# My fiancee refered to Timmy as an animal



## Timmysmom (Jan 30, 2010)

I am so upset, he is not an animal to me, he is my little boy. I cannot have children so he is my boy. I care for him, I worry about him, and  I am leaving him with my mother to go Jamaica, but I am worrying. My fiancee tells me to put him in a kennel in a cage for a week, because he is just an animal.

We do not see eye to eye, for him he is just an animal, for me he is so much more.

He just cannot comprehend how much Timmy means to me and it becomes very frustrating to deal with this situation.

Any advice?

Regina


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

Oh Regina, unfortunately I'm one of those "crazy dog ladies" that would literally 
kick out a partner who disrespects, hurts or does not like my dogs. BUT, I also
know that many people who love dogs now... started out not caring for them at
all originally. Sometimes it takes time for a person to truly see what little miracles 
they are....but then again many never end up seeing dogs as anything special. I
think that a partner, even if he does not necessarily love dogs, should show
respect to the one he loves by not saying things that may hurt or offend...and if
he does slip, as we all do, and if he hurts your feelings, then the only thing to do is
apologize. If however he did not apologize, that to me would show a lack of care, 
and it would definitely be a problem. All I can say is speak to him. Tell him how
he made you feel...see what he says. Hugs.


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## Lulajane (Jun 24, 2013)

I agree with LS, even if he doesn't feel the same way about Timmy he could be respectful of your feelings for him. That being said, my hubby does love our Australian Shepard because she's really his dog but other dogs he isn't crazy about. I wonder how he'll feel about the baby I'm bringing home. 
If I were you, I would just tell him how that made you feel. Hope you can work things out.


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## Timmysmom (Jan 30, 2010)

Thank you for your replies.

Steve my fiancee has been jealous of Timmy from
day one. I got this beautiful little boy and I was so happy to get him, the first day is a very
special day, Timmy jumped out of his breeders bag and went to lick me, and he was 
so happy to be here and I knew he was for me. There was a very special bond when I saw him and Steve said "It's the dog or me."

Well I still have Timmy...no matter what I would never give him up.

So now I am with a fiancee, who really is not an animal lover...and I am going
with him on a trip to Jamaica...and he doesn't understand that I call my mother
everyday to see how Timmy is doing. Because he is just an animal.

I think after this vacation...it is already paid for so cannot back out...I will
hopefully find someone who loves Timmy as much as I do.


I don't believe that is asking for much.

Thank you for letting me vent.

Regina


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## Kalisee (Jun 1, 2012)

Timmysmom said:


> Thank you for your replies.
> 
> Steve my fiancee has been jealous of Timmy from
> day one. I got this beautiful little boy and I was so happy to get him, the first day is a very
> ...


Wait, you mean you are considering breaking up your engagement because your fiance does not like Timmy? No, you definately are not asking too much if you want him to respect Timmy but he does not have to like Timmy. Does he mistreat Timmy in any way? That would make me end a relationship no matter what. 

Yes, our doggies are our children and companions and our bond is very strong. I love my dog as much as I love my human child believe it or not! 
Our relationships in the "human" area are the ones that, unfortunatley, sometimes we have to work on more becuase it is not as easy and the comments and attitudes are just as hard to have to deal with. A doggy will not create such things for you to deal with.

You cant make Steve love Timmy if he has a grudge towards him. Its a shame though, how can he not love that little guy that brings you so much joy? I can imagine how hard it is for him though, to have a little tiny four legged buddle of love as "competition". And the competition is very LARGE even for such a tiny bundle he is "competing" against for your love!!! :love6:


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## Huly (Mar 5, 2012)

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that y'all work this out. I know it can be frustrating I have broken up with a few guys over my kids. Thankfully my OH loves them as much as I do but there is still times he gets jealous as he just wants me for himself.


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## Jayda (Jun 15, 2012)

I don't think my husband will every have the "pick them up and give them smooches all the time" or "go out of the way to find special items for them" attitude toward our dogs but I will tell you he was indifferent with Lady and Prince at first (I wanted them and they were my dogs). However, in the last six months he has changed his attitude. For example, he often asks "should we take the dogs" when going on visits or to a store that allows them. He now takes them on occasional walks and brushes their teeth when I am not there. He loves to lay on the floor and have them jump all over him and give him kisses when he gets home. I think he has grown to like them more than he will admit to me. We are in our 40s with no kids too. Perhaps over time your fiancée will come around.


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## MMS (Aug 2, 2012)

Personally, if I were in your situation - as soon as he said "it's me or the dog" I would have responded "see ya!"

Love should not be something you have to compete for. It's not like you, as a person, only have so much love to go around. This is his problem, his insecurity... If he's making you feel bad for loving your pup, then he's not someone you want in that honored position in your life. I think you need to sit down and have a good discussion about what's really going on - resolve it like adults and be prepared for whatever happens.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

OMG, I agree with LS and everyone else. They are not JUST animals, and i would have to re-examine the relationship as well. Someone who can be jealous of Timmy may have some problems. and it's not just that but if he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you he would need to be considerate to your feelings. He is not being considerate at all nor does it seem that he cares to even try to understand your bond and how you feel about Timmy. And as for his "it's me or him" I would take Timmy !!!! 

Personally I could NOT be with someone who was NOT an animal person!


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## intent2smile (Dec 4, 2011)

I am sorry that he feels that way.

I would personally talk to him before you leave for vacation. It is obviously bothering you and holding that pain close to your heart is not going to help and if you are anything like me you are going to have a miserable vacation because it upset you. I would sit down and explain how what he said hurt and that there is room for him and Timmy both in your life if he is willing to be there and accept that Timmy is going to be there too.


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

Although I believe in balance, I would never tolerate anyone giving me an ultimatum like that. I do know of couples that have issues when it comes to the dog, but it's not the dog in general, it's the dog runs the household type situation. In that instance, you just have to ask yourself what is more important. I have a friend going through this, my suggestion was a trainer. The dog is a tyrant. In situations where the significant other is just jealous, or just doesn't like the dog, then I'd honestly say, "I choose my dog/s, have a nice life."


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

I have to add. It drives me nuts when people say, "it's just a dog!" Maybe they are technically a dog, but does that mean they have no feelings? Our dogs become part of our family. They depend on us for their well being, and what they give back is tenfold.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

TLI said:


> I have to add. It drives me nuts when people say, "it's just a dog!" Maybe they are technically a dog, but does that mean they have no feelings? Our dogs become part of our family. They depend on us for their well being, and what they give back is tenfold.


Even though I am married with a child.....I would still choose my dog over ANY man !!! Just sayin


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

cpaoline said:


> Even though I am married with a child.....I would still choose my dog over ANY man !!! Just sayin


Less maintenance. Haha!!


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

TLI said:


> Less maintenance. Haha!!


Totally!!! Famous qoute in my house "if i knew then what i know now, I would have nothing but Chi's" sadly I sometimes include I include my daughter it that! lol


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

cpaoline said:


> Totally!!! Famous qoute in my house "if i knew then what i know now, I would have nothing but Chi's" sadly I sometimes include I include my daughter it that! lol


Hahaha!! I've got 3 girls, I can definitely relate. A house full of women can be quite interesting. :lol:


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## Lulajane (Jun 24, 2013)

TLI said:


> Hahaha!! I've got 3 girls, I can definitely relate. A house full of women can be quite interesting. :lol:


Oh goodness I bet it can!! God knew I only needed boys LOL!! I see my brother & sister with their girls & I just thank God it's not me!! That's awful but true! 
However, being the only girl in the house can be maddening sometimes...I'm outnumbered!! But with Miss No Name coming into the house I won't be the only girl for long.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

TLI said:


> Hahaha!! I've got 3 girls, I can definitely relate. A house full of women can be quite interesting. :lol:[/QUOTE
> 
> I feel your pain!


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

When the rush of hormones hit, watch out. :lol: What drives me mad is my middle daughter and I wear the same size clothing. She's forever in my closet. Ugh! :lol:


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

TLI said:


> When the rush of hormones hit, watch out. :lol: What drives me mad is my middle daughter and I wear the same size clothing. She's forever in my closet. Ugh! :lol:


OMG going through that now !! She's only 11 and i know any day "IT'S" got to be coming she is ssssooooooo Bitchy! and she is now stealing my shoes and tops, lol my husband is calling it the estrogen wars


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

cpaoline said:


> OMG going through that now !! She's only 11 and i know any day "IT'S" got to be coming she is ssssooooooo Bitchy! and she is now stealing my shoes and tops, lol my husband is calling it the estrogen wars


Raising 3, I can totally relate. :lol: My youngest just graduated high school. So we are getting a little past the "I know it all" stage. The oldest was the toughest. She definitely has a mind of her own. The middle baby (23), she had her moments too. The youngest was the easiest. They are all great girls, though. We are all very close. At one point, there were 5 generations in my home. My Grandmother passed away at age 100. Now everyone is pretty much on their own. But my middle girl is a major Mama's baby. We all stick pretty close. Parenting can be challenging. But it's all worth it in the end. Now if I can just keep them out of my things! :lol:

That "bitchy" stage can last awhile. I'll pray for you.  :lol:


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

TLI said:


> Raising 3, I can totally relate. :lol: My youngest just graduated high school. So we are getting a little past the "I know it all" stage. The oldest was the toughest. She definitely has a mind of her own. The middle baby (23), she had her moments too. The youngest was the easiest. They are all great girls, though. We are all very close. At one point, there were 5 generations in my home. My Grandmother passed away at age 100. Now everyone is pretty much on their own. But my middle girl is a major Mama's baby. We all stick pretty close. Parenting can be challenging. But it's all worth it in the end. Now if I can just keep them out of my things! :lol:
> 
> That "bitchy" stage can last awhile. I'll pray for you.  :lol:


yes please do ! or pray for her that I don't take her out before the stage passes !!! LOL I bitch but i wouldn't change her for the world. She really is a good kid, straight A's and considerate (most of the time) were pretty close and will ask and sometimes even take my suggestions.

100 WOW good jeans! Please let me know if you figure out how to keep them out of ours closets !


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## myknitt (Jun 2, 2012)

Hi Regina,.. 

I know it will be very frustrating for you.. but I think, you can not force people to love animal. Just do what you love to do and don't if you don't like. I also type of "ladies dog"... i realllyyy love chihuahua so I got 19 chihuahua at my home.. I treat them just like family member. 

My fiance also a person who doesn't like dogs so much. And he doesn't like me treating them more than animals. I never change any of my behaviour, I still living them as I love to do. 
As time goes by, he finally could understand my love and feelings for my dogs and gets used to it 

We can not change someone's behaviour, only by showing it will change 

Somehow as time goes by, he also can not stand how cute each of their expression 

Now he also love my chis as I love them 

Xoxoxo
Jesslynalvin - myknitt


Sent from Petguide.com Free App


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## Chihuahuasloveme (Jan 8, 2010)

I don't understand how anyone could be jealous of a pet. Its not like ur cheating on him with the dog. My bf has never had a dog in his life until now he has 2 full time now that we're living together although he has his opinions on them and doesnt like the barking he has taken a strong liking to them and has even started taking them for walks while im at work. Maybe he needs to be more involved with timmy spend some 1:1 time with him take him for a walk etc.


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## Blondie87 (Jan 10, 2011)

Are you saying you are gonna find a new guy, or rehome Timmy? It sounded like you were going to try to rehome him. How long have you had Timmy?

I got lucky with my husband, when we got the girls we had been married for 3 years. He loves them almost as much as I do honestly. He gives them kisses and cuddles all the time, talks to them like they understand, considers them with everything we do. Prefers to take them sometimes when even I was planning on leaving them at home, but then sometimes it's the opposite. We argue about what the custody arrangement will be if we were to ever separate (totally joking tho, lol). He of course sometimes wants me to be loving on him and not the girls, but it doesn't make him resent them any. He knows they are our babies. We have been trying for our own for quite awhile, and they are a great "distraction" and "replacement" for those babies that are taking so long to come. They will always be our babies tho..


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## lilbabyvenus (Feb 8, 2009)

Blondie87 said:


> Are you saying you are gonna find a new guy, or rehome Timmy? It sounded like you were going to try to rehome him. How long have you had Timmy?


She mentioned that she would never think of getting rid of Timmy, and was thinking of breaking off her engagement.


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## lancestar2 (Jan 19, 2013)

Timmysmom said:


> I am so upset, he is not an animal to me, he is my little boy. I cannot have children so he is my boy. I care for him, I worry about him, and I am leaving him with my mother to go Jamaica, but I am worrying. My fiancee tells me to put him in a kennel in a cage for a week, because he is just an animal.
> 
> We do not see eye to eye, for him he is just an animal, for me he is so much more.
> 
> ...


I don't completely agree with everyone's advice in reply to your comment and I hope I give you a perspective and advice that can help you. A relationship is a lot of work and I think you need to first identify what is HIS real issue.

You said he referred to your chi as an animal and that upset you? Why did that upset you? For me I also refer to my Vida as "my baby" and do treat her very much like a child. I take her with me to the family holiday gatherings and I talk to her a lot as if she was a baby too. Doing so just feels right for me I know many other chi owners don't talk to there dogs as much as I do but it feels natural to me and I wont change.

However at the same time I wonder if your fiancee JUST wants you to adknowledge the fact that infact your pet is just A DOG! For me personally I would never be offended for anybody reminding this to me. However the tone and way they say it would perhaps upset me. It does sound like the WAY he said and meant it he was referring to your relationship with your dog being "not normal" (nothing wrong with that I know my relationship with my dog is not "normal" either compared to what some may think is the way to have a pet)

I think you first need to identify what his REAL issue is. Is he upset that your relationship with your dog is not the way he wants you have it? Or is he just a GUY and wants to make sure you understand that your dog is well still just a pet! 

I know that what I am about to say will probably p*** somebody off but I'm sorry in advance! ... I have seen some shows with pet owners of small dogs that just seem way way way to much acting like there dog is a child. Simply acknowledging that you understand that your pet is a pet while you enjoy pampering your pet with attention and being honest with your fiancee could go a long way! You should never be upset when somebody says your dog is an animal unless they are saying it in an insulting tone.


However if the reason your fiancee is upset because you are treating your dog like a child, well that is a different story. I would spend all of 5min if I were you (if that) and think about your relationship with your dog and if you feel comfortable changing your behavior with your pet. Once you reach the obvious conclusion of NO or if your willing to change a few things such as maybe your baby can sleep in the kennel a few nights to give you some private time with your fiancee or maybe you can text instead of calling daily or maybe a few less outfits for your baby or maybe your willing to get a 2nd baby as then they can play together and you don't need to be so involved and could free up some so you can invest in your future marriage.

I give these SUGGESTION for you to CONSIDER! so PLEASE don't think I am suggestion you change your relationship with your pet because only YOU can decide that I just want you to fully think about your options and do what makes you feel best. Everyone is different if it was me and my fiancee was upset with me talking to my baby vida so much I dont think I would even bother trying to make it work. Some relationships are worth investing in and some are not! Your happiness is important and so is the happiness of your pet and if you choose to continue your relationship and get married you gotta try to keep everyone happy!

From what you posted I'm not sure why he is upset but perhaps putting your baby in a kennel for one night might give you more perspective but at the same time I don't think I would even want to do that! haha...

I think you need to get more information out of him before you decide anything I think maybe saying the following would be a good start...

"I understand Timmy is an animal and is a dog. I do understand that you may view Timmy as just another animal but for me we have been together for __ years and I have bonded with him for so long that I do consider him in some ways to be my baby and my child. I really want to see if we can come together to find a workable solution, however I am not willing to change the relationship with my dog that I have built with him over __years but what I am willing to do is ____ do you think this is something we can live with?"

Hope you keep us updated and do what you feel is best for you! Also keep in mind that most people here will give you advice to disown your family if they insult your chi  ...of course you need to do what is best for you and your chi AND to see if it's somthing you can change in order to save your relationship because if you two can't come to some agreements BEFORE you tie the knot well then you can avoid the situation where he wont be happy you wont be happy and i'm guessing timmy wont be happy either! I know it must be difficult but I hope my advice is helpful and if you do decide to put your chi in a kennel for a week your chi will still love you your finance maybe be happy (also may be trying to control you ) and you might be happy to unless that is such an awful thought then DON'T DO IT! and kick him to the curb and get another boy in your life get another chi!  haha


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

lancestar2 said:


> ... Also keep in mind that most people here will give you advice to disown your family if they insult your chi ...



I don't think that is true, or fair of you to say, you do not know "most people
here". And in my personal time on this forum I have never read about anyone
disowning family over a rude remark towards their dog. Partners sure can and
do turn into family, but not always...more times then not boyfriends come and
go, but family is for life. It's one thing to say "tata see ya later" to a rude or
disrespectful boyfriend(speaking generally here because none of us know the
situation well enough), but it's a whole other story to disown a family member.


Just my 2cents, for what it's worth.


And besides, from what I understood the girls were trying to encourage Regina to talk things out, not kick him out.


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## Chico's Mum (Sep 9, 2008)

What i don't understand is you want to break up with your fiancee after you two get back from your holiday together because its paid. Why go with him just to break up after you get back. Thats mean. Use his ticket and go with a friend or don't go. 

His not your boyfriend his your fiancee. You must have knows how he feels about your baby. So why now? Timmy is your baby. You love him so much. And since he said me or Timmy then I would also say to him Timmy. And even tho you picked Timmy his still with you. 

Just talk to him before you go to your holiday. Make sure this is what you really want and not because you were mad at his comment. Make sure that he knows you and Timmy are a deal package if he loves you than he has to learn and work or even tolerate Timmy. And that would be the only way you would stay with him. And he has to not only say it he has to prove it to you and to Timmy. I would also buy a nanny cam and leave the house and see how he treats him. He can just be nice to Timmy in front of you. 

I hope i didn't upset you. I only wanted to give you advise. Best of luck.


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## Chihuahuaobsession (Apr 27, 2013)

Timmysmom said:


> I am so upset, he is not an animal to me, he is my little boy. I cannot have children so he is my boy. I care for him, I worry about him, and I am leaving him with my mother to go Jamaica, but I am worrying. My fiancee tells me to put him in a kennel in a cage for a week, because he is just an animal.
> 
> We do not see eye to eye, for him he is just an animal, for me he is so much more.
> 
> ...


Regina, Don't worry. This is completely normal, women are more sensitive than men are. We have a motherly instinct that many men cannot comprehend even as fathers. Its okay for him not to see eye to eye with you, as long as he's respectful about his opinions. My husband doesn't understand my obsession with my babies, Its hard for me to plan a trip without them (now I'm on a mini vacation and I have all of them with me). Its normal to have disagreements, I slept with my dogs before my husband and I were married and now they have to sleep on the floor. My husband is a dog lover and he supports me but he doesn't see them as I do and he does not like them on the bed. I take complete care of his English bulldog and she is my baby, he is just not as sentimental as I am and I realized that's okay. He likes snakes and reptiles which I'm deathly afraid of but I support him and have even encouraged him to get a certain snake he likes. Even if you don't understand each other you must support each other. I think it would be a great idea if you got another one lol When I only had one I was extremely obsessed with my baby Mia. I thought about her all day, but now that I have more. I just think she's playing with them so my worry level has gone from 10 to maybe 4. Give it a thought


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## lancestar2 (Jan 19, 2013)

~LS~ said:


> I don't think that is true, or fair of you to say, you do not know "most people
> here". And in my personal time on this forum I have never read about anyone
> disowning family over a rude remark towards their dog. Partners sure can and
> do turn into family, but not always...more times then not boyfriends come and
> ...


I was partly joking but at the same time I have seen people giving advice that is rather harsh and extreme in my opinion. I am not saying there advice is not valuable because it is valuable I am just saying to the OP. to make sure they get a wide variety of view points so they can make the best decision for themselves. 

It seems like most people are suggest break it off or "see ya" to your fiancee. Well sure the OP needs to think about what they want to do and to get a better idea if she can make the relationship work. I mean if I had found the perfect man and was engaged I would at LEAST consider making some compromises!! Such as maybe M-F we could have 2 hours of time where Vida was in her kennel weekends we would have say 1 day where Vida was in her kennel say 6 hours during some activity if we go out or just stay in. Also sleeping arrangements say instead of the bed she could have a bed next to my head kinda like on a night stand so we can still be close if that was an issue. But at the same time I would be VERY concerned that this issue was a sign of being controlling and I would make sure it was well known that NO further consideration would be given so the issue shouldn't happen again. It all depends on what the OP thinks if your willing to give an inch then go ahead and try to make it work if not then maybe it's not best to drag out the relationship longer than it should exist. OR even like people say the eventually warm up to them. 

I just hope the OP trusts her gut and makes the best choice for herself! relationships are hard and they take compromises but at the same time you can't give up more than you feel comfortable with.


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

lancestar2 said:


> I was partly joking ...






Got it Lancestar2, thanks for clarifying.


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## cpaoline (Oct 9, 2012)

my 2 cents to add to the fire LOL, not really just joking...But if she is already having second thought on this guy because of the dog issue, then she is probably going to run into bigger problems down the road if she stays with him. Personally I don't do well with NON Animal People!! as a matter of fact the more people I meet the more I love my dogs LOL..except on here of course


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## TLI (Sep 3, 2008)

It's really hard to give great advice not knowing the complete situation. I've seen people put their dogs above their own selves and family. Which is by far healthy or balanced. I've seen people who love and care for their pups the way they should, and SO's and or family members just be jealous. Which is also unhealthy on their part. Our pups become very dear parts of our family. There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to respect that. If the pups are being put above their partner, then naturally that will pose some bitter feelings, and rightfully so. Without hearing both sides, it's really hard to make any judgment. I just hope everything works out for the best for all involved. xxx


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## Lupita's mom (Dec 31, 2012)

Oh my, long time ago I had a dog that was blind. He would snap at anyone who startled him. I would tell everyone that came over not to touch the dog. He was fine as long as he wasn't startled.. My husband hated Shadow. Brian went over to my moms house one day and told her, "I hate that dog! I want that dog gone!". My mom's response... "Brian, I would hate to see you get a divorce over a dog.". Brian walked to the front door and said "She would do it wouldn't she?". My mom said "You betcha!". The dog stayed. (So did Brian). 
Then I met Michael. (Brian was killed by a drunk driver when I was 20). Michael was raised without pets and did not have a clue how I was with them. Well, we have been married for over 30 years and we never had children. My 3 parrots can be a handful but he understands what they mean to me. He really doesn't like them but he knows they are my girls. Then came Lupita.... Now he really understands. He is in love! So much so that he wanted me to get Dee Dee. (Michael is the only male in the house). 
For a relationship to work, each has to understand what is important to the other and respect it. Your fiance should respect you and your feelings toward your little guy.


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

Lupita's mom said:


> For a relationship to work, each has to understand what is important to the other and respect it. Your fiance should respect you and your feelings toward your little guy.




Beautifully put Pat.

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs my friend.


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