# Tips for bonding and trust?



## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Any tips for these issues, although Sugar is the one I've had longest, I feel least bonded with her.

She is the quietest of the 3, prefers to be on her own than with the other two when possible, and is the least affectionate of the pack. She's a hard nut to crack and I feel as though she doesn't trust me. One example to show this is every time I call them in from the garden she doesn't come the first time with the other two. Spice and Boo come and I bring them in, if i call her again straight away she will ignore me completely. I have to pull the curtain at the door, go away for at least 10 mins, then come back and call her and she comes running! 

She's a strange wee dog . But I want to do wee simple things daily that might help her bond with me better, any ideas?


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

Hayley, are you the one who feeds them? Free feeding or scheduled meals?

Also, how often do you walk your pups on leash?

These things make a huge difference. Training, walking, interactive playing, are all bonding activities.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

~LS~ said:


> Hayley, are you the one who feeds them? Free feeding or scheduled meals?
> 
> Also, how often do you walk your pups on leash?
> 
> These things make a huge difference. Training, walking, interactive playing, are all bonding activities.


Yes I'm the one who feeds them but it's free feeding so really I'm just putting bowls down to them. I haven't been walking them very much at all recently with the bad weather, I know I should and will get back into it. Sugar doesn't seems to enjoy walks much though, Spice runs ahead sniffing and wagging her tail, Sugar will trail behind usually. She doesn't like her harness being taking off (puppia one u have to put over their heads) she hates it and will yelp/growl and run away wen it comes off, so I've started using a step in one with her which isn't half as pretty, lol. 

Anyway, also when I go out the back with them the other two will circle my feet wagging their tails while Sugar sits at the bottom of the garden watching. She will only come if i sit down or if i have food. It gets me down sometimes  




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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

I would recommend feeding them twice per day, instead of the food always
being there. Scheduled feeding not only helps with potty training, but provides
structure, routine and consistency. It helps you control your dogs' weight, helps
you monitor their health, it even helps with training, as you can ask your dogs to 
sit or give paw for example before each meal. There are so many benefits, and
they all lead to a closer bond as well. 

On-leash walks are extremely helpful too, they give you a chance to exercise
your dogs' minds and bodies, practice basic obedience, communicate and
therefore bond. 

Playing interactive games, such as tug of war, fetch, hide and seek, chase, etc also
helps tremendously with bonding.

Grooming if done properly is also a wonderful bonding tool.


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## MMS (Aug 2, 2012)

Does she get any 1 on 1 time with you? 

I know that my Max use to be pretty standoffish... he had 2 mostly wooded acres to run on before we moved into town, and he would prefer to be out there, would rarely come when called, and refused to spend any family time unless he was forced to. 
Once I started making sure to give him specific quality time (and forced my bf to do the same) he started coming around, and is now much more playful... and even plays with his sisters!

I think that he was depressed, feeling like any older sibling when a new one comes into the family -- like "what if they're replacing me?" Once we reassured him that that would never happen, things got better. Now he even wants to cuddle with me on the couch sometimes. Made a big difference at our house.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

~LS~ said:


> I would recommend feeding them twice per day, instead of the food always
> being there. Scheduled feeding not only helps with potty training, but provides
> structure, routine and consistency. It helps you control your dogs' weight, helps
> you monitor their health, it even helps with training, as you can ask your dogs to
> ...


Ok I will surely try that with feeding! As for getting them to do something for the food, I hav always wanted to do that and will def try now. Any tips for that, wen I tried before both Sugar and Spice would just sit there and stare at me, then just walk away when i wasn't giving them the food straight away! Though to be fair I didn't spend enough time on it at all. 

I can't even imagine Sugar playing with me! She is always so tense when I try to do things with her  


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## jesuschick (Dec 5, 2010)

Please do not forget that they are different dogs. You are well describing my pack!

It sounds as if you may have a shy/fearful dog. I have one. Actually, I have one of 3 different kinds of Chis. It is hard not to compare but it is really not fair to them to do so nor to expect them to be identical. Just like children. Or people, really. I think it would be no fun if I had 3 dogs identical. There would be no point, really.

We knew Ruby was different than Hope on the drive home with her. She refused to curl up and lay down. She stood for a good hour and a half and finally just sat for the last hour of the drive. Hope was all peacefully curled up next to her like nothing was happening. 

I feed all three, manage their daily care and all their medical care and flat out she ADORES my husband and still will pull back from me. I do not take it personally. Well, I am older than a lot of you sweet ladies here and no longer take most things personally! It may be (as it is with my girl) that it truly is "her" and not at all about you or how she feels about you.

Your job is to help her be more confident. It may very well be a tiny difference that you make. I actually found that my trying to help her made me love her/be bonded to her even more.


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

Haley, have you ever heard of NILF? It's a training method that would be really 
useful to you imo. It stands for "Nothing in Life is Free". With this method, your
dogs basically have to do something before getting something in return, they
have to work for everything. Basically teaches your dogs that the quickest way
to get what they want is by obeying their owner. It is such an interactive and
positive method, that it quickly strengthens the bond. It works wonders for shy
dogs, helps them relax, knowing that owner is in control of all things.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

MMS said:


> Does she get any 1 on 1 time with you?
> 
> I know that my Max use to be pretty standoffish... he had 2 mostly wooded acres to run on before we moved into town, and he would prefer to be out there, would rarely come when called, and refused to spend any family time unless he was forced to.
> Once I started making sure to give him specific quality time (and forced my bf to do the same) he started coming around, and is now much more playful... and even plays with his sisters!
> ...


No she doesn't actually, that's a good point, I never spend one on one time with any of them, just them all together.

And yes I do sense that she's put off by the other two a lot, I think she would rather she were a lone dog in the house most of the time. I don't remember her being just as tense and stand off ish before getting Spice, she was always quiet though. I thought another dog would be good for her and bring her out of her shell, but it hasn't at all. Ye I do feel sometimes she acts as though she is depressed. 


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

jesuschick said:


> Please do not forget that they are different dogs. You are well describing my pack!
> 
> It sounds as if you may have a shy/fearful dog. I have one. Actually, I have one of 3 different kinds of Chis. It is hard not to compare but it is really not fair to them to do so nor to expect them to be identical. Just like children. Or people, really. I think it would be no fun if I had 3 dogs identical. There would be no point, really.
> 
> ...


I understand they all have different personalities, it doesn't bother me that she is more quiet and reserved than the other two at all. It just bothers me that she doesn't seem as happy as they do and that she doesn't like me as much as them. If that's just the way she is though, then that's fine, but if I could make her happier and more relaxed, I would like to try.

Yes she is def shy and fearful/ nervous. And she also totally prefers my husband too! 

It's actually good to know she's not the only chi like this, and as I say if that is just her personality then that's totally fine. 


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

~LS~ said:


> Haley, have you ever heard of NILF? It's a training method that would be really
> useful to you imo. It stands for "Nothing in Life is Free". With this method, your
> dogs basically have to do something before getting something in return, they
> have to work for everything. Basically teaches your dogs that the quickest way
> ...


That sounds really good LS! How long does it usually take to teach them this? 

My problem is that I usually give in and give them the treat as I don't want them to not like me (sounds stupid, I know!). 


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## jesuschick (Dec 5, 2010)

I have worked with her for a number of weeks at a training facility, a number of weeks with an in-home training/behaviorist and consultation with another behaviorist team.

One thing I learned from the best one is "No. You actually have no idea what she is thinking". He said it to me a dozen times. I kept trying to say, "See? She is thinking this" or "See? She is thinking that". 

Read a bunch about shy/fearful/reactive dogs. It is fascinating. 

Mine is happy in the ways that she can allow herself to be happy. The others are much more visibly happy but just like people, some will smile slightly and others will jump up and down and squeal with delight. Both could report being equally happy. 

Shy/fearful dogs need routine and they also need verbal or visual cues. I have started telling her more what is happening or what we want her to do and now she gladly does them.

Instead of opening a door and expecting her to following the others running down the steps, I say "Time to go downstairs" and she goes. "Go to your room". The same. It is calming and reassuring for her to know what is happening "to her" so that she can brace herself. I also tell her, "Ruby. Pick up" before I reach for her. Now, she does not run, duck or start a chase!

Now. When my husband walks into a room, she melts down, tail wagging and she is dancing like crazy. Different story. That is okay, too!


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

SugarChi said:


> That sounds really good LS! How long does it usually take to teach them this?
> 
> My problem is that I usually give in and give them the treat as I don't want them to not like me (sounds stupid, I know!).


For us, it's a way of life really. It's not something we stopped. 
You can give them treats, just get them to do something for
you first. Do your pups know basic obedience? Before starting
NILF, your dogs need to know some basic commands, which if
they do not know I suggest you teach through positive 
reinforcement.

Right now, if I were you I would start walking more frequently,
because lack of physical & mental stimulation leads to boredom,
and start scheduled meals, twice per day, leave it down for 15
minutes, if they do not eat, take it away until next meal. If you
have tiny dogs and you are worried about hypoglycemia if they
do not eat, then make sure to take them on a long walk before
each meal, to ensure they are hungry. Just from scheduled meals
and extra on-leash walks you will start to see changes, but stick
to it, think of it as a way of life instead of a temporary thing. I
can't tell you just how much I owe to walking, I've worked with
such different behavioral issues in dogs, and ALL have improved
partially thanks to exercise, it is a crucial part of life. Karen is
right, all dogs are not created equal, but what you are describing
is not simply a shy dog, to me it sounds like a sad, bored, 
understimulated dog. Give her purpose, give her a job, and she
will blossom. She may not change 100%, but she will make at
least some positive changes.


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## jesuschick (Dec 5, 2010)

SugarChi said:


> My problem is that I usually give in and give them the treat as I don't want them to not like me (sounds stupid, I know!).



You will want to adjust that. 

Like the best trainer taught us. When we started, we thought we had rules and such but he said, "Let's say you share a home with a roommate and the room mate tells you that you should not go out to lunch with your friend until you clean up the dishes in the sink. You look at the sink, grab the keys and go". He went on to say if your boss/manager told you that before you took your lunch break that he/she needed a report from you that you would not dream of going until you followed what the manager asked.

He said, "You have done fine but they see you as bossy room mates". That changed and everyone is happier!

Their motto is Lead so that they will follow, Train so that they will win and Educate so that they understand.

We love our girls to bits. We would never be mean. But we love them enough to expect manners. They love us back-how they each can-as a result.


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## intent2smile (Dec 4, 2011)

jesuschick said:


> I have worked with her for a number of weeks at a training facility, a number of weeks with an in-home training/behaviorist and consultation with another behaviorist team.
> 
> One thing I learned from the best one is "No. You actually have no idea what she is thinking". He said it to me a dozen times. I kept trying to say, "See? She is thinking this" or "See? She is thinking that".
> 
> ...


You suggested to me a while back to tell Jaxx I was going to pick him up before doing it. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you! Doing this has made it so Jaxx does not run from me when I go to pick him up. It is a huge difference.


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## jesuschick (Dec 5, 2010)

intent2smile said:


> You suggested to me a while back to tell Jaxx I was going to pick him up before doing it. I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you! Doing this has made it so Jaxx does not run from me when I go to pick him up. It is a huge difference.


I felt pretty dim/silly when they asked me if I ever told her what was going to happen since shy/fearful dogs can view the world as happening to them.

I do not have to tell my other two. I can reach, from standing, and scoop them right up. With Ruby it was a game of chase and I had to pull her out from under things. 

Glad it helped you. It made a big difference for us.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

~LS~ said:


> For us, it's a way of life really. It's not something we stopped.
> You can give them treats, just get them to do something for
> you first. Do your pups know basic obedience? Before starting
> NILF, your dogs need to know some basic commands, which if
> ...


Thank u LS, I will certainly take your tips on board and hopefuly it will help a bit. If she is even just a little happier that would be great! 

They know basics manners in the house, like not barking, jumping up on people, I can tell them to stay in a room or their beds and they will do it. But if u mean sit and paw then no, I've never taught them that. 


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

jesuschick said:


> I have worked with her for a number of weeks at a training facility, a number of weeks with an in-home training/behaviorist and consultation with another behaviorist team.
> 
> One thing I learned from the best one is "No. You actually have no idea what she is thinking". He said it to me a dozen times. I kept trying to say, "See? She is thinking this" or "See? She is thinking that".
> 
> ...


Yes Sugar is just the same with my hubby, she will do most things for him without a problem. 

I will do the reading for sure, thanks for the tip  

Sounds like Sugar and Ruby are very similar alright, I think ur right in that she would benefit from me being clear about what I want from her. 


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## Buildthemskywards (Jun 16, 2012)

I leave their food down all day but I make them sit before I put it down in the morning and I make them sit before they get their raw meal of an evening. If I give treats or anything like that then I make them sit too. I play lots of games of tug of war with mine. I've not been taking them out so much with the weather either. Willow whines the whole time if its cold and I've lost her harness to boot! So I make sure I play lots of fetch with them and I'll even open the doors to they have the entire downstairs free to them and chase them around...that way I can keep an eye on them too. 

If you ask them to do something then you need to follow through with it so they know you are boss and you mean what you say. It's like children...when I was teaching I thought they would hate me for telling them off but in fact I found it made them try harder to please me. Children need boundaries, so do dogs. I'm working on recall with them at the moment. I'll do the outside bit when the weather is nicer but this article I got off the dog's trust website said to start in the home. Randomly call them and reward them when they come. Mix up the rewards so they don't know what to expect. Sometimes I give them a treat, sometimes lots of praise, sometimes cuddles, sometimes a few treats. They say a few treats is a 'jackpot' and makes them try harder next time. Seems to be working fairly well for me at the moment.

I think it would be good to look at the situations in which she is shy or fearful, pick one and work on that, then work on the next one and I think that will help Sugar as well as help the bonding


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## pupluv168 (Mar 7, 2012)

With more timid dogs, routine and boundaries make all the difference. While a human may think that by being "easy" or "a pushover" will make your dog love you more- that simply isn't the case. Routine and boundaries make a dog feel secure and more happy. 


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

SugarChi said:


> Thank u LS, I will certainly take your tips on board and hopefuly it will help a bit. If she is even just a little happier that would be great!
> 
> They know basics manners in the house, like not barking, jumping up on people, I can tell them to stay in a room or their beds and they will do it. But if u mean sit and paw then no, I've never taught them that.
> 
> ...


I would definitely try some basic things - sit, down, paw, touch etc. training is definitely a bonding exercise for me and honey too. She loves it and wants to do well, especially for a yummy treat. And you feel like a fab doggy-mommy when she gets it!  


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

I get wat ur all saying, it all makes sense, thank u.

For the training is it best to train them individually? 


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

SugarChi said:


> I get wat ur all saying, it all makes sense, thank u.
> 
> For the training is it best to train them individually?
> 
> ...


I've only got the one, so I don't know what's best, but I would def try one on one with Sugar. I know you must be so busy with all 3 plus your little in, but ten mins in evening might make a lot of difference! Good luck Hun xx


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## Wicked Pixie (Oct 14, 2011)

LOL definitely! With my two new girls, they leap on each others treats, get over excited, and create total chaos if I try and teach them both at the same time.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Rach_Hudson said:


> I've only got the one, so I don't know what's best, but I would def try one on one with Sugar. I know you must be so busy with all 3 plus your little in, but ten mins in evening might make a lot of difference! Good luck Hun xx
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


Ye time can be an issue but I do my best to take care of everyone! And kinda y I wanted more than one dog so they had each other for company etc.

Ye I will def train them all on their own, thank u xxxx


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Wicked Pixie said:


> LOL definitely! With my two new girls, they leap on each others treats, get over excited, and create total chaos if I try and teach them both at the same time.


Lol yes good point! Thank u  


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Already put one change into practise, I've had Sugar up on the couch with us here for a while on her own, usually the 3 get couch time with us in the evenings, but I've given her one on one couch time tonight and she's responded so well. She's lying on my lap very happy and relaxed, she's not just going to my hubby's lap either, she's going between us, it's lovely  


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## pupluv168 (Mar 7, 2012)

SugarChi said:


> Already put one change into practise, I've had Sugar up on the couch with us here for a while on her own, usually the 3 get couch time with us in the evenings, but I've given her one on one couch time tonight and she's responded so well. She's lying on my lap very happy and relaxed, she's not just going to my hubby's lap either, she's going between us, it's lovely
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


Maybe she needs some "mommy and me" time and "daddy and me" time without her sister and brother? 


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

pupluv168 said:


> Maybe she needs some "mommy and me" time and "daddy and me" time without her sister and brother?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com App


Yeah if spice and boo are happy enough together for 15-30 mins, they can go in the kitchen with a toy and sugar can get some sugar!  x 


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Yes she defo needs mommy and daddy time alone! 

Just tonight after posting this thread I have made progress. She came in from her bedtime wee on the first call, I couldn't believe it! Im delighted 


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## Rach_Honey (Jan 13, 2012)

Fantastic! Clever sugar and mummy  x


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## pupluv168 (Mar 7, 2012)

Aw, Sugar is such a good girl. 

I've told you before, if you ever need someone to babysit/ steal Sugar, I'm available. LOL.


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Rach_Hudson said:


> Fantastic! Clever sugar and mummy  x
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Petguide.com Free App


Thank u! That's motivated me even more to make these changes for her  


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

pupluv168 said:


> Aw, Sugar is such a good girl.
> 
> I've told you before, if you ever need someone to babysit/ steal Sugar, I'm available. LOL.


Haha I'll keep u in mind don't worry! 


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## Buildthemskywards (Jun 16, 2012)

Yay! Well done to you and Sugar. I'm training Mylo and Willow to come when called together and it's really improved Mylo because Willow is very good at it and he follows her but I can't teach anything else together because I have the same problem as Stella.

Oh and if you need anyone to babysit any of your dogs I'm much closer than Ashley


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## CHITheresa (Apr 30, 2011)

I learned a lot by this thread.. Thanks all.


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## Zorana1125 (Oct 24, 2010)

I feel like Lola is similar to Sugar in ways. She doesn't listen nearly as well as the boys and she does what she wants, when she wants. She totally prefers Bryan over me. I'll tell her to come, he runs away, I'll tell her to go upstairs and she comes to me, lol. I think it's just her personality. I used to get upset too but now I try to make just mommy and Lola time so we can bond and it's helped. If I want to snuggle the boys, they are always happy to but Lola only wants to snuggle when she feels like it, kinda a diva! 
Don't be upset, I think if you follow all the great advice already given, you and sugar can really work on your relationship and improve it. 
I second Ashely and Melissa, we would love to watch and play w Sugar too! Her twin Leo would be ecstatic!! 
Keep us posted! 


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## 23083 (Sep 22, 2011)

Go to youtube and search 'Emily Larlham'. She has lots of videos that are really fun to watch.
She is one of my favorite positive reinforcement dog trainers. One of her dogs is a chi mix!
My pups sit to get their leash on and they have to sit/stay or down/stay until they are released to eat. There is no force or harsh corrections at all. The dogs love the challenges.
Look around to see if you can find a clicker training class. Dogs love this method and a clicker can be very useful to desensitize things like fear of a harness and fear of nail trims. All of the tricks my pups do were taught using clicker training! They love it and I think its fun.
Good luck and keep us posted


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Buildthemskywards said:


> Yay! Well done to you and Sugar. I'm training Mylo and Willow to come when called together and it's really improved Mylo because Willow is very good at it and he follows her but I can't teach anything else together because I have the same problem as Stella.
> 
> Oh and if you need anyone to babysit any of your dogs I'm much closer than Ashley


Thank u! 

Haha thanks, I'm sure my lot would love to meet Mylo and Willow for a play  


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

CHITheresa said:


> I learned a lot by this thread.. Thanks all.


That's brilliant! Im glad this has been such a useful post to others as well as myself  


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## SugarChi (Oct 30, 2011)

Zorana1125 said:


> I feel like Lola is similar to Sugar in ways. She doesn't listen nearly as well as the boys and she does what she wants, when she wants. She totally prefers Bryan over me. I'll tell her to come, he runs away, I'll tell her to go upstairs and she comes to me, lol. I think it's just her personality. I used to get upset too but now I try to make just mommy and Lola time so we can bond and it's helped. If I want to snuggle the boys, they are always happy to but Lola only wants to snuggle when she feels like it, kinda a diva!
> Don't be upset, I think if you follow all the great advice already given, you and sugar can really work on your relationship and improve it.
> I second Ashely and Melissa, we would love to watch and play w Sugar too! Her twin Leo would be ecstatic!!
> Keep us posted!
> ...


I've said this before, but it's always so great to hear other people have similar situations and I'm not the only one! I have an awful habit of thinking I'm the only one that could be having a problem and thinking Sugar is the only dog in the world that isn't overt and confident and that it's all because of me! 
Ye I'm just going to have to do like u have, not take it personally and try to make more time for one on one with her. 
Yes I would describe Sugar as a bit of a diva too! 

Haha wouldn't it be great if we were all close enough to have a meet up with them all! 
Will do thank u  


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## Huly (Mar 5, 2012)

Ok just a laugh for y'all for today. BG is a DADDY"S Girl 100% I do not exist if he is around and Sonny is a mommy's boy! Now if my mom is around, forget it me nor daddy exist as it is all about the grandma!

Well it has been wet this weekend and my husband swears that Sonny runs to him to wipe his dirty paws on his pants before coming to me to get attention when we are on our deck. LOL LOL LOL


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## 4bsingreece (Apr 11, 2012)

~LS~ said:


> Haley, have you ever heard of NILF? It's a training method that would be really
> useful to you imo. It stands for "Nothing in Life is Free". With this method, your
> dogs basically have to do something before getting something in return, they
> have to work for everything. Basically teaches your dogs that the quickest way
> ...


I <3 NILF ! 


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## ~LS~ (Oct 29, 2011)

4bsingreece said:


> I <3 NILF !



Yeah baby make those monkeys work for their bananas!


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