# Loveless. Dilemma.



## meemster (Jun 10, 2004)

I have a problem that is is really real to me. I can tell other people, and they think it's silly, but I'm hoping that, as dog owners, you folks understand me.

My dog loves my boyfriend more than she loves me. There. I said it. 

It's not pretty, and it's even kind of petty, but that's what it is. 

People ask me, "How can you be sure?" Well, first of all, I'm the one who wanted to buy Scooter. I paid for her (not that dogs know that). And when I got her, I really wanted her to be like a baby to me. I grew up wanting a dog but my parents never wanted to let me have one, so I decided that when I grew up, I'd get my very own. Now I really do treat Scooter like my baby.

When we first got Scooter at 8 weeks old, she didn't seem to have a favorite person. She came and went, and played with both of us. Now that she's 4 months old though, I've noticed that she prefers to sleep on top of or near my boyfriend. Even though I'm the one who lets her out of the bathroom in the morning, she runs straight to my boyfriend. When we both call her, she comes to my boyfriend instead of me. She doesn't misbehave nearly as much with my boyfriend as she does with me, and as a result, I'm more stern with Scooter than my boyfriend is. 

It's become desperate now. I try to bribe her with treats and give her table scraps at the dinner table when my boyfriend isn't looking. And to my disappointment, Scooter takes the treats from me and then goes back to my boyfriend! Even though I give her table scraps, she still sits right next to my boyfriend's chair and waits to get scraps from him even though he never gives her scraps.

I feel bad for trying to bribe her for her love, but I feel even worse when I see that it's not working! She's just using me!

Both my boyfriend and I play with her all the time, but I feel like she only plays with me when my boyfriend isn't around. We both discipline her in fairly the same manner (except that she misbehaves more around me). I have tried to exercise "alpha dog" persona in hopes of having her more responsive to me. I also make sure that I'm the one who feeds and bathes her. 

Please help! What is it that I have to do to get her to love me more?! Do I have to speak softer? I can't possibly give her MORE treats than I already do! Do I have to spend "alone time" with her? Take her for walks by myself? Show her "less" attention, in hopes that she'll notice and be more attentive to me?

I feel like I am now begging for scraps of her love, instead of the other way around! It's really heartbreaking because I feel like I take care of Scooter's basic needs more than my boyfriend does. I'm really concerned about this because ultimately, if my boyfriend and I ever break up, he told me that I have to take Scooter because he doesn't want to be stuck with a dog. I fully accepted this responsibility, but now I fear that I'll be stuck with a dog that doesn't love me and pines for my "ex-"boyfriend! 

Please, someone give me advice!


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## Boogaloo (Mar 27, 2004)

Sorry to hear your story! 

My advice to you would be to enroll Scooter in puppy kindergarten or basic obedience class. These classes give dogs more confidence and will make him a better dog all-around (although he sounds like a good one already  ). On another note, this will also give you and Scooter a chance to do something together that you will both enjoy. Just be sure to take him to a place that trains using positive reinforcement. 

I wouldn't keep feeding him treats and table scraps - I don't think dogs associate food with love (although I could be wrong?) If there are things Scooter enjoys such as walks or going to the park, do those things with your dog. Puppies especially like to be active! 

Good luck and keep us posted! I know Scooter loves you both!


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## TuckersMom (Jun 29, 2004)

Chi's can be like that: One-person dogs. It's just in their nature to be that way. I know a lot of Chi's aren't one-person dogs, but if you read up on the breed, it will tell you that Chi's are generally like this. I don't know what else you can do, other than spending more alone-time with her, as it sounds like you are doing everything possible already.

Chi's can adapt to new homes and new owners, and will bond closely with a new owner. I say this because I know a Chi rescue group (where I adopted Tucker from) and they say that it is so. Therefore, if your boyfriend is ever 'out-of-the-picture,' I believe that your Chi will form a very close bond with you.

I wish I could be of more help. I can only imagine how heart-breaking this is for you. Perhaps others on the forum will post some good advice on how to change the situation.


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## OzzyAndLilysMom (Mar 9, 2004)

sorry but i think she has picked I mean she loves you both but has just took to him for some reason but htat is chis for you, mine are the same I feed them clean them and clean the crap up but they still lie by daddy and not me


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## Vala (Jul 8, 2004)

Sorry to hear your problem but don't dispair!

A couple of weeks after I got Stinky he started "hanging out" with my bf more than with me...just like you, my dream had been to have a dog that's always by MY side....so, i decided to spend more time with Stinky ( I didn't bribe him though, cause I think that'll make him friendly to WHOEVER gives him food) QUALITY time..like more walks...half hours of playing fetch..(he doesn't really fetch properly yet but we are getting there) My bf is not very "i'll walk the dog" kinda guy so that works for me...NOW, Stinky listens to both but if i call him he comes to ME, and he follows me around....my advice..spend as much time as possible and play with Scooter...even if you are washing dishes...keep a toy handy and out of the blue play with her for at least 5 mins....at any time of the day...that my help...Scooter will remember that with you there is always something to look forward to... :wink:


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## KB (Apr 13, 2004)

I totally feel for you, my husband is sorta the one who is heartbroken in our trio! Asking a chi to bond w/three is pushing it but we were hoping. Kemo "tolerates" him but he is the one who would sit there and pet him forever! My husband wants another for himself but in reality I will be the one who does most everything. My daughter does the least as possible and Kemo will go to her etc. I agree w/Val in regards that you need more alone time. MAYBE another chi!!! Also Boogaloo suggested something good. I sympathize with you, but maybe in time things will change. Don't give up but you might want to consider another dog to throw in the mix!


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## Kelly (Jun 30, 2004)

I had this problem when I was younger and lived at home. I saved every dollar I could get (for being a 5th grader) and we went get a kitty from the spca. She did not want anything to do w/ me. She stayed attached to my brother. Once I moved out there was no way I could take her w/ me. For whatever reasons animals choose their favorites. I agree w/ everyone else, just spend more time play fetch...make him think you're the fun 1 in the house.


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## tinalicious (Aug 7, 2004)

I'm sort of on the other side of the spectrum of your story. When my mother bought Inu, my other dog, it was really for herself. However, Inu really attached herself to me and in result I came to call her mine and whatnot. Although Inu is not a Chi, I think that dog's might attach themselves to one person for reasons we might not ever know! It sounds to me like she loves you both equally and I believe that Boogaloo had good advice. Just don't give up hope and try not to feel neglected. You sound like the perfect mommy for a little puppy and I'm sure she loves you very much!


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## 2BLUCHIS (May 10, 2004)

Sorry to hear that, but I can relate. I had that problem with Chico, at first he seemed to like me more because my boyfriend wasn't around a lot, once Chico got more used to him he definately like Jesse more than me. It made me so sad  because like you, I paid for him and spent months searching for the perfect puppy. I thought his favortism for my boyfriend stemmed from me always correcting him and yelling at him when he went potty on the floor, I asked Jesse to correct him from then on so that Chico would know he wasn't the boss of either of us. It took a while, but now I definately think I'm Chico's favoriate  Sophia on the other hand is a different story, I would have to say Jesse is her fav, she always comes to him before me when we both call her, and that's fine with me now, but at first I was very jealous. See if you boyfriend will do more of the disciplining, I'm sure that will help


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## meemster (Jun 10, 2004)

*Things are looking up*

Hi all, thanks for all the advice, and for actually taking me seriously. Sometimes I can't even take myself seriously about this! 

I started paying (even) more attention to Scooter, and training her with treats to do tricks. I also started taking her out on walks by myself, and now I think she's coming back to my side a little bit. 

I've read all the sites about how chihuahuas bond with one person especially. I want to know, does anyone have a chi who pretty much loves more than one person, about equally? Can it be done!?


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## Boogaloo (Mar 27, 2004)

Bosco loves my husband and I about the same. He does seem to favor me more than him, but there are times when he would rather be snuggled up with Karl than me. So I would say we are about as equal as can be. I'm glad things are working out for you. Just keep it up!  Thanks for updating us too; I was wondering how things were going.


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## Cuddles (Aug 13, 2004)

All my dogs love me but go figure... my husband who shows them pretty much no attention is the one they all want to jump on and play with even though he is always telling htem to get down and leave him alone..he is only avtually home 25% of the time because his job but they all race to him as soon as he steps out of the car or walks in a room... sigh... Maybe he smells like a big HOT DOG :blob: 

Hmmmmmmm..... Just my opinion but I would take it more to heart that your boyfriend is already making break-up arrangements :dontknow:


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## OzzyAndLilysMom (Mar 9, 2004)

me and adam did the same meemster..............ultimately although we brought the dogs together we have always agreed like you that if we ever split I would get the dogs as we couldnt split them up...............it is sensible to have plans like this just incase............not that you are or will split.............lol


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## Kelly (Jun 30, 2004)

I agree Ozzysmom.


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## my3angels (Apr 15, 2004)

Chi's are so funny that way. My chi's love me but when I visit my mom they are glued to her and ignore me...lol! Sometimes I get really upset about it, especially when I want Tequila to come by me and she just jumps in my moms lap and refuses to come. 
If you and your bfriend do break up and you take the pup I wouldnt worry too much. You both are the little guy's parents and I am willing to bet he will adapt well with just living with you. 
(I think everyone makes those types of plans when an animal is involved. I remember my ex and I bought a cat and I told him right away if we were to break up he needed to take the cat...it's always smart to have a back-up plan :wink: Heck, even my brother and his soon to be wife did that when they bought a dog and they didnt break up 8) )


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## JeepGirlTX (Jul 26, 2004)

I live alone (without other humans, I mean), so Daisy loves me best. BUT, when my mom or my friend Jullie visit, she is all about THEM. Sometimes my feelings get hurt -- especially when she's sleeping on my lap and my mom comes into the room and she WAKES UP to go sit on my mom's lap. I tell myself that she just pays extra attention to them because she doesn't see them very often. 

Daisy hates men, so I think that if I were to start dating someone, I wouldn't ever have the issue that Daisy liked him better than me. I'm just lucky I guess


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## colleen13 (Jul 10, 2004)

sometimes i think zoey likes my boyfriend more than me. i too tell myself that it's because he's always working. this summer i'm playing the mommy while my boyfriend is at work. i'm HOPING that she just likes to be around him when he's here because she doesn't get to play with him that often.  it isnt my or his dog it's OUR dog but STILL!!! i don't want her to like him more than me! maybe it's because i am the one who always has to discipline her :roll:


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## Mia (Feb 29, 2004)

heehee looks like we all get a little jealous over r babies, keeks seems to get excited over everyone and its hard to tell if she shows ne favouritism toward me. Ive felt exactly the same getting upset and a little annoyed when she seemed to favour other people. One thing ive noticed as shes grown older i think she gets the fact she kinda belongs to me.
altho to say shes bonded with me only would be untrue, she loves everyone.
mia
x


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## Jessica (Jul 11, 2004)

I would have to say Harley is like Keeks in that sense. Harley will follow me around and sometimes when someone is holding him he'll look back at me and squirm to get to me but then theres other times where he is just as content. Generally he greets everyone happily and will cuddle everyone and give them lots of kisses. I think that's a good sign he is well socialized though. No matter what though, he's always mommy's little buddy!  

Jessica


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## Vala (Jul 8, 2004)

:? argh! this happened this week...we took a bus down to the beach and I was carrying Stinky, my bf had to ask for directions so he went to ask the driver (we were at the back of the bus) and since the second he left Stinky started crying and howling REALLY LOUD my bf came running back and grabbed him and Stinky completely stopped.... :x some people are just lucky!!!

    talk about jealousy!


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## Kari (May 13, 2004)

I think Mr. Peepers has a few people that he really likes and it's hard to see favoritism within those people. But I think a good way for me to tell that he favors me is when he's scared or when he gets hurt (like when he broke his leg) he comes straight to me and ignores everyone else.


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## colleen13 (Jul 10, 2004)

ever since i read this post ive been paying more attention to zoey and who she likes to sit by. im convinced she loves my boyfriend more than me and it's making me so sad! when she has a choice of who she wants to sit by/sleep she 99% of the time chooses him. but it's odd because when i go in my room she sits by my door and whines till i come back out and she doesn't do that to him... he says she likes to sit by him because his lap is bigger than mine. i think he's just trying to make me feel better. i'm the one who stays home with her when he goes to work everyday! she should love me more!  

grr.... jealousy! over who our puppy likes more?! :roll:


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## love my lildog (Sep 5, 2004)

this is wierd, i feel for you. i got my first chi from a woman that had (i appeared to me) a pack of wild chihuahuas living in her basement. actually my husband surprised me by insisting that i pick a chihuahua from the wild pack, although i was quite sure i did not want one. well, the lady finally manged to corner one and snare it for me. she put it's quivering body in my arms and it firmly planted its feet against me and launched itself to freedom (she was 7 months old) well. we trapped her and dragged her off to the car. i held her so he could drive. it turned out that she was glued to me from that day on. i never gave her treats, he tried to bribe her with yummies, but she would grab it and run to me. she never liked anyone but me. i made the mistake of going to the grocery store a year later... she escaped when my daughter opened the front door, and was hit by a car trying to follow me.

now i got a new pup, cause i missed the dog that i never wanted that was glued to my leg for a year. and the new pup likes my hubby. and other people, too. i guess this is a blessing, but i miss the dog that hated every human but me. i do not think you are crazy. i dont have lots of experience with chis, but i see 2 distinctly different attachment patterns. i wonder, you more experienced people, if the attachments tend to get more fixed as the dog gets older? i am hoping this lildog will start showing favoritism soon................


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## jesseka (Sep 11, 2004)

*me too*

My pup Mario always seems to like my husband better but I think it's only because I tend to be the one that disaplines him the most. I seem to catch mairo in the act because being a woman i am obvioulsy more obsevant him (joke). Maybe thats the same for you?


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## colleen13 (Jul 10, 2004)

totally! i tell my boyfriend all the time to discipline her more often but he never seems to see when she's misbehaving!!! 

lately she's been wanting to be by me more often- except at night.... she sleeps by his legs at night. i think it's because i move around alot when i sleep! :lol:


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