When we picked up Gemma for the first time, we had to return home on a 2.5 hour train ride, and she IS a nervous girl. But she did fine. And it sounds like your boyfriend has a really nice home that Pixie will enjoy. Let Pixie adapt to your routine and don't stress about making everything perfect for her. Live your life the way you always have, but now you have a little sidekick to live it with you. The only thing that changed in my daily routine since Gemma joined us has been going on walks, which is actually a good thing for myself! Gemma lives by my routine and my schedule. Pixie will do the same with you.

Do you have family or friends nearby? Have them come over to visit or go out with them for a few hours. Remember that since Pixie is a fully grown dog, you don't have to be with her 24/7 like you do with a little puppy. Get out of the house when you need some time to clear your mind. Pixie will be fine in a crate or playpen while you're gone. Give her some water, toys, and maybe a chew like a bully stick, and she'll sleep and play while you're out.

Just enjoy Pixie. Don't think of her as a huge, new responsibility, think of her as your friend. She's going to be there for you through thick and thin for the rest of her life. It's often never easy at first when you bring home a new puppy or dog, but no one will ever tell you that sticking out those first few rough weeks is not worth it.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

Thank you @Rolo n Buttons and @LittleGemma for reassuring my to go to my boyfriend's. I was planning to do so since she was doing so well. 
Yesterday made me fret because she was a bit intimidated by my best friend and more nervous all around in contrast to the days before. But I'm pretty sure she was confused by the smell of her three cats. My friend also worried it might be to early for her to travel. But both of us grew up with cats - as much as I learned to read body language in general and spot the slightest wag of a tail or twitching. Cats are still very different and can get upset more easily by what you do or their sourroundings than dogs. I have to remind myself of that.
The girl from the rescue group took me to a pet supplies shop on tuesday and we went by car. Pixie was like a pro. The shop was no problem either. I asked the girl on her thoughts about a train ride. She was very certain that she would do fine. I think I can trust her with that as she has three dogs of her own, has fostered many and seen almost everything.
And I guess I have to no matter what. I think Pixie starts to pick up my mood and this is not good. 

@Rolo n Buttons
You're right, I get anxious really easy. I often worry so much, assuming the worst. I try to work on that and it's getting better. But sometimes I fall back into old habits. 
I'm deeply sorry to hear that you lost your friend. It sounds like she was a very good friend and you cared a lot about her and she about you. You tried your best, sometimes that's all you can do. And she for sure appreciated your efforts and being such a good friend, just wanting the best for her. 
I hope your sister will overcome her fears or get in better control of them. With my rather mild problems I have a clue how bad she must feel. Often I would just like to be more like my best friend. She has a happy-go-lucky attitude and many things are easier for her because of that. She has for sure much less worries. 

@LittleGemma
I try to convince myself that we need those trying experiences to grow as a person. But I guess we tend to forget that when we're in the middle or the beginning of that process. 
You're right. I want it all to be perfect for her as she is my first dog and I really fear to make mistakes. Like, what if she gets scared by something on the train station or in the train? Will I able to take her again? Will she still trust me? 
And yes, I'm afraid not being able to go on with my life as I'm used to and happy with. Especially those said train rides. That's how I get to my boyfriend, my mum and my friends. Being cut off of them made me anxious, too I guess. 
My best friend just came over yesterday and I wasn't good company. I was worn out, had nothing but Pixie to talk of, if I talked at all. The better choice would have been to take my friend out for a beer (our favorite bar happens to be next door to my house) without Pixie. 
I think I needed the reminder, that she is not a baby and can be on her on for a while.  I found a list somewhere with a 'conversion' from dog age to human age. They put it together from new studies and came up with something different than 'a year in a dog's life is seven in human years'. So, she would be 24 by now - a young lady not a baby. 

I think once I get to my boyfriend's house, I will relax and will enjoy her much more. She will be able to run free and release some energies which is impossible here. 


All I can say is THANK YOU, THANK YOU and THANK YOU again. :hello1: You have no idea how much you have helped me. I was so close to giving up. I was just so overwhelmed by my feelings and felt so alone. I simply wasn't prepared to feel like that... and so I had no back up plan. 
I'm more than happy that I found this forum, I think it was meant to be.  
I plan to take some nice pictures of her in the garden and/or in the woods and post them for you to see.


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

It's our pleasure, that's what we are here for. Please post lots of photos when you get to your boyfriends and let us know how you get on. Xxx


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

NinaN said:


> My boyfriend is the only person who could calm me down and comfort me... and put me into better spirits. He doesn't 'allow' me to be sad or negative for too long.


Thats so sweet. I hope one day i find a man like that.


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## LittleGemma (Apr 1, 2012)

I'm also glad you found this forum.  It's so important that you don't feel alone in times like these. You and Pixie are going to have a wonderful time at your boyfriend's and she's going to be totally fine on the train. Like I said, you're not going to have to mold a new life for her! Your life is only going to change because it will become more wonderful having a new loyal companion.

Can't wait to see some pics!


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## BanannaFlvdSnow (Jun 13, 2012)

I so get it, I have a lot of anxiety issues & trouble in social situations. And on my own I can blend and not get noticed by people and do my own thing. But when I have Winnie with me people flock to her & it was really hard to get used to. But I've gotten more used to it & she has really been a big help. When I have her with me I feel braver now, I can talk to strangers(still awkwardly I admit) but it's getting better and she is really helping me grow..
I got her when she was a little puppy & I really wanted her but then once I had her it did make me freak out a little. All the responsibility it can really hit you hard. But i think it just shows how caring you are that you feel so deeply about it you aren't taking it lightly. It gets better, it gets easier and the two of you will find your rhythm and make a wonderful pair!


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

I was quite reluctant to write again as I promised you a more upbeat post. 

First of all: it was a good decision to come to my boyfriend's. When he came home from work he managed to ease me up and we walked her together to get some groceries. 
The train ride was just... well, perfect. As soon as she was on my lap, she started to relax and almost fell asleep. I had to wake her up when I changed trains and finally when I arrived. 

It's still hard for me to really like her, or even love her. It just feels I like lost someone, or like after a break up. I start to feel like a monster. I must be one, as she is the most loveable, sweetest thing on earth. All she asks for, is to sit on my lap and be petted. And I don't want to. It hurts being near her, look at her or think about her. I catch myself fantasizing about rehoming her. My mom's neighboor lost her miniature poodle a few months ago which she loved to death. Maybe she would be a better mom for Pixie? 

When I was in the shower she 'stole' my shirt and dragged it into her doggie bed and lay her head on it. How can't you love her for this? It's just beyound sweet... but I cried again. 
I feel bad for feeling bad because of her. And I feel bad for not being able to give you better news. By now I must annoy you. I would understand it. 

Maybe it's getting better. A few minutes ago, I gave in and lifted her onto my lap. I think she tries to sleep and it's ok for me. I can't say that I enjoy it but I don't hate it either. I am an only child and never ever had a living being so close to me for such a long stretch of time. 

Probably I have to get used to her?

P.S. I didn't take any pictures to show you as the weather is _really_ bad here. It's about 41 °F, it rains, it's windy and half an hour ago it even hailed. That's not normal, not even for Germany.


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## Rolo n Buttons (Sep 22, 2012)

Aww, I still think you are expecting too much of yourself too quickly. You haven't had her 5 minutes. It's not going to happen overnight, please give her a little more time if you can. She does sound wonderful. It's good that you come on here and tell us how you feel because if you didn't I'm sure you would be feeling much worse. We won't get fed up with you! It's best to be honest. Keep posting every day if you have to. Xx


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## susan davis (Mar 25, 2011)

The more you pet her/let her in your lap the better it will be. Please don't give up. She will be in your heart soon. Just make sure you don't try and compare her to another dog. She is HERSELF and will be just perfect.


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## pmum (Oct 17, 2010)

AWWW...  Sorry to hear..
I have had Chi's. for many years.
They are Wonderful pets, you couldn't have found
a better breed of dog. Great choice. 
They are loving, loyal, devoted, sensitive, very intellegent,
eagar pleasers, love being with you all the time 24/7.
Who knows about us women with all our ups/downs
we tend to have in life (lol..) Everything will be okay.. 
Just enjoy the moment and enjoy your new found fren.
God bless you.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

Thanks a lot for your support... it went all so much better yesterday, the sun came out, my boyfriend managed to REALLY ease me up, we went shoppimg without her for just about half an hour and that helped a lot. Then we walked her together and started to enjoy her. 

But then, in the evening he would wrap her gently in a sweat shirt I wore and she growled and barked at him. He immediately backed up and left her alone. Since then she growls and/or barks him when he enters the room or walks by but not always. She even comes up to him and will take the offered treat or him petting her with out signs of fear or distress that I can spot. Maybe there still are some. But she will come on her own.
She than even growled hearing just his footsteps in the other room! I don't understand what triggers her as at times she tolerates him and at some not though the situation seems almost identical (to me).

This is almost too much. I don't know if I can take this. It just started to warm up to her... this hurts in a different way than before. I fear that the positive feelings I started to have will vanish. I just locked myself in the bathroom. As before, not wanting to be around her. It's childish, I know. But I'm really not relaxed or myself enough to handle it differently right now. 

Before anyone suggests, even jokingly: I will never choose her over my boyfriend.


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## omguthrie (Oct 13, 2009)

I will be the lone voice saying that it sounds like you have some serious anxiety problems that really do need some help. Have you considered therapy or medication? It sounds to me that you are having trouble enjoying life and that is not a good place to be. 

As far as Pixie goes, I think it would be best for her to be rehomed into a place where she can be loved unconditionally with no reservations. If you are having this much trouble even looking at her and allowing her to sit in your lap is a huge accomplishment that you really did not enjoy; this is not a good life for her. She is starting to show some behaviors toward your boyfriend that are, more than likely, able to be worked through. However, it will take time and work on your part and on your boyfriends part involving heavy praise and interaction with her which I'm not sure you are ready and able to provide if seeing the problems causes you to lock yourself in the bathroom. 

I think Pixie sounds like a lovely soul but she is probably picking up on your anxieties and it could change her from the easy going girl she is to a nervous wreck.

I would find her another home where she can be happy and work on yourself so you can be truly happy. Then find another little dog that can be part of your life.


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

Does the rescue you got her through offer any back up support?
I agree up to a point with what omguthrie has said. I'm not sure you are in the best place mentally to let a dog help you at the moment. Dogs are really great at helping their owners get over anxiety issues, but you need to be able to give her what she needs too.
Can the rescue help you during the settling in process? It is normal to have doubts when taking on a new dog, but it sounds like they are overwhelming you, which she will pick up on.
I don't mean to pry, but are you getting any help for your anxiety disorder? If you have a treatment plan in place already, ask about how to incorporate Pixie into it. Dogs make the best therapists.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

@omguthrie
Thanks for saying out loud, what I felt deep down. I had therapy in the past for depression and being bullied almost all my school days. It was a lot better since then and I felt in control in my life and content all around. 
My depression recently emerged after I had major trouble with M.A. in Anthropology. I decided to take the summer off and re-think my options wether to do with my life. I plan to start an out-patient program in a few weeks.
As I have time on my hands I thought it would be a good idea to let a little four-legged friend into my life as I always wished for a dog and wasn't allowed as a kid/teen (for no particular reason - my dad just said no). 
I would have never thought that my problems run so much deeper and might need more attention. And by no means I would have thought that a sweet soul like Pixie would make me feel like this. 

I agree with you that it would be the best to find her a new home. She deserves it. I agree with you as well that the behavior she showed with my boyfriend is just healthy and normal dog behavior that just needs and can be modified with basic training. 
I'm not ready for a dog it seems. It maybe started out as a normal stress reaction, dedicating all my time to her. But the way I cope with it (or how I am not able to cope) clearly shows that there it is more to it. 

I will contact the rescue group I adopted her from on Monday to find her a new home. The contract says I may not rehome her myself and I think couldn't and shouldn't do it myself.

Your advice is the best I got in a very long time. And I truly appreciate that you found honest but respectful words in telling me what might be wrong. I feel less a bad person and more as someone with a problem. I really started to think of me as bad to the core, not able to love. Maybe I'm not that bad as she seems to adore me though I don't deserve it. 


@Wicked Pixie
The rescue group does offer support and already helped me a lot. But I guess I'm really not in the right place right now. I plan to start out-patient treatment in a few weeks. I agree, I'm not able to give her what she needs. She is the sweetest little soul I've ever met and I will surely miss her. But I have to make the decision that's best for her. 
Yes, it's overwhelming me and it started out as a normal stress reaction but this is taking a bad turn and I need to stop it right now. 

You are not prying, it's ok if you to ask. I think forums like this are the place to be honest. I guess it's better to contact the local shelter and offer to walk one of the dogs waiting for adoption. 


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@all 
Thanks a lot for your kind words and good advices. You wanted the best and really wanted to help. While it helped me through the last days, it helped me make this decision, too. 
Little Pixie will find wonderful loving doggie parents. I will cherish those days I had with her and what she taught me about myself. All I really and deeply regret is that little Pixie will lose yet another human. Therefore she should leave as soon as possible as she is already very attached. It breaks my heart what I'm doing to her. That's not fair. I wished I had found out that I'm not ready not like this, not at her cost. 

Love,
Nina


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## miuccias (Aug 22, 2012)

I agree 100% with omguthrie! I am sorry you are feeling like that, but let's not forget about Pixie! she deserves better!


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

@miuccias
I'm taking the neccessary steps that Pixie finds her new home. Her well being and happiness is my priority number one. That's why I came here and asked for help though it all turned out totally different than anticipated.
I don't know if you have read all the other posts and followed the discussion I hope it came through that I wanted to find out what's wrong for her sake. 
And that's why I'm going to help her find a new home. I shouldn't and couldn't do so and will trust the rescue group's decision. No one could have forseen this as even me myself could not.


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

I think it is a very brave decision to let her go. You both deserve to be happy. I'm sure the rescue group will find a perfect home for Pixie, you need to concentrate on getting yourself better. I really hope things start to improve for you soon xxx


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## intent2smile (Dec 4, 2011)

Nina I think it is a great thing that you can step back from the situation and look at what is best for you and for Pixie.
It sounds like you are experiencing more than just the normal "oh my goodness how am I going to deal with this puppy for the next 15 years" stress.
This may not be the right time for you but it is very responsible to be able to step up and realize that and want the best for you both.
I just wanted to let you know that I am sure this was a very hard decision but if it is making your anxiety that much worse perhaps the time is just not right for a dog.
I wish you luck in your outpatient treatment and I am glad that your boyfriend helps you through these hard times.


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

intent2smile said:


> Nina I think it is a great thing that you can step back from the situation and look at what is best for you and for Pixie.
> It sounds like you are experiencing more than just the normal "oh my goodness how am I going to deal with this puppy for the next 15 years" stress.
> This may not be the right time for you but it is very responsible to be able to step up and realize that and want the best for you both.
> I just wanted to let you know that I am sure this was a very hard decision but if it is making your anxiety that much worse perhaps the time is just not right for a dog.
> I wish you luck in your outpatient treatment and I am glad that your boyfriend helps you through these hard times.


Very nicely said


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

Good Luck.  And don't worry hon. When the time is right you well know it.  




intent2smile said:


> Nina I think it is a great thing that you can step back from the situation and look at what is best for you and for Pixie.
> It sounds like you are experiencing more than just the normal "oh my goodness how am I going to deal with this puppy for the next 15 years" stress.
> This may not be the right time for you but it is very responsible to be able to step up and realize that and want the best for you both.
> I just wanted to let you know that I am sure this was a very hard decision but if it is making your anxiety that much worse perhaps the time is just not right for a dog.
> I wish you luck in your outpatient treatment and I am glad that your boyfriend helps you through these hard times.


What She said.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

@Wicked Pixie
I don't feel brave at all. I think I have no choice - she needs to protected from any harm. Though I would never harm her intentionally the enviroment I can offer her is in its constellation harmful to her. 
As I made this decision I already miss her. And I regret that I have not taken my problems more seriously. But I didn't know any better. 

@intent2smile 
Yes, there is more to it than just normal stress. I started to realise it bit by bit. And it's all but easy. As I have right now the responsibility for small being that's dependent on me I HAVE to step up. I guess it's not the right time. It just isn't and no one can help it. 
Thank you very for your well wishes. 
My boyfriend is my rock. I don't know how I would cope with this. He is shaken, too. He just met her and I think he likes her more, than he admitted. I know it by the look on his face as I told him my decision. But he understands my decision. It's still hard on him and we cried both. But we know this is the right thing to do. 

@Chico's Mum
Thank you! I hope I will some day.


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## Chihuahuaobsession (Apr 27, 2013)

NinaN said:


> My new post was supposed to be a happy one, with pictures full of fun and happiness. My problem is that I'm not happy, I feel just horrible. I cried this morning and last night. This is the third day she is here and I still can't enjoy her. But she's just wonderful, she is so pretty, a cutie and she is even really nice to everyone be it human or other dog. She likes everyone she meets and everyone likes her! Yesterday she started really listening to me, always looking for me what to do next and has accepted the leash just fine. She's just a good, wonderful girl. She is not yet properly housebroken, but she had already been trained and it is only a matter of time when she will get used to her new home.
> 
> I have absolutely no reason not to love her. But all I can do is cry. Is this normal? What's wrong with me? I can say for sure there is nothing wrong with her. She is my first dog, never had one before. She is not a puppy and the shelter estimated her age to be 2 years, maybe less. Is this just the stress and the new situation? I haven't slept too much in the last two days, hadn't eaten properly. I still can't get it why my reaction is so extreme. I don't want to cuddle her and pet her too much. This is what I understand the least. I always loved to pet and cuddle everything furry and enjoyed being close to them. (though I'm not the touchy feely type and hate to hug people I don't know - it took YEARS to really enjoy the hugs of my now best friend and like sitting right next to her).
> 
> Have you gone trough something like this? Will it go away?


There's something behind why you feel the disconnect. Think back and understand your behavior, maybe taking up activities where you are alone and really take in the emotions.


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## omguthrie (Oct 13, 2009)

NinaN,

I am glad that you took my post in the way I meant it, I really do wish the best for you and for Pixie. I'm so glad to hear that you are starting an outpatient program. It sounds like your MA program really got the best of you, I went through a very bad couple of years involving a doctorate program that ultimately cost me a huge part of myself and contributed to the downfall of my marriage. I know how it can tear you apart and make you question everything about yourself. It took a long time for me to be happy, simply happy, with myself without needing anyone or anything else to validate me. 

Dogs can be a great part of a recovery program but you have to be ready for it. I hope for you to be ready to welcome another little four legged friend into your life when things get brighter. 

You are doing a very brave thing. Please feel free to PM me if you like.


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## KikiandColton (May 26, 2013)

I skim read your post but I pretty much got the idea of how you feel... I wanted a chihuahua puppy for so long and when I did my anxiety went through the roof and I was seriously considering giving him away after only a week of him being here. 

I was anxious and crying because he was a big responsibility and I knew my lifestyle was about to change. But I look back and I now feel physically sick that I ever considered letting him go, I love him so much.

I want you to know that it gets easier, just push through this hard and unusual time and you and your pup will be bonding in no time.


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

I do not mean to be funny when I say that there is something called Post-puppy depression. If you google it, you will see how many people have he same issue. 

On her growling at your boyfriend. It could be because she was in a different environment than your place that she was just getting used to. My girl will often growl when we go near her if she does not want to be bothered but will change her tune if you come walking over with a treat.

I understand anxiety more than you can imagine and I did also go through panics but that was because I felt trapped. (not with Kalisee, with my previos dog years ago, until I have a child). If you are feeling trapped and are anxious all the time and not enjoying the dog, I think you are doing the right thing. 

I usually put experation dates on decisions because there are times when I might make hasty decisions because of the way I am feeling at a certain time. For instance I might say "If I still feel this way by June 3d, I will do X". 
I learned that technique when I was having a lot of panic issues and could not think clearly about things and my brain was just in an unorganized uproar. I gave myself "expiration dates" mini goals and sometimes I found that it would help me make up my mind. 

I am not saying you are not thinking clearly or are frazzle-brained though, nor am I telling you to go and reconsider your decision because you already love Pixie enough to part with her and worry about her. You don't HAVE to rehome if you see that you are feeling better. And noone will ever judge you if you do rehome. :love2:

P.S take a look at post puppy depression and you will see that you are not alone at all!


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

@Kalisee
I don't think you're making fun of me. I jokingly said to my mum about having some kind of post partum depression. And she agreed that it was comparable though not the same. A pet is completely dependant on you like a little kid and which pet would make that more clear than a dog. 
@Gemma shared her experiences being somewhat similar to mine and advised me to hang in. 
I get it that I am somewhat extreme in my emotions but it also maybe appear as so as I like to discuss my problems in every. freaking. detail. Until now I thought what I experienced was beyond what people call post puppy depression and that it would be best for both of us to part. I'm not so sure anymore. I still think, I have serious issues I absolutely have to work on. But I can now see me conquer them WITH Pixie. Of course with her being loved and happy. I start to have warm fuzzy feelings when I look at her sleeping right next to me. (She' s making the cutest piggy sounds). 

I think she growled at my boyfriend because he approached her too early at her doggie bed and/or caught her in a bad moment. She seems to be ok with him in general as she comes up to him when called and will happily take the offered treat. I'm sure this can be modified with consistent training. My boyfriend is very supportive and wants to gain her trust. 

I do/did feel trapped a bit. But I think this blocked all other thoughts. I dont't rush things but rather hesitate to make a decision, having the urge to collect all availble information and get different points of view. But I still need due dates/dead lines as much as you. I try to make a decision by tomorrow. Talking everything through with those who know me and whom I trust. 
Tonight I will talk to the girl who checked my home and has fostered dogs for almost ten years and had dogs more than half her life. 
Right now, I'm really not thinking very clear. From time to time I have clear moments but I can't make out the complete picture. Knowing this, I will wait and see. 
As long as she is mine (I really start to take proud in that!) I can choose. 

@KikiandColton
I was wishing for a dog for sooo long all my friends got 'annoyed' by me talking about it all the time. I even convicenced my bofriend who was strictly against it. I guess we were both fantasizing too much about it and looking forward to it that we put ourselves under too much pressure. Then you realise its not all rainbows and sunshine and it hits you hard.
I really should listen to you and all the others that it gets better. 
For some reason I forget how wonderful and easy going Pixie is and fits into my life in how she is characterwise. Her only 'serious' problems are: she has some separation anxiety (she has only been here a week, so completely normal), and is not yet too fond of my boyfriend. Wow... I am a big sissy I guess. As soon she is on my lap she is even ok with being on a full and noisy train. 

I'm not religious but I believe in fate . I think I found her for a reason. No matter if it is better to part or stay together. I will have learned something about myself. I'm already thankful for that. But I think it's getting more likely we'll keep on learning together...


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

Nina, you sound like you are in a much better place with all of this now. I really do think you should talk to the girl from the rescue before you make any decisions. Remember that you also have a lot of support here, whatever you decide.


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## NinaN (May 13, 2013)

*Happy End...*

It's been a few days since I've been here the last time and I've good news for you!

My little Pixie will stay with me - forever. After I've made the decision to rehome her, I found my inner peace again. I finally could breathe again, feel more like myself. I was in a constant strain, it was unbearable! I already wrote an email to the lady of the rescue group. Gosh, good that I didn't rush to click 'send'. I had a long talk with the girl that checked my home and she told me that she has gone through this with her own three dogs and every single foster she had in her care. She insisted, too not to rush. I set myself to wait a weekend and to make a decision on Monday. The weekend went by and I happily decided: Pixie is going to stay... 
Suddenly I could see Pixie as what she is. The cutest, sweetest little doggie in the world. I really fell in love with her. Now I have to take care not to smother her with love. :toothy8:
I'm looking forward to make many wonderful memories with her in the hopefully many years to come. 

I will finally make an introductory post the next day with maaany pictures. 


All I can say, is: Thank you, thank you and thank you again! You made two girls (and my boyfriend) very happy. I don't know what I've done without your kind words - Pixie would've been in another home. I'm dreading this thought...

P.S. My boyfriend told me after I decided to keep Pixie that he loved her from the moment he saw her and even considered to keep her... and I thought he was mad about me to giving up to early.


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

Something told me that this is how your story would end .....and wonderfully beginning


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

glad to hear it was a happy ending


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

One last thing Can we get a pic of Pixie.....please.......


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## lancestar2 (Jan 19, 2013)

NinaN said:


> It's been a few days since I've been here the last time and I've good news for you!
> 
> My little Pixie will stay with me - forever. After I've made the decision to rehome her, I found my inner peace again. I finally could breathe again, feel more like myself. I was in a constant strain, it was unbearable! I already wrote an email to the lady of the rescue group. Gosh, good that I didn't rush to click 'send'. I had a long talk with the girl that checked my home and she told me that she has gone through this with her own three dogs and every single foster she had in her care. She insisted, too not to rush. I set myself to wait a weekend and to make a decision on Monday. The weekend went by and I happily decided: Pixie is going to stay...
> Suddenly I could see Pixie as what she is. The cutest, sweetest little doggie in the world. I really fell in love with her. Now I have to take care not to smother her with love. :toothy8:
> ...



OMG I am so happy for you!!!

I just started reading your thread today and was so disappointed with the advice that you should just find a new home for her! Of course we ALL don't know enough about your personal situation to make the best judgement call but I would suggest you talk to a professional about you situation and if you feel you are having trouble with being all that Pixel needs in an owner.

I know that many therapists recommend becoming a dog owner to help improve your mood as well as give a pet a loving home. I know everybody's heart here is in the right place but at times they can go a bit overboard... There are so many dogs in shelters in my area that I have seen a few dogs in shelters for over 6mo. now  ...every location is different of course but if you are able to give a dog a safe warm home and food in his/her belly and your doing your best at becoming a better person to become that friend to your pet then you are doing a WONDERFUL JOB IN MY BOOK!!

I do think I have a similar personality in a way I always think the worse of situations such as I always pick Vida up when crossing busy streets, I won't walk Vida anywhere near a sombody cutting grass, and I am constantly watching for large dogs and birds above. Walking my little Vida does get easier with practice and I have started to relax more the more I walk her :toothy8:

I hope you always feel free to post here because I would love to hear your stories and to answer you questions along with many other people. This is a great community and everyone is very helpful. 

For me when I first got Vida I didn't very much like her at all lol sure I thought she was adorable but it took time for us to bond... I think the day I accidentally stepped on her tail and she cried out so loud and hid and I sat next to her for about an hour before she came out on her own was start of me beginning to love her. When I was faced with the sad realaztion that I had hurt her (not on purpose of course) I felt so sad and I had a strong desire to make it up to her and to give her treats and tummy rubs and hugs and kisses and to share my bed and keep her full and keep her warm and keep her happy!!  it takes time hun and as long as you keep at it you will get there too and I hope you the best success with the programs you are taking or about to take. 

Having a dog can be a wonderful experience. I also would recommend you consider getting a handbag for her when she is on the train if needed when it is crowded she can have her private space. Also in about 2-4 years if you and Pixel are doing well then you could expand your pack to a 2nd chi! lol not that providing Pixel a loving home is enough motivation but being able to work through your problems to be able to provide a loving home for another chi always is a cherry on top for me to help become the best person I can be so when the time is right I can adopt a 2nd chi. 

Sorry if my message is all over the board. I just wish you the best and I hope you are happy and so is your little chi Pixel I do think you can have short term goals and long term goals to help motivate yourself to achieve your dreams!


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